300=Fucking amazing movie

[angrypork]

Who saw it? I saw it yesterday and it was probably the best movie I've seen in the last year. Just straight up manliness for 2 hours. The Spartans are insane. SEE THIS MOVIE. IT IS THE FIRST MOVIE WHERE I CAN TRULY SAY IT WAS WORTH $10.

[dystaind]

you sound like this guy-- who still lives with his mom and has been going to community college for 6 years:

___________________________________________________________________

I just saw a movie that’ll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It’s called 300. I don’t know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could’ve called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it’d still rule.

It’s about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it’s sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting. If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, “I need some extra sauce packets†guess what? You’re getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.

TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN’T LIKE:

COOL THING ONE:

HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES

Who gives a shit if the music isn’t historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could’ve used some Journey. This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel’s Pretzel is telling you that you’ll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.

COOL THING TWO:

FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS

Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There’s wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he’s got Rosie O’Donnell on his back.

Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.

NOT SO GOOD THING:

DUDE NUDITY (“DUDE-ITYâ€)

These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic. Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they’re serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

Any directors reading this – IT’S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.

Can’t someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.

_____________________________________________________________________

he's probably the biggest reason I'm goin to watch this movie.

[Dick Danger]

I only watch movies I've seen before.

[ktothe]

I thought it was pretty good but it was sorely missing the NIN soundtrack from the previous. Im going to dub my own soundtrack when the DVD comes out.

[angrypork]

Dystaind: Sorry, that man I am not.

[dystaind]

if there was more than one of those dudes in the world, i'd probably cry for the human race and shit myself laughing at the same time. i'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

just saw a compilation of his reviews (hard to read because they are wider than your screen... but they have some hilarious review gems in there)

http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=1349

[NESK]

i just got back from this movie and it was agonizing.

i can totally see it being a huge success, but it was so painfully gross and obvious that i almost wanted to cry. i just couldnt handle it. every 30 seconds something epic had to happen. and the music was so over the top, and i guess so was everything else about the film that it didnt really stick out too much, but fuck was it ever masturbatory.

i love that people like this film because its so lowest common denominator that it really calls attention to itself. people were high fiving on the way out the theatre and repeating lines that they thought were deep. those same lines had me spitting pop out of my mouth and practically pissing my pants on account of how absurd and exageratted they were.

fuck 300.

[drapygo]

I think it met most of everyone's expectations, that, it's going to be all ownage and rage war. And the movie showing that Sparta was the strongest nation back then.

Maybe some small improvements here and there, overall it displayed what it was ment to display to the audience.

[american_hearts]

it kind of looked really cool. on the other hand, it kind of looked like queen of the damned with aaliyah.

[jsmilez]

I think the movie was really great. There were a lot of symbolism that involed Leonidas being the true heroic god in the end. Watching the movie was like reading a novel, there were multiple things that really stood out as being very symbolic. The most distinct symbol is probably blood, it's everywhere. Every battle scene had some sort of blood splatter that filled the screen. It was even more blood during coming out from the Persian soldiers. Everyone in the movie bled, except King Leonidas; also he made the Zurksies(sp?) bleed which could probably mean he is a much more "godly" leaving him immortal to Leonidas. That scene where he threw the spear at him was probably the greatest part of that movie. I also liked how he cried having only a little cut on his cheek.

[notesee]

you sound like this guy-- who still lives with his mom and has been going to community college for 6 years:

What site is this from? Reminds me of a site I used to read back in the day where this guy would shit on movies, trends, and would basically just talk mad shit about everything. Used to crack me up sometimes, but forgot what it was called.

Edit: Nevermind, I found the site I was thinking of.

maddox.xmission.com

[l3ootlegs]

love the movie.....i was high for 2 hours....

[ktothe]

i just got back from this movie and it was agonizing.

i can totally see it being a huge success, but it was so painfully gross and obvious that i almost wanted to cry. i just couldnt handle it. every 30 seconds something epic had to happen. and the music was so over the top, and i guess so was everything else about the film that it didnt really stick out too much, but fuck was it ever masturbatory.

i love that people like this film because its so lowest common denominator that it really calls attention to itself. people were high fiving on the way out the theatre and repeating lines that they thought were deep. those same lines had me spitting pop out of my mouth and practically pissing my pants on account of how absurd and exageratted they were.

fuck 300.

The whole point was it was an over the top exaggerated action flick. There wasnt supposed to be any deep seated meaning. Its about big fucking dudes rocking snot boxes. Its a tall tale spun by the one survivor who made it back.

It amazes me how many people went into this expecting to see the Greek version of Glory or something.

[aitsuka]

the real battle that actually happened was actually more bloody than this.

the spartans will pile the persian bodies so high up each night that the rotting corpse could be smelled from miles away

[englandmj7]

That scene where he threw the spear at him was probably the greatest part of that movie. I also liked how he cried having only a little cut on his cheek.

He wasn't visibly shocked/upset because he had a cut on his cheek (also, it was a gash that opened his entire mouth, not just a cut). He was in shock at the sudden defiance of the Spartans when he had thought they were going to surrender. He was also in shock that Leonidas was right about making him bleed (which he said he would do in their prior meeting).........Pretty sure it was a pride thing that made him appear to be crying.

[BOORADLEY]

the whole audience erupted in laughter in some great parts...

how about when he was standing naked into the sunset hahaha!

there were a few others, but i was too high to remember.

fucking good movie though, stop over analyzing it. i re-read the frank miller 300 last night (been a few years) after i got home and it was pretty damn close.

[Hedior]

gonna watch it this weekend.

[mis]

the whole audience erupted in laughter in some great parts...

how about when he was standing naked into the sunset hahaha!

there were a few others, but i was too high to remember.

fucking good movie though, stop over analyzing it. i re-read the frank miller 300 last night (been a few years) after i got home and it was pretty damn close.

The part where he was eating the apple, the whole theater where I was at was like, WTF?

[shoreman1782]

Zurksies(sp?)

If I understood how to work rep, I think I'd give negative rep for that.

[BOORADLEY]

The part where he was eating the apple, the whole theater where I was at was like, WTF?

hahahahha yeah man. brutal scene.

[shwanger]

after reading this, im going to go see it right now.

[yuljo]

I couldn't take the overly cheesy one-liners that the majority of the movie was made up of without bursting into laughter. I also saw it in an IMAX theatre which was a huge disappointment because it was just a bigger screen without greater resolution.

[wild_whiskey]

It was awesome so long as you take it as a kind of satire of itself and movies of its kind.

You can't take it seriously. If you do, you just ruined it. Here's an awesome review:

The movie “300” is rated R for “RAAAAAR!” and is about as inspirational as “Field of Dreams” multiplied by “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” plus infinity.

High school football coaches who show this to their players before games are guaranteed to win 55-0. Should opposing coaches show the DVD to each of their teams before the matchup, a rupture in the space-time continuum will occur and the game will be declared a tie…

Director Zack Snyder alternates between sepia-toned

slo-mo and kaleidoscopic blasts of fever-dream adrenaline with scenes that look like they were cut with Ginsu knifes by teppanyaki chefs hopped up on Red Bull.

The Spartans are a super-human elite squad of lumberjack pirates who were trained by the the great-great-grandpa of Chuck Norris’ paternal ancestor. A prologue explains that from the age of 7, Spartans are forged into die-hard dynamos of fury who can kill with their bare hands. It was either their forced sojourn into wilderness that makes them that way or that they played violent video games.

They battle the millions-strong army of the Persians, which includes wave after wave of easily disposed screaming maniacs, followed by black-hooded elite Delta Force Persians who are like zombies – gotta take their heads off or impale their hearts if you want ’em dead.

The Persians also trot out gimongous armored rhinos and war elephants that got kicked out of the zoo for being too big and angry.

Sparta is led by warrior King Leonidas (Gerard Butler), whose idea of a strategic troop surge is to round up a few of his buddies and stomp out on the battlefield for an eight-hour slaughterfest, with a snack break to munch an apple while watching his lackeys rake up the corpses.

[trees]

i thought it was pretty good. worth the admission, but i probably wont watch a second time.

everybody in the theatre started cheering and going crazy when the queen got revenge.

[captain5640]

I thought 300 was really good. I think people should know from the beginning that it's more action and less story. That's what I was expecting, so I was more than satisfied. One thing that did bother me was the "creatures" that the Persians had on their side and the non-humans that were also on the Persian side. If those had been left out I wouldn't have much of a complaint. I knew that 300 was going to be two hours of ass-kicking and didn't expect much else so I wasn't dissapointed.

[Brinbro]

I just posted in the trash about this movie but really I don't understand how people were in any way confused about what to expect. It had one of the best marketing campaigns I've seen for a movie in years (it shows in the box office receipts) which fully emphasized the action over drama angle.

[Edge_Of_Denim]

I did not pay to see 300. It's good to know people. That being said...

I think any reasonably intelligent person will arrive at the conclusion that 300 is an attempt at some kind of blatant political allegory. That being true, I find the entire effort particularly despicable: The enemy is represented as Asian, "Oriental" (I noticed some Mongol warriors), Middle Eastern, African, androgynous (Xerxes), lesbian, ugly (the "immortal" soldiers) and physically deformed (the hunchbacked traitor and the giant), all of whom are seen as irrational and superstitious. What's this? Only handsome and rational straight white men are noble? What's worse, I have serious doubts that the polemic was wholly unconscious.

Especially at the end, what with the "protecting the values, beliefs, and people of Sparta against the forces of tyranny (i.e. terrorism)" speechifying, I felt that the film was one long recruitment video for the Iraq war. Line up boys, BushCo wants You!

I wouldn't have minded this so much had the visuals and other cinematic devices been remotely interesting (or had the movie included some self-criticism regarding the glorification of war - wait- I might be asking too much here). Narration that

patronizes the audience, unnecessary slow motion ninety-nine percent of the time, fashion shoot poses, forced drama (father watching his son die, Gerald Butler's declaration of love at the end) battle scenes as rock videos, and sex scenes as future perfume ads. I can see where the movie gets its influences. It's like the whole of this wretched contemporary culture was regurgitated onto celluloid. And all without a wink of irony.

A $70 million opening weekend. More than the first Matrix took in on its opening. Good job.

Edit: At one time Michael Mann was considering an adaptation of "Gates Of Fire" by Stephen Pressfield, which tells the story of the battle of thermopylae. I'd like to see what a serious and accomplished film artist of Mann's stature would make of this epic story. 300 will inspire nothing in the long run but more idiocy.

[alex_844]

it's not a political allegory, its historical reality, the spartans really did fight off the orientals, ie. the persians and the people who had to fight for the persian empire because they were ruled by them, all the other races you mentioned. also the people of sparta were very proud of the fact that they were the only greek polis(city state) that were never ruled by a tyrant (unlike athens etc.)

[Edge_Of_Denim]

Originally, 300 is based an historic confrontation, depicted in comic form. A representation. 300, the movie, is based upon that work and depicted, through the means of latest cinematic technology, as a digitalized representation of Miller's work. Not even a film per se, but a hybrid, only recently possible. Not a representation of history. That would be something other. Already we are at great remove from any reliable consideration of history, thanks to this interesting mutation. If nothing else, 300's hyper-stylization reveals its exploitation of symbolic and metaphoric signifiers. Not to understand this is to not understand the way a film's images are to be interpreted. One can enjoy 300 at the basic level of "Duuuude, fuckin limbs were flyin everywhere!", if one chooses. And, frankly, that is the exact audience that Zach Snyder wanted and got. But to deny that there are other elements at work in 300 is to allow idiocy of this kind to propagate and flourish.

[watchman]

I feel that this film is being given entirely too much credit. There is a complete lack of plot, the entire story is convoluted and shallow. Visually it is interesting but not as much so as sin city which is in the same blue screen dependant category. I also thought it was an obviously amateurish film, which isn't surprising considering the this was a rookie director. All in all I think it caters to the absolute lowest common denominator of movie goer and deserves no more credit than is ordinarily given to a shallow gory blockbuster type film