lorem3k

maybe i'm the superderanged roommate.

superderangedness is relative. i'm sure almost everyone thinks their roommate is crazy

dus are complaining about dating vegans now?

try dating a hypochondriac

sterilize that ass

kiko is cute but i'd rather hang out with rola because i feel uncomfortable around cute girls

if some bitch complemented me on the the sick fades I have and asks me how many washes, I'll uppercunt her so hard. Same goes for any dus.

i'd just tell her i wash them as often as she washes her vagina

met this girl, things been going good and shit but right before i met her i decided to take a break from jawnz and just be in the cozy boy comfort club so she thinks i know nothing about jawnz.

so the other day she kind of hinted that she wants to see ya boy all gussied up and shit like this bitch just dared me to jawnz out.

she don't even know…she don't even, know.

she wants the jawnz

give her the jawnz

Threw up my food while in a resteraunt, tried making it to the restroom but something in my plain lo mein & vege egg roll really wrecked my stomach so I puked half in my hand / half on the floor just feet from the door in front of about a dozen people.

Got back to my table, it was cleared off & I was asked to leave.

Free meal ha, stomachs still wrecked

this is what i'm going to do next time i'm at a nice resturant

he walks into the shower and out of the shower stark naked. fuck. he also talked to himself in the shower.

i'm pretty sure most people do that

Just went to FedEx to ship a package. French lady in front of me is rambling about how she's opening a female-only restaurant up the road (and near my apartment).

I'm kinda buzzed, so I jokingly ask her if I can come because I feel like a woman inside. The store of like 10+ people goes silent and everyone looks at me. The French lady proceeds to tell me that I'm not too old to start a relationship with Jesus... And everyone in the store nods their heads in agreement.

I then sit in silence with most of those people for the next ten minutes until it's my turn in line.

this is why i don't socialize

do their derby shoes run big like their sneakers?

i was thinking more like, standing behind japanese girls and raping them

i thought you were supposed to do something different than the usual when it's halloween

changed my mind i love these

they look very "vans x uggs"

i've been thinking about picking up a pair of k550s, how are they?

I really want to jerk off but I have roommates and my bathroom doesn't seem to comfortable.

just do it in front of your computer where you are right now. if they aren't okay with it, clearly they aren't the right roommates for you.

fucking gas prices in california. went up 70+ cents in 3 days. you gotta be fucking....

i went to disney land last summer and the gas prices completely shattered any desire i had to live in california, that shit is ridiculous

We're having a party at our place this weekend. I was going through facebook inviting everyone to the facebook event from the area. mindlessly invited my roommates ex girlfriend. his new girl from another school is visiting this weekend. fuuuuuuuu

just take her straight to the bedroom and away from him and his girl

there's 2 rips in the crotch of my 300$ jeans. I'm too lazy to take them to my tailor to fix them, so I just rock the jeans with the holes and let people peek at my dick when I sit down while riding the subway. I figure it's okay, since my boxers are black anyhow.

i heard exhibitionism is "in" this season

^ +1 Nice furniture to shelve your baller knits and shoes

this, how can you expect to look baller in your expensive designer outfit if you're sitting in a chair from ikea? clothing isn't enough, you must aspire to ball in every aspect of life.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xZqdnOLd-oY/UCIaHKs6EJI/AAAAAAAAGDc/7l9iPqIKXmw/s1600/3+years.jpg

i was scrolling up from the bottom and i thought the second one was a fat girl until i saw the hands

I'd honestly be less concerned with the weirdness of him running his hand through my hair, and more concerned about my hair being fucked up afterwards.

i was more concerned about that too, but it was still pretty weird. he's pretty good looking though (no homo) so maybe it'd be different if he were ugly

how well do you have to know a guy to be okay with him running his hands through your hair and wink at you.

we have to at least be mutual friends

some guy in one of my classes who I don't really know ran his hand through my hair and winked at me.

exactly. Everyone just target subpar women and your success ratio will skyrocket.

Just compete in the Special Olympics and your medal count will skyrocket.

when people talk about internet things in real life.

when people use/reference internet memes in everyday conversation.

FUCK YOU DIE

ugh my friend who goes on reddit does this shit all the time. i don't know why i still hang around his yu-gi-oh-playing hot-topic-shopping-at ass

hanging out with a new girl for the first time and she goes

"UGHHH i really have to poop"

the fuck? am i supposed to think that's quirky or something? how did that seem like a good idea?

she's obviously trying to see if you're into that kind of kinky shit

2 chainz would also be a good costume for the satisfaction of yelling "TWOOOO CHAAAAINZ" every time a soccer mom asks who you're supposed to be