crustytheclown

1. ian dury & the blockheads- new boots and panties

2. deep purple- made in japan

3. bruce springsteen-the river

4. the streets- a grand don't come for free

5. the pogues- rum, sodomy, and the lash

crusty, please do tell more.

You seem like an adventurous guy. Indiana Bones and the Raiders of the Lost Shart.

I wish I could rep you again.

well, thanks for the kind words

as a thanks here's another.

this better be the last though as i am destroying my credibility.

about six months after the previous incident my parents went away for a few days. i went out with my friends on the saturday night, and after too many drinks it seemed like a good idea to invite a bunch of people back to mine (my friends and some random girls we persuaded to come) . after a while people split off into couples and occupied the various rooms in the house. needless to say, i ended up alone and was pretty annoyed about it. i decided to go for a piss, but when i went in the bathroom one of my friends was screwing a girl in the shower (the shower wasn't on). normally i would apologise, give my friend the thumbs up and leave as fast as possible. but because i was so pissed off because i wasn't getting any, i just walked right in dropped my pants, sat on the pan and forced a dump out (accompanied by copious farting) at the same time chatting with the fornicators as if it was the most normal thing in the world (actually it was a one sided conversation as they were too shocked to speak really(although having said that, they weren't shocked enough to stop fucking!)) after wiping and flushing i washed my hands and left them to it. . when i woke up the next day i think i had the worst "what the fuck did i do" moment of my life.

so the name crustytheclown does it have anything thing todo with the crust in your jeans or do you just like clowns?

it's easy to mock, but just pray it never happens to you!

my god that is gross.

jeepman pm me.

i know it is gross, that's why i'm confessing it, i'm looking for absolution. it was an accident after all. at least it wasn't some kinky shit (no pun intended)

i hope they were raw. it would've left some good fades

no, red ear mij

WORST SEVENTH POST EVER!

fyi, its called "sharting."

if you want to be technical, it was a Category 5 shart. but i prefer not to give it a name.

i feel like a weight has been lifted off me, so here's another.

when i was 19 i was in a club with some friends, i was drunk and desperate and met this girl who was wrecked so i thought i was in. after a few more drinks i invited her back to my place, she agreed and my friend who didn't drink offered to drive us in his van. when we pulled up outside my house the girl stepped out of the van and collapsed in the gutter. we couldn't get her to stand up, so i just fucked her in the street with my friend standing guard/watching. i then got back in the van and we drove back to the club to brag to my friends and show them the underwear i stole from her. i left the girl lying in the gutter with her skirt round her waist. she was conscious and consenting, but i've regretted it ever since and i'm burning with shame writing this. mea culpa

p.s. because i told my friends what i'd done, and they all told their girlfriends, and they all told every girl they knew etc. i was about as popular as a fart in a lift with the female community..

in fact, now i think of it, this event has haunted my life. i left home 18 months later and after all this time, whenever i go home this incident is always mentioned after a few drinks, which means i dare not take girlfriends home even now.

i once farted and shat myself whilst going down on my (ex) girlfriend. it was thick brown liquid like mulligatawny soup and it went fuckin everywhere. luckily the lights were off so she couldn't see it. i just grabbed my clothes and split before she smelt it. i've never told anyone this before, i still have nightmares about it. i threw away my socks and drawers but i've still got the jeans.

ermmmm?

Pics or it didn't happen?

duck, i wish the cops shared your opinion - i'd still have a clean record.

when i did that job i didn't envisage anyone wanting to see pics so i didn't take any, even if i had i wouldn't be dumb enough to post them on the internet! however it is completely true, i couldn't invent something so ridiculous. i should explain that i didn't put my lips over the pipes and blow, i inserted a clean flexible plastic pipe into the blocked pipe and blew down that.

Buzz Rickson's khaki n1

aero leathers horsehide half belt

red wing claptons

5ep jeans

a new wallet (i dunno what brand, i haven't seen one i like yet)

belstaff che guevara rep

i used to be a service engineer and part of my job included fixing mortuary cold stores (the racks where they keep the bodies) part of servicing them included getting onto the top shelf and being slid inside so that i could clean the evaporator fan area. the drainage pipes of these used to block up with skin cells from the dead people that mixed with the water and turned to thick brown sludge . the only way we found to clean these pipes was to blow down them!! i also used to get called out when the fridge units broke down in warm weather, you can imagine the smells. ah happy days!

i also used to work in a halal slaughterhouse where they hung live sheep by their achilles tendons on hooks on a conveyor system and cut their throats with a large blade and left them to bleed to death into a communal gutter. the noise they made was something else.

when you have one of those dumps that splashes your ass, then when you wipe, the paper get's soggy and your finger goes through and you get sh*t in your fingernail, and then there's never a nail brush in the bathroom.

or does that only happen to me?

sorry, i'll get my coat...

men who use "product" on their hair-anything other than shampoo is just wrong.

guys who spend an hour trying to make their hair look like they didn't spend an hour making it look like that. (you can probably guess i'm follically challenged!)

scrawny white guys with maori tattoos.

prince alberts

knock-kneed, pigeon-toed, skinny guys in skinny jeans.

omega seamasters

.

honda silverwing,

soft toilet paper,

baracuta harrington,

reece's pieces,

b&w cdm 9nt's,

tullamore dew,

chippewa engineer boots,

belstaff sammy miller,

zenith el primero,

swiss army knife.