Djrajio Dating Thread/Advice Column

[Caps Lock]

I'm taking the KAG to see an 8pm broadway show on friday and I'm totally clueless on what I should be wearing. Would a suit sans tie be too dressy? Can anybody recommend any place near Hells Kitchen/Times Square that wont break the bank but has a nice ambiance? I wanna be a ++B.A.L.L.A++ on a budget.

[ohsnap]

a follow up to my post up there^:

she sent me this today:

"do you remember how we met?"

is this shutty in love or something?

[mr fluffernutter]

ever since i started dating new girl ... girls have been looking my way/expressing interest more often

such a dick move

Edited November 12, 2011 by diamonds

[StrangeLove]

They can sense that shit thats why i stay with a girl im not really interested until i find one i want.

[ohsnap]

gotdamn, another follow up to my posts up there^

shutty texted me at 1AM last night and told me that she had dinner with my homie and that she missed me

the same homie just confirmed with me that he was out with his girl and his boy last night

wtf is going on? is she really that desperate that she's resorting to lying?

[footfeet]

ever since i started dating new girl ... girls have been looking my way/expressing interest more often

such a dick move

Get some numbers out of it bro

[boy better know]

is the holidays a bad time to start seeing someone? or should you just keep on getting money and fucking bitches?

[Guest Methimphibian]

there is never a bad time to start seeing someone.

however it's a common strategy to stay single between november-feb, in order to avoid having to meet her family for the holidays, and to avoid other obligations like NYE/valentine's day.

[jaac]

i think this chick at work is down for bein friends with benefits, irregardless of if this is a good idea or not whats the best way to propose this, just straight up? we are pretty comfortable talking about personal stuff.

[broneck]

Introspective rant/general advice directed at anyone wondering why they can't get their shit together:

A while ago I posted a lamentation about how I don't seem to sleep with anyone I give a shit about anymore. Since becoming single I've probably slept with more girls in a 4 month time-period than I have in the past 5 years or so. Some of these girls were really gorgeous and incredible people...others decidedly less so (let's be frank, this sometimes comes with the territory of wasted 4 AM hook ups). In any event, I've noticed a pattern emerging: ultimately, I don't maintain much positive contact with the ones I find myself interested in beyond the confines of drunken booty-calls.

Having not really been single for a very long time, I've had no problem figuring out how to get back in the swing of getting laid, but I'm really having trouble maintaining anything beyond that - even just seeing a girl on a casual basis.

I've recently started living with a new crew of people, one of whom is the lead singer of a fairly successful band. Over the past few months I've watched this guy turn down more 10s than I care to remember. This makes sense - he's a frontman, and sings really catchy emotionally charged songs that make women fall in love with him while he's on stage. But after all's said and done, once he's off stage he's just a normal guy like any other. So I found myself asking "what the fuck?!"

But at the same time, he's not really a normal guy. He doesn't just listen to music, he absorbs and carefully considers music. When he's not actively writing music, he's exploring new instruments and ways to make old ones sound new. He refinishes old and unlvoed guitars and makes them beautiful again. He consumes culture voraciously, be it literature, art, photography or film. He delves into the history of his interests. And in being thoughtful, well read, cultured and storied, he becomes impressive to listen to off-stage as well as on.

It made me realize that I'm probably apearing less and less impressive to the opposite sex than I've ever been before because I actually am a much less impressive human being than i've ever been before. When I was in school, my focus was almost entirely on bettering myself as a person: learning, stretching my brain, putting a pen to paper or standing on a stage and actually having a forum for ideas that I could at least partly call my own. Regardless of whether or not this is as impressive as being a singer and songwriter, it nonetheless was something I could be proud of. I was good at debating, good at undermining people's logic, good at making points and delivering them in a unique way. I was happy with myself and my contribution to the general betterment of my school and peers, and I can't help but think that a large part of the confidence i had with girls was due to the fact that i could look at myself and be fairly impressed with what looked back.

fast forward 3 years, and i'm out of school and properly single for the first time in ages. over the past few weeks, i've tried to figure out why the ability to carry on a relationship with a girl i'm crazy about has fallen off so fucking drastically. i've finally concluded that it's because i haven't done anything to really make myself better as a person since i've gotten out of school. i've maintained some things (for example, I haven't allowed myself to rapidly expand to the typical fat-guy desk jockey i definitely could have), but i certainly haven't improved much. in school i was passionate about what i learned, what i believed in, and that passion stayed with me everywhere. now, i work a job i hate from monday to friday, drink my weekend away, and start all over again. any passion i had has been strangled by apathy, and at the end of the day i have less and less ability to converse with intelligent women not because i'm any less intelligent, but because i literally have nothing new to say.

if i see a boring turd when i look at myself, what the fuck must the women i'm interested in see?

which brings us to advice that hopefully i will take myself. if you find yourself in a spot like i am - frustrated with your inability to maintain anything worth maintaining - fuck all the shit we talk on here about playing games, about waiting to text, about how to make sure you keep an upper hand. be a better person. pick up a new book. learn a new instrument. discover a piece of art you didn't know , fall in love with it, and learn everything you can about the artist. teach yourself to sew, or ski, or anything you didn't know how to do before. keep learning new things, constantly. take a risk you wouldn't have taken last year. do something you're passionate about. good things will happen.

ps. this is officially my gayest post ever.

Edited December 6, 2011 by broneck

[broneck]

tl;dr?

if you're bored, you will be boring. be interested.

[permanent]

i meant to press the green rep button, sorry!

really deep post.. kudos

[evisu 2000]

doesn't it just come to girls like guys who are passionate about things, anything

even as a guy you don't want a girl long term who isn't into things beyond whatever whatever (fashion*cough*)

[boy better know]

tl;dr?

if you're bored, you will be boring. be interested.

that's true but it's also how you sell yourself

[freecat]

tl;dr : it's worth reading.

[broneck]

thanks guys. i've been talking some pretty stupid shit on here lately so i hope that didn't ring totally hollow.

@Mass: definitely goes both ways, if a girl can't hold a conversation it's never really going to be there.

@boybetterknow: sure, but all i've been doing lately is selling myself. the underlying problem: not much to sell right now.

Edited December 6, 2011 by broneck

[ohsnap]

clopek's post came at the time when i needed it the most (hitting a wall and relapsing into the passive guy i disliked a few months ago).

thanks for that, man.

[akuma no uta]

Yeah, clopek be da man.

[Nov Spur]

it made me realize that i'm probably apearing less and less impressive to the opposite sex than i've ever been before because i actually am a much less impressive human being than i've ever been before.

This I can definitely relate to.

I think you hit the main point of how to shake of this sort of post-college I'm no longer the king malaise, but I feel like I should add that it can be a long and arduous process. Trying new things is difficult, and when new thing after new thing still doesn't get you excited it can suck hard. For a long time I was fairly uptight, I didn't fuck around with one night stands and I wouldn't date anyone who I wasn't genuinely interested in long-term. When that wasn't working out and I was stuck in a rut like you, I decided to change things up, started using drugs more and getting a little reckless. For some reason people started to find me more attractive. I don't know if it was that I seemed fun, which I hadn't really been much before, or if I was just out there more. But the thing is, nothing ever came of it. Still no one was of particular interest to me and I fell back into the same old boring person I was (am). Since then I've found it more and more difficult to seek out new ways of making myself impressive, and it can get very tiring.

So I suppose what I'm trying to say is keep trying, even if it doesn't work out at first, just don't get AIDS in the process. Oh and like the others said, thanks, its always nice to read something a bit more challenging than how to fuck two girls at the same time.

Edited December 7, 2011 by Nov Spur

[bfan]

I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month now, we get along super well and are really into each other but I never felt the need to define our relationship or anything. a male friend of hers is coming to town today, she's mentioned him a bunch of times and always talks about the time they spent studying abroad together, which I don't really give a shit about but I also don't believe that a platonic relationship can exist between two people if there's even the smallest amount of attraction. I don't want to seem jealous and ask her about it but at the same time we've had talks before where she tells me how she thinks monogamy is an unnatural thing. we had plans for friday night but when I asked her about it she seemed to want to show her friend around instead, and I'm not 21 so I can never go out to bars or clubs with her. the whole thing just makes me uncomfortable and on top of that she's leaving for vet school in a year. I don't want to force 'that' conversation but at the same time I like her enough to do it. I can't study or do work for finals with this kind of stuff on my mind. what do you guys think?

Edited December 7, 2011 by bfan

[broneck]

I may get spurned for saying this, but I think you need to have the conversation. Otherwise you're just gonna stay up at night stewing and being pissed, and that's not good for anything (your budding relationship, your mental well being, your success in school etc.).

If you guys stay together for a while afterwards you're gonna kill yourself wondering what happened, and it'll be a cloud hanging over the two of you for a while to come.

i wouldn't say you should try and forbid them from going out, but obviously an ideal night would end with the two of you together.

[mpcec]

meant to pos but negged you instead clopek. (fuck new sufu)

[OkayOkay]

yea, Bfan, like Bropeck said...have the conversation. It might make things uncomfortable, and honestly, she might freak and split, but you have to know where you stand and if it's worth it to invest the time and energy into the relationship. I know exactly what you're talking about, been there myself. I know it's a delicate subject to approach cause you don't want to come off as possessive or demanding, and it's hard for them to understand that. It's just about knowing if the commitment is equal, and if it isn't, then adjusting on your side so you don't have elevated expectations that won't be fulfilled. You'd be surprised tho...tell her you're gonna spend the evening with a girl-friend (and don't lie, actually have something set up) and watch her suddenly understand the concept.

The monogamy issue is a weird one. She's more or less telling you she plans to cheat on you, even if you both decide to commit exclusively to one another. My experience is that people with that viewpoint just haven't been put in the scenario to be on the short end of the stick (yet), to be the cheated-on partner. It's easy to preach a viewpoint like that when you're always the one coming out on top. That being said, I also believe that people can, and usually do, say things that they think sound good at the time, but completely change their mind or never really have any intent of following through. I've been guilty of that, as have most people I know. I'd say to not anticipate that she won't be faithful, don't build up walls or have pressing trust issues, but don't be so naive that if it does happen you're totally shocked. I know that doesn't make much sense, I guess just be aware.

[t3hcoke]

1. "Sooo, what are we?"

NEVER ask for exclusivity or fish for her feelings on the issue. If you have been dating for a good while (at least a dozen dates) and you still arent certain of where you two stand, it may be time to re-evaluate your interest in her or accept the reality of her interest deficit. If a woman is truly interested in you she will be the one to bring up the exclusive talk, in one way or another. It may not be direct, but if you listen to the cues you'll know.

I think you got the cues.

[bfan]

yea you guys are right, I kind of knew the answer as I was typing it out you just wanna hear it from someone else sometimes.

also ^ I don't think that's true, that's not just my ego talking, she kinda brought it up first and this whole thing with her friend is the driving force behind my paranoia right now. that coupled with the fact that she's going to graduate and most likely move at the end of the year made it inevitable that we were going to have to talk about it.

fuck at least I hope that's not true. anyways thanks dudes

edit: ok it's all good, but now I feel like my life has become that thing from chung king express about canned pineapple. oh well, you only live once

Edited December 10, 2011 by bfan

[mmfood]

I frequent a particular bar every thursday where a girl I find extremely attractive also does. I blatantly ignore her because she is the type that gets a lot of attention from guys and I don't want to be just some other dude. I'm pretty positive that she is aware of what I'm doing because I will talk to every other pretty girl in the bar except her and I catch her looking at me from across the bar fairly often.

How should I go about this? Keep playing it cool until she approaches me or just stop being a mark-ass bitch and talk to her? by the way, she's is pretty much a 10, a bit intimidating to approach.

Edited January 13, 2012 by mmfood

[boy better know]

do you know her at all?

if yes, keep gaming other girls

if no, channel your inner djrajio and go talk to her

then report back

[mmfood]

do you know her at all?

if yes, keep gaming other girls

if no, channel your inner djrajio and go talk to her

then report back

Yeah, I sort of know her. I met her about a year ago drunk as fuck, don't know what I said. but during the exchange, we friended each other on Facebook. Ignored her ever since. I was thinking of just hitting her up on FB, but I think it would be really creepy.

[BearCousin]

just keep poking her on facebook, almost certain it'll work.

[squirtlepk]

ask her if she likes macaronis