timber

Contracting blows. Every single time I get sent a new deal memo my named is spelled wrong/the fee we discussed is incorrect, and I always feel bad for being like 'actually we agreed to $1500 more than you have down'. 

I feel like I'm the only person who agonizes over the work I send, pouring over every line to make sure it's 110% correct. 

Games I've played recently (and enjoyed): 

Firewatch 

Life is Strange 

Stardew Valley 

XCOM 2 
 

shout out to the 11 year old in brand new rick dunks I just passed outside dover street market

Gross. Probably had to stuff the toes with $100 bills to make them fit. 

PSA: If your anxiety symptoms go haywire for no apparent reason consider getting a blood test to rule out physical symptoms.

I thought I'd been going batshit crazy for the past three months-- I lost a ton of weight, my heart was always racing, barely ever slept-- and I just found out I have hyperthyroidism. 

It's absolutely not the only cause of my mental health shit, but it's been making it a whole lot worse. 

Fuck yeah, it's a total nightmare. Have you seen a doctor or gone to therapy? I'm going through that exact same thing right now, basically getting super depressed because anxiety makes it hard to even go outside. It's super tiring. 

Right now I'm doing free group therapy at an outpatient clinic (which is okay) and starting one-on-one sessions that are super cheap at a local university. It does help to go to these things weekly-- it sort of makes me feel like I'm moving forward even in a small way. 

I understand how much it sucks though-- it's really embarrassing and at least for me, not exactly something I want to discuss with friends. 

I hate when friends are dating insane people. 

 I regret posting that ashy kneed underwear pic. 

Just bought Divinity: Original Sin to play co-op PS4 and it's super fun, beautiful graphics and the dialogue is hilarious. 

I also got a couple of indie games on Steam Sale-- The Beginner's Guide was a short play, but I've been thinking about it for the past few days. Would absolutely recommend it. 

AND FINALLY I started on Pillars of Eternity, which I've had forever. It's the closest game to actual D&D I've ever played, and it's absolutely amazing. 

EDIT: 

Oh, also I finished Fallout 4 and sided with the Brotherhood, just because it's the absolute opposite of what I usually do in games. I feel dirty.  

My friend invited me to this holiday dinner his roommate was putting on, and halfway through the night these grown ass twin brothers started arguing really loudly with each other over the table, and then things got heated between them and they stood up and sort of weakly reached/grappled fore each other while the rest of us just sort of awkwardly watched. 

I'm finalllly going to get my first tattoo in January, after being broke forever. 

Pretty sure I'm going to get an ink illustration by Alexander Calder. Then I have a ton of other ideas I'm going to have to sort through for the future. 

I can't wait for The Leftovers finale-- this season has been some of the best episodes of TV ever made. I forgive Damon Lindelof for his past sins. 

I also started watching Jessica Jones and I dig it so far. I really didn't like Daredevil, even though every single person I've talked to had a boner for it. I love superhero shit, I love Drew Goddard, I love MA adaptations-- but I seriously couldn't get into it. 

Fallout 4 is amazing, I got it on release day. I have barely cracked the main storyline and have had so much fun just doing side quests. The weapon and armour modification system is awesome, and I like cleaning up old tires from settlements and being nice to ghouls. 

The only things that bug me is that building structures isn't ideal, and the citizen management system kind of sucks-- they'll probably patch that stuff, or fix it with an expansion. It's such a minor complaint, the game is totally worth buying. 

Jayrock: Nathan For You is one of my favs! 

I had to watch the entire run of Gravity Falls this week for a job, and it was good! They got some awesome comedy nerd guest stars. Gotta get me some of dat Disney money.  

Yes, more so than any amount of therapy has ever done. 

It took me a while to find one that works for me (Zoloft is what I'm on now) but it basically just makes me feel a lot more clear headed, and not get all weird and disassociated-- and also not go to such extremes in depression. The example I use that feels most accurate is that before I felt like my mind was tuned between two radio stations, with racing thoughts, fuzziness, etc-- and now I feel super focused and present. 

It might be my OCD that makes me such a good candidate for it, but it's really saved my ass.  

I find that the that the two biggest reasons behind most of my anxiety is either I'm afraid of embarrassing myself in front of other people, or that I can't physically handle the discomfort of something. 

I do actually have OCD though, along with stupidly bad social anxiety and medication is honestly the only thing that's made a significant difference for me. I found one that works and I feel 100x more 'normal' than I can remember ever feeling. 

What can I say, the smell of fabric softener gets me hard. 

Some lady in my building threw her laundry in with mine in the dryer and then started a witch hunt searching for the 'pervert that stole her underwear' when I accidentally brought it all back up to my place. 

I just discovered 'Review' and watched the entire thing in a couple days. So, so good. 

Out of those I absolutely loved 'Gone Home' (especially playing on horror tropes, it was super entertaining)-- Journey was so lovely, especially the part where you get to play with another user.

I can't wait to play Firewatch and have had The Stanley Parable on my list forever. 

I really, really didn't like Dear Esther. It felt so incredibly joyless and pretentious-- kind of like being followed around by an unemployed English major delivering endless flowery prose in a British accent. You also can't interact with ANYTHING. I kept trying trying to throw myself in the ocean.  

On the plus side the graphics were gorgeous, and I was impressed how intuitive heading down the proper path was. I never got lost from the intended route, but didn't feel like I was just on a track with only one option to move forward. 

I was setting up for a Halloween party at my work last week, and one of the (adult) students stayed after class and was hitting on this girl  who is in the same program. 

I was dressed up like a really unsexy dog, climbing up on tables and dropping shit and and trying to hang cobwebs, and he started telling her this super intense story about how he used to be in a cult. They had this weird vibe like they were having this super private heart-to-heart and I was a few feet away flapping my dog tail and accidentally knocking my chair every few minutes. 

I do have a PS4-- I didn't realize Everybody's Gone to the Rapture was released anywhere other than computer. I have it on my Steam wishlist! 

I have a pretty decent PC. The graphics in The Long Dark look nice, I think-- I have it on max quality settings. It's stylized, so it's not hyper realistic or detailed but the colours are really gorgeous. 

I also recently bought The Vanishing of Ethan Carter, but I haven't played it yet. Same sort of feel, I think as Everyone's Gone to the Rapture?  

The Leftovers is aweeesome. I wish they had released the whole season as once, so I could have watched it all in the first few days. One of my favourite shows ever. 

I've been playing: 

• Fallout 3 
• The Long Dark 
• Sheltered 

Getting in the apocalypse mood for the Fallout 4! 
 

(Also, Firewatch is one of of the games I'm really looking forward to. It looks amazing) 

I understand not wanting to take a million pills, but there's that old adage about mental health being just as important as physical-health-- if she were diabetic it'd be a lot more cut and dry deciding whether or not she needed insulin. That said, I do believe that some people can get healthier without medication.

I have a friend who had an eating disorder who had to do outpatient treatment as a health centre, and then was on meds for a couple years in order to get better. But everyone is super different.