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Djrajio Dating Thread/Advice Column


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Has anyone here ever cheated/had an affair where it didn't end badly? Been married over 8 years, with kids, never cheated, but I'm so fucking tempted lately - definitely feeling that 7 year itch...

About a month ago I had a drink after a late night with someone from work and had a great time. Again a couple of weeks later. She's in a relationship too, lives with someone, but unhappily and she fucks other people. She's supersmashingfucking hot in a non-obvious way. We get along great, though maybe just friend-zoning - after 8 years I now suck at reading those kind of signals.

I realize it's a horrible idea since we work closely together and she's got kind of a fuck-it-all self destructive streak, but fuuuuuuu... Is there any way I can pull this off without it ending in disaster? We're having drinks this weekend...

q. What do you call this situation?

a. Giving a soon to be stranger half of all your shit.

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^damn. but you're right, obviously...

what nature do you expect advice regarding this situation to have

I really don't know my dude... I realize this is a dating thread as opposed to a marriage counseling thread and sufu is a younger crowd that might not be able to relate to this at all, but I needed to get it off my chest and I don't have any friends I'd want to trust with this...

Edited by Mr HaGa
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When I am deciding on relationship stuff like this I always fap. Right when you finish, think about what is going on and if you still feel cool about fucking this random broad then by all means go for it. If it makes you regret even having the urge, then avoid it and work on your marriage. Sounds funny, but it usually helps me get over the desire to pork uglies.

Edited by Fycus
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When I am deciding on relationship stuff like this I always fap. Right when you finish, think about what is going on and if you still feel cool about fucking this random broad then by all means go for it. If it makes you regret even having the urge, then avoid it and work on your marriage. Sounds funny, but it usually helps me get over urges to pork uglies.

never make a decision when you're horny

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I really don't know my dude... I realize this is a dating thread as opposed to a marriage counseling thread and sufu is a younger crowd that might not be able to relate to this at all, but I needed to get it off my chest and I don't have any friends I'd want to trust with this...

i understand needing to get it off your chest, but c'mon man. do some quick risk calculus: is the risk of your marriage ending worth the fuck? only you can really answer this, but she would have to be one HELLUVA fuck.

semi-related question: do you and the wife have kids together?

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Is there any way I can pull this off without it ending in disaster?

I think I can finally say I can offer the best opinion on something on this forum. I was in your same spot, almost exactly. Married for 6 years, together for 4 before that. We both got that 7 year itch...maybe we realized we had grown apart, or really weren't compatible once you stripped all the layers off (kids, house, work, etc), at the core we just weren't there. Toward the end we talked, in a real way, and realized we had both considered the idea of cheating or moving on or whatever, and it's a sobering moment to realize she wanted it too, that I maybe wasn't enough for her in whatever way she needed (don't think you might not be in a similar situation). We have 2 kids, younger, but nonetheless...it's a formidable hurdle. Anyhow, so we decided to split. We transitioned out and started seeing other people, and both found others pretty quickly. This is probably where we differ, in that even though I'd fantasize about it, I'd never actually cheat on my wife (or girlfriend for the matter)...it's just not in me, maybe some people see that as a weakness, I dunno...just couldn't do it. If you think you actually could you should take a real look into why you're married and what's under the surface. It's easy to hide discontent with all the layers and distractions marriage/suburban life brings. It's also easy to give in once you've seen and done it all with the same person. I fully get that, 100%, I guess just the order we might do things in is a bit different.

Anyways, to get to the point, should you do it or not? There's nobody here that can tell you that. If it's a good idea or not. It depends on if you could look your wife in the face when she's destroyed and tell yourself that it was worth it. If you really, really need to get your dick wet, and you honestly believe the marriage is fundamentally sound, go to a pro. Some might call bullshit, but it's gonna be the best $ you've ever spent if you just need to work it out of your system with absolutely no backlash. I have a buddy that rolls that way regularly, still married with kids, wife has no idea, and it works for him I guess. If it's the excitement that you're actually craving and not just the sex, then nothing is gonna cure that. It's gonna pop back up next year, and in 5, and most likely 20 and on. All that being said, there's nothing wrong with divorcing. I probably have better, more committed time with my kids then I've ever had before. I can do what I want, when I want. Pursue who I want when I want, etc. My 4 year old is sitting my my back right this second punching me with his karate gloves, and I was out last night with a 24 y/o with huge fake tits. It's a weird balance. It's not all bitches and money and excitement all the time tho. Don't think it's not lonely as fuck sometimes, or that I don't think about the stability and comfort a stable, committed partner brings. I think about that shit all the time. Do I regret not fighting for it? Eh, not really...cause I knew we were fundamentally flawed, I guess that's what you need to decide for yourself. That, and if you do it and get caught, and everything falls apart...are you ready to essentially keep her around the rest of your life (if you care about and want to see your kids), potentially with her hating every bit of what you are? I got super fucking lucky in how my situation unfolded, but still, am I ever gonna be able to pack up and move to Japan or hitchhike Australia for 6 months or even buy a house more than 2 hours away? Not if I want to be a good father, and those limitations are reality. Be ready for that.

There's a chance all this is way too deep for your question, and you're just planning a quick fuck and getting back to it. And maybe it'll work out that way. But maybe not, and that's what you really should be focusing on.

Do exactly what Fycus said. Rub it out and then you'll think logically.

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I appreciate the time and thought you put into that. I will think long and hard on this... i realize i probably come off like some asshole, trying to get away with cheating on his wife and not giving a shit about his kids. It's not like that though. I have a great marriage. We're good together and for each other. We've been together 10 years and married 8 of them. I've never cheated or even considered it as an actual possibility - fantasized about it, of course, but who doesn't? Until now. I'm really into this woman, and i'm having a really hard time dealing with it. We work together, sometimes late, just the two of us in the building. We got semi drunk that one time after a late project and talked about stuff that made us both blush and sheepishly smiley when we saw each other the next day, but that's all the acknowledgement we gave it and we got back to work. Same thing a couple weeks later. I could be reading her wrong but i feel like she's into me as well and it would be so fucking easy to give in... I haven't yet, and of course i don't want to fucking risk my kids and a relationship of 10 years for one good fuck, because i know the guilt will eat at me if anything would ever happen, but when i'm around this person i'm not thinking about any of that.

Edited by Mr HaGa
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My man, you're not thinking anything any other married man (or woman) hasn't thought of or considered, and if they say otherwise they're lying. Since I've divorced I've grappled hard with the concept of monagomy. Not even faithfullness, but the concept of spending the REST OF MY LIFE with the same person. Pretty sure I just haven't met that person yet, but still...fuck, that's a long time. You'll make the right decision, whatever that may be. And if you do hit it, this forum obvs demands pics.

Where'd that girls you've smashed appreciation thread go? Shit was the best.

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That's part of the investment, at least up front. BearCousin and I tolerated the dumbest motherfuckers the other night so I could rap out with this girl. Praise to him for taking one for the team (2 actually). You just need a sacrificial friend to throw at her friends, clutch concept.

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  • 2 weeks later...

what should i do with this loser? my "friend" got friend zoned by a girl that likes me and hes telling her all sorts of shit that we keep between us. shit like "DONT DATE HIM" or "hes talking to your other friend too" i asked him why would he tell her everything his reply was "Well im not gonna lie to her"

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what should i do with this loser? my "friend" got friend zoned by a girl that likes me and hes telling her all sorts of shit that we keep between us. shit like "DONT DATE HIM" or "hes talking to your other friend too" i asked him why would he tell her everything his reply was "Well im not gonna lie to her"

As arem says: the world is full of cool girls to hang out with

Act accordingly

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what should i do with this loser? my "friend" got friend zoned by a girl that likes me and hes telling her all sorts of shit that we keep between us. shit like "DONT DATE HIM" or "hes talking to your other friend too" i asked him why would he tell her everything his reply was "Well im not gonna lie to her"

Jealous type. The downside to being a player. Don't do anything and stay cool. The more he tries the more incentive she'll have to date you. And even if it's true and she asks deny everything and just say he's the jealous type.

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I am very casually seeing a girl (almost not seeing at all but we definitely used to have a thing) and I am crushing hard on her friend, pretty sure it is mutual w #2 but i frequently see them together (almost always) and they are good friends so I always feel weird/awkward/hesitant to make moves.

im waiting on a chance to get her digits or ask her out. she knows I've been with #1. I could easily get her number from a friend and call her-- please guide me rajio-sempai

Edited by cameron-
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smh...got way faded and hooked up w/ someone I know I shouldn't have the other night. I mean, it was great and we both had a good time, but logistically...it shouldn't have happened. Debating if I should talk to her about it, be like "that was fun, but we were both faded...let's laugh about it and move on", or just let it be and not go there again. But forreal, it was pretty fucking good.

way fucking good actually.

something says don't say anything and just let it be, I just don't want her thinking I'm an asshole or that I'm blowing her off.

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what should i do with this loser? my "friend" got friend zoned by a girl that likes me and hes telling her all sorts of shit that we keep between us. shit like "DONT DATE HIM" or "hes talking to your other friend too" i asked him why would he tell her everything his reply was "Well im not gonna lie to her"

Tell him that he is fucking up and this will not pull any points with her. You could stop talking to the girl too. That way he will see with his own eyes that she didn't care.
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work with this girl who always low key asks about me and my relationship status, opinion on girls in the office, etc etc, finally asked me to hang out last night. went out with a group, but hung with her most of the night. pretty early on in the night i find out she has a boyfriend, but he was only there for a good 15 min then bounced. i started talking to her about it and she mentioned that they are dating, but he wanted to see other people so hes kinda doing his own thing. does this mean shes trying to get a revenge plow in? i need to take advantage of this if so, shes bangin

Edited by Fycus
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Kind of feel like i'm slowly falling out of love with my girlfriend, and in some ways I feel like i'm not even attracted to her anymore at times.

It's odd, kind of just cropped up out of the blue. I think she can tell, she told me she feels that i'm being distant and dismissive.

I don't want to make a rash decision, because she still is one of the most important people in my life, and she's stuck by/with me through some very trying times of mine. It's just kind of scary to me, because we are pretty much set on moving to another state together in the New Year. Maybe the feeling that i'm so committed caused this reaction.

In the entire time i've been with her, counting times when we've been on and off again, it's been like 3 years. In that time i've never once felt compelled to cheat. During breaks, or when we're off i've seen other woman, slept with them too (one of these woman became infamous due to a certain thread, i'm sure you all know) But yeah, when we're actually on and going, I have had no desire to be with other woman. I used to think she was godly in her beauty, but lately i'm seeing imperfections i've never noticed.

It's difficult to deal with emotionally, after all is said and done I can honestly say this girl is my best friend, and my everything...but a relationship can't survive on my hoping the spark will be reignited and all will be well.

She went on a mini vacay with her sister for a week, which is nice, because it gives me the space I wanted, without having to ask for it.

Any advice?

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work with this girl who always low key asks about me and my relationship status, opinion on girls in the office, etc etc, finally asked me to hang out last night. went out with a group, but hung with her most of the night. pretty early on in the night i find out she has a boyfriend, but he was only there for a good 15 min then bounced. i started talking to her about it and she mentioned that they are dating, but he wanted to see other people so hes kinda doing his own thing. does this mean shes trying to get a revenge plow in? i need to take advantage of this if so, shes bangin

Ask her out. If she says no, move on to other women. Really simple

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Kind of feel like i'm slowly falling out of love with my girlfriend, and in some ways I feel like i'm not even attracted to her anymore at times.

It's odd, kind of just cropped up out of the blue. I think she can tell, she told me she feels that i'm being distant and dismissive.

I don't want to make a rash decision, because she still is one of the most important people in my life, and she's stuck by/with me through some very trying times of mine. It's just kind of scary to me, because we are pretty much set on moving to another state together in the New Year. Maybe the feeling that i'm so committed caused this reaction.

In the entire time i've been with her, counting times when we've been on and off again, it's been like 3 years. In that time i've never once felt compelled to cheat. During breaks, or when we're off i've seen other woman, slept with them too (one of these woman became infamous due to a certain thread, i'm sure you all know) But yeah, when we're actually on and going, I have had no desire to be with other woman. I used to think she was godly in her beauty, but lately i'm seeing imperfections i've never noticed.

It's difficult to deal with emotionally, after all is said and done I can honestly say this girl is my best friend, and my everything...but a relationship can't survive on my hoping the spark will be reignited and all will be well.

She went on a mini vacay with her sister for a week, which is nice, because it gives me the space I wanted, without having to ask for it.

Any advice?

How old are you? Are you planning on marrying this women? I would say break up if you know she's not the one.

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