Djrajio Dating Thread/Advice Column

[djrajio]

If it's someone you interact with or see on a daily basis, NO.

If it's the same company but completely different division/building, POSSIBLE.

[jayrock]

Fwiw I've been hooking up with a coworker fairly regularly for awhile now. We are on the same team and work pretty close to each other. I wouldnt really say we're "dating" though by any means. The only time we hang out with each other outside of work is common happy hours and then whenever she crashes at my place. I was really worried about it, and she has pulled some stupid typical girl shit, but on the whole everything in the office has been completely kosher because she's been very down to earth about the whole situation. That being said, she knew from the start that I don't date coworkers (lol) nor was I looking for anything serious.

Still pursuing other women but obv not flaunting that in her face. The key to pulling this off is both parties being very discreet about everything. She asked me if I told anyone about us and I told her no. She asked if I was ashamed and I said no, I just don't want to be the topic of office gossip. Ymmv

Edited May 18, 2012 by jayrock

[xArtlessartx]

Raj hit the nail on the head.

Despite having a high percentage in terms of success, that other 60% can get you fucked out of a job, or leave you in a really bad position if the relationship went sour.

If it goes well, then kudos to you for keeping it under raps. But if you even break one of the 10 emotional needs of a woman, one of them being security/protecting her image (reputation) you're in for hell. I was in this situation when I used to work at Starbucks way back when. Had close ties with this one girl whom I worked with, and at some point word got out of our little fling, and shit didn't go too well..

I'd keep relationships outside of work and stay away from these work relationships, unless as DjRaj said they're in a separate division. Even then, I'd still keep one eye open like CBS

[jbanger]

^ yep, don't shit in your own yard

[t3hcoke]

dont get in lawsuit; that is all

unless you can win but even then that has consequences

Edited May 19, 2012 by t3hcoke

[StrangeLove]

yep, im sprung everything i try to hide or be slick she calls me out immediately. such as "i know you like me so why do you wait to talk to me?"

edit: should change sprung to infatuated. but her niche really got old.

Edited May 19, 2012 by StrangeLove

[StrangeLove]

or "I've learned so much about you these past few days. You dont like to admit to these things"

[djrajio]

Seems like an annoying woman.

[jayrock]

Show it to her imo

[StrangeLove]

super obnoxious she doesnt wanna touch my penis either but she act like she does i just gave up . im going to bed.

[djrajio]

Ignore her man.

Women that are interested in you won't play games.

[OkayOkay]

was just typing this ^.

Agreed.

The novelty of that only lasts so long.

[djrajio]

Even then, I'd still keep one eye open like CBS

Can I live?

[Chris-Craft]

recently i let my guard down and started to really care for this woman i was hooking up with. long story short: i recognized how strongly i was starting to feel about her and backed off a bit, she realized i was backing off and moved on to someone else. thing is this "someone else" was a friend of mine and she started dating him immediately after breaking it off with me. this was in early march and ive fucked other girls since but i just cant stop thinking about this woman...she really had just about everything i look for in a woman (she liked watching top gear with me for fuck sake) and is just a really smart/funny/beautiful person in general. as i got to know her more and more i realized she was serious wifey material and it kinda freaked me out, hence me backing off from the relationship. i dont blame her for moving on, but it was pretty painful that it was with a kid i used to consider a friend (she told me they had "a bunch of history together" which i never knew - fuck that shit). this is uncharted territory for me personally. ive initiated break ups before, but never really been dropped by a girl i still cared a great deal for like this.

any advice on how to move on after being hurt other than cliche "plenty of fish in the sea" type shit? ive been hitting the gym hard lately, hanging with friends a lot, and seeing other chicks but i just cant seem to shake this one girl.

[OkayOkay]

you really gotta work the steps. Hard. It works. Make sure it's known that it's a 100% done thing, never coming back. Kill that hope, that will drive you insane over time. Once you know it's done, clear her from your life completely. All her things, pics, letters, etc...they all gotta go. Block her on FB and other networking sites, delete her contact info. Do everything to break any and all communication. Then you dwell. A couple weeks or so you'll be upset, sad, then ragemode, then sad again, then suddenly...a feeling of indifference comes over you, while punctuated by memories that make you gooey.

I like to imagine I'm sweeping them away, literally. I picture a tiny russian woman in my mind wearing a babooshka sweeping my mind clean of any unpleasant thoughts. Any time they pop up, sweep sweep sweep. Fill in your newly found down time with friends and travel, and when you feel ready, other girls. Within about a month you should feel indifferent, maybe still resentful, but the bulk of the gloom goes away.

It's complicated given the new bf being your old friend...I know that feel, I was that new bf that the gf from my buddy transferred from. It was rough, we don't talk anymore (his choice), I guess it could be handled a couple different ways. When/if it happens to me I know it'll hurt, but really...what can you be so mad about. You loved her, you wanted the best for her, and if she can really have the best with that guy, true happiness, you gonna stand in the way of that? If they get married and copulate and produce childrens...at some point you'll have to embrace them regardless of the way it went down. Or you could just vanish on them and never talk to them again, which is what my old friend did to me. Both work, just depends what kid of a person you are. It's hard either way, and you'll be super emotional and that's totally fine (but you def will get to the end and remember blubbering and crying and look at yourself in the mirror and be like "I can't believe I actually cried over that".)

Just take the time you need to work through it, but have a real date in mind of when you're gonna put it behind you, like 1.5-2mos from now. It'll work. Trust. And if all else fails, fuck another girl. Doesn't matter what it is, ideally hot, but if she's a 4 and there isn't anyone else and you just gotta do this thing..then smash. That'll help make a huge break.

[halomunkey]

got a group of girl's numbers at a concert/club-event. how should i initiate contact with a target girl from group?

hit it off for a good 2+ hours and got all their info while they were suggesting other events they wanted to meet me at. Told them to text my phone with their names since I left it in my car, which they did.

ima chump so I dunno if they are just inebriated or really interested. still kinda drunk too, so can't think logically atm @_@...

WWDJRAJIOD??

[xArtlessartx]

If you're approaching a target from a group, just go right in and introduce yourself. A lot of men make the mistake of seeing a group and then try to isolate the girl off the bat, only to get shit on by the friends. Just make your approach cool, walk in and talk to the whole group. Your issue doesn't seem to be in the approach, it's about isolation that seems to be an issue.

When you open a set, try to be creative and not boring like every other person out there. Strike up conversation by asking random questions. Once you've earned the trust of her group, then just slowly adjust your movements towards her and give her cues to show her you mean business. Kindly ask her friends that you'll be taking her away for a few minutes, then work your magic..By cues I mean non-verbal... use kino type stuff (use your leg to touch hers, palm reading, etc)

[boy better know]

ima chump so I dunno if they are just inebriated or really interested. still kinda drunk too, so can't think logically atm @_@...

girls give their numbers to dus all the time, it's doesnt matter

call the target, ask her out then carry it from there

and for the sake of this thread, don't ask her out via text

[OkayOkay]

Had to ask out this one girl partially via FB, had no other contact for her. Told her to forward me her # so I could do it all proper like...but she's far from proper. Got +2's and parties pretty hard. Taking a potential alchoholic out for a drink. Makes sense.

[djrajio]

any advice on how to move on after being hurt other than cliche "plenty of fish in the sea" type shit? ive been hitting the gym hard lately, hanging with friends a lot, and seeing other chicks but i just cant seem to shake this one girl.

Time always heals everything.

The reason you keep thinking of her is because you haven't found the right one that peaks your interest the same.

But going back to the ex will be impossible so at least you have some solace in knowing that you can never go lower than square one.

[Chris-Craft]

thanks for the advice okayokay and djrajio. i know time heals all wounds and im doing a lot better now than i was a couple weeks ago. definitely past the blubbering/emotional wreck phase. great words of advice: always delete ex's #'s and contact info because you know you'll be tempted to call/text them when drunk or feeling lonely or w/e (learned this the hard way a long time ago).

I dont usually block ex's on fb, but in this case i had to block her to keep myself from looking at her profile and feeling depressed/sorry for myself. I like your idea of a little russian woman sweeping unpleasant thoughts away okayokay, ima come up with my own twist on that. im at the point now where im pretty indifferent to the whole situation in general, but I still get hit with waves of regret/sadness pretty regularly. i know there is no going back though, im just trying to stay positive and move forward.

as for my friend who is now dating her: i really dont know how to handle that shit. where im at right now, i know it would be difficult for me to see them together. i would be equally likely to try to pick a fight with him as i would be to just leave and remove myself from the the situation. im not a vindictive person and i want them both to be happy...but if being around them being happy together makes me sad, then fuck it im not having it. luckily i havent had to deal with this awkwardness yet because they we all live a couple hours away from each other. but we all have a lot of mutual friends so i know it will come up eventually.

ive fucked a couple other girls but they were just horny/lonely slams, and with 1 exception (girl who gives great head) they have been 1 night stands. like djrajio said, i havent found the right one to pique my interest yet. shit just takes time i guess.

anyway, thanks all for taking the time to respond. it feels good to vent about it. ive talked to some of my close friends about it, but its easier to think logically/objectively and type about it than it is to discuss it in person.

edit: video semi-related

Edited May 19, 2012 by Chris-Craft

[OkayOkay]

BOOM she just hit me back with the #, gonna connect later this week. Not even sure where to take a girl like this. Inb4 bedroom. I know.

On a def related note, hooked up with the ex last night, been lightly chatting last couple days...was so good, trying not to re-catch feelings. I know it's a bad idea, she's just fucking cool and I still love having her around, regardless of what I'm trying to tell myself. Options help tho.

[djrajio]

On a def related note, hooked up with the ex last night, been lightly chatting last couple days...was so good, trying not to re-catch feelings. I know it's a bad idea, she's just fucking cool and I still love having her around, regardless of what I'm trying to tell myself. Options help tho.

Why are you doing this?

Stop being stupid.

[djrajio]

And on top of this I don't see how you can be giving advice if you're not even practicing the solid advice given on this thread.

[OkayOkay]

Tell me about it.

You just did. Fuck...I know. I KNOW.

[xArtlessartx]

Come on Okayokay lol.. Drop the ex..

Sistas get respect, bitches get what they deserve... Move on from that girl and seek greener pastures

Edited May 19, 2012 by xArtlessartx

[OkayOkay]

Just had epic night, priorities in order.

[Chris-Craft]

had my first red head last night...all right all right all right

[Mr HaGa]

Has anyone here ever cheated/had an affair where it didn't end badly? Been married over 8 years, with kids, never cheated, but I'm so fucking tempted lately - definitely feeling that 7 year itch...

About a month ago I had a drink after a late night with someone from work and had a great time. Again a couple of weeks later. She's in a relationship too, lives with someone, but unhappily and she fucks other people. She's supersmashingfucking hot in a non-obvious way. We get along great, though maybe just friend-zoning - after 8 years I now suck at reading those kind of signals.

I realize it's a horrible idea since we work closely together and she's got kind of a fuck-it-all self destructive streak, but fuuuuuuu... Is there any way I can pull this off without it ending in disaster? We're having drinks this weekend...

Edited May 25, 2012 by Mr HaGa

[okonomi]

Although I am 18, clueless and entirely unqualified to comment on your situation, you are entirely aware that you shouldn't do that. So I suggest that you don't.