flyhigh

should have peed over the stall and onto his head

^when in doubt, whip it out

rofl

1. Sign up on internet board

2. Make first post asking for deetz on girl in female mugshots page

3. .....

4. Profitzzz!!!!???

RE: timber's story.

Something sort of like this happened to me once. My friends and I were smoking weed in a parked car in an alley. It was pretty cold and late in the night, so the windows were fogged up. At this point I'm not as high as my two friends and I start seeing red and blue flashing lights behind us. I'm like "Dude! is that the police?"

Friend "What? Pffft.. No!"

Then there's this tap on the window and we all look at each other. We're fucked. This cop is really pissed off because apparently someone had stolen a boat from a nearby lake by hitching it onto a trailer and driving off. So the cop thinks it was us (something about them following the dirty tyre marks back to us) but his partner is sensibly not so convinced, one look at my friends and you could tell they were in no way shape or form to even attempt such a thing.

Long story short, the cop was so convinced it was us, he even went as far as to get sniffer dogs to follow the trail, which didn't lead to us and eventually they just let us go. But on the way back to his patrol car the cop is still pissed off and just kicks in this steel fence. All of a sudden an alarm starts going off. HIs partner comes up to us and was like, okay you guys better get out of here. We'll take care of this. We had to do a 3 point turn to get out of the alley but going past the police car I look over and that cop is just sitting in his car fuming and staring at us while we drive off.

I don't remember the words that were said exactly except for one thing. "I'm gonna get the sniffer dogs out here and if the trail comes back to you, you guys are FUCKED!"

All my nightmares have been the same from working in the hospitality industry. Basically running a crowded restaurant by myself and freaking out but towards breaking point I'd just go fuck it, I know it's just a dream and then I'd wake up.

I use to have dreams all the time about carrying a backpack or some bag and trying to get somewhere but the bag was always so heavy I would never be able to move at all. Funnily enough these dreams stopped once I left hospitality. Fuck hospitality.

when the automatic flush goes off and you're still peeing and get splashed

telemarketers calling me back and asking why I hung up on them. Happened twice this week. Didn't even know it was possible

flicking through channels last night and saw something pretty incredible that reminded me of this thread...

A bump is long overdue

Math level must be asian.

haha he was this middle-aged white dude we called john lennon, cause he had the haicut. What's actually funny about it is that the basket was only $3.50 and he would make his friends split that

Not the same thing but people who try compiling what everyone ordered and start doing complicated divisions instead of just throwing money until we have the total needed are animals. I wish we could shoot them on sight, I actually told morons I didn't want to see them again because of this.

many moons ago when I was in hospitality there was this regular that use to come with his friends and do this shit all the time. One time he even counted the prawn crackers in the basket and made his friends split it with him depending on how many they ate

I have that alexander wang beiber tee that dude was asking about but it was my sister that bought it for me

About a years wear and a handful of washes

probably went in to take a dump but opted out when he saw you in there

Hmm.car in front of your house and only a minute later seems like your ex has been doing some surveillance...or your roommate

lol.  u let yr butler dress like this?

Butler? Quite obvious it's the pool cleaner no?

man, seems like every time i go to pass someone on the freeway, they see me coming around and all of a sudden their pride gets hurt, like they're losing a race, and just start to speed up like 10-15mph once i'm in the lane next to them. usually i'm in cruise control and just watch them as they get like 50 yards on me, then they go right back to driving slow again and the process repeats once i catch up, or they give up. other times i just speed up with them and get in front of them and then all of a sudden they go back to being slow. hate those fuckers.

I've noticed this happens a lot. Especially if you or your friend happen to drive a sportyish car and the person you're overtaking is not (where I'm from it's usually a young/middle aged guy in a locally built family sedan). Also they like to tailgate you on the freeway and when you move over and they overtake you, they instantly go back to cruising speed of worse, slow down. This is known as "Ego is threatened" mode

People who come to your shop and make an order without looking at the prices first. Then when you ring up the total they say they don't have enough cash/it's a rip-off and continue to make a scene blahblahblah. Fuck you I'll kickflip this counter and put my foot through your face

Yeah, "quickly becoming the modern man" yet his mom buys him his own clothes

The hell? Reading your post made us all superawkward

My BFF is the ultimate pessimist. It's like everytime we hang out and the slightest thing goes wrong, he feels the universe has conspired to shaft him and he takes it personally. Other friends and I try to cheer him up when this happens but he just gets all pouty so lately we havn't bothered calling him out. Okay, so he doesn't have a job or girlfriend and still lives with his parents but christ growupanddosomethingaboutityoustupidsonofabitch

she looks like an asian Taylor Swift!

My IQ is 49