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TheBrokeDJ

NYC Subway Stories

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This thread is amazing.

This was on a public bus, but worth sharing. I was heading to work in Oakland the other day, and this really old, frail Asian woman had just gotten on. Bus driver gotta keep moving to stay on schedule, so before she sits down, he starts driving. She, unfortunately, wasn't ready, and ate shit. Only she didn't just eat shit. She face planted directly into this morbidly obese black woman's muff. I am talkin' perfect aim here. Not into her gunt, not into her thigh, but straight into the muff. To make matters more comical, the acceleration coupled with her frailty kept her face firmly plastered to said muff for no less than a full 15 seconds.

*Just so nobody has to feel bad, she was uninjured.

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i got on an a train at 59th about 6 months ago. There was a smell. It was strong. All the other cars were PACKED. I got on that car just on the random. There were like 4 other heads and me. One of them had shit himself. I was trapped until 125th. That sucked.

The golden rule of the MTA: If you get into an empty subway car during peak hours, it's safe to assume that a homeless man has either:

*shat himself

*is antagonizing commuters

*or is waving his dick around

inside said car.

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So one day, I was sitting on the packed-full 1 train, when this couple sits next to me. I'm just sitting there, absentminded, when I stretched out a little and repositioned myself more comfortably. I felt my hand hit something as I moved, but I figured it was just the seat. I payed the incident no mind, until I see the girl whisper something to the gentlemen she accompanied. The next thing I know, this dude is sitting next to me, staring, all up in my face. I'm getting nervous here, fiddling with the trenchcoat sitting on my lap, which I had no room in my bag for. When the train finally reaches my stop, I notice the man about to lunge at me in attack, so I quickly exited the car, releasing the contents of my bladder throughout my departure. Embarrassing, but I heard the fellow car travelers clapping at my brilliant escape.

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That exact same thing happened to me once except I was the male half of the couple. The dude sitting next to my now wife had glasses and a pale white dude afro and she leaned over to me and said "This guy is feeling up my leg" so we switched places and I started glaring at him and he bolted at 42nd street.

If I see you again I'm still gonna kick your ass.

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is it actually possible to start a conversation with someone on a train

Yes. I do it all the time.

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So that's why you're in an empty train car so often :D

Only that ONE time, geez. :)

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i got on an a train at 59th about 6 months ago. There was a smell. It was strong. All the other cars were PACKED. I got on that car just on the random. There were like 4 other heads and me. One of them had shit himself. I was trapped until 125th. That sucked.

Why didn't you just move to the other car while it was moving?

is it actually possible to start a conversation with someone on a train

At 4-6 am on a weekend anythings possible on a train

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^ cuz the car was PACKED - so many people it was hard to move around

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But you only said there where 4 other people and you? Or did you mean they were with you?

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Guest roastedchickenwing

This happened a while back but...

I was on my way home from school. I hopped on the front of the 6 train going uptown. I took a seat at my usual spot near the glass windows. The car was vacant as usual, but there was an intense stench like none i smelt before. I could only assume it was left by a previous homeless passenger. I attempt to walk out as fast as i could but the doors shut before me. I had to hold on to my nose the entire station, and i could see a man from the window on the other side of the cart laughing. As soon as the train reached the next stop i immediately switched cars. The guy giggled and told me, "i was waiting to see when you'll get out of there" and i chuckled.

As soon as the train reached 14th street union square i was ready to see how people would react. The station was over populated with busy people getting off from work and i could tell they were all eager to take a seat. As soon as the doors opened, everyone rushed in like a pack of camels and all i saw across the window were people yelling, cursing, holding their noses, and shoving their way out. As much i wanted to hold my laughter, i burst aloud. People started to crowd my car and a black and hispanic guy in particular were cursing and making conversation that i found extremely hilarious.

Gotta love the big apple!

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But you only said there where 4 other people and you? Or did you mean they were with you?

I never mentioned anything about 4 other people.

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At 4-6 am on a weekend anythings possible on a train

ya i guess drunk train is an exception

i see so many cuties on the way to work in the morning and i'm all :S

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i got on an a train at 59th about 6 months ago. There was a smell. It was strong. All the other cars were PACKED. I got on that car just on the random. There were like 4 other heads and me. One of them had shit himself.

10 characters

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not a NY story, but I was on the metro in paris and this busker jumped on and started singing. no guitar or music or anything, just singing. he was this junkie looking guy and had a really gravelly voice, like louis armstrong. most incredible voice. he kept winking and smiling at everyone around him.

when he finished up and came around for money, heaps of people gave him coins, he must have cleaned up - I think I gave him ~ two euro. every time he got any money he'd say "no tax, no government regulation" in french and wink.

the kicker? he was collecting money in an old oxycodone tin.

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this wasn't in the subway, but not too long ago i was outside of that ice cream spot sundaes and cones enjoying a dope fuckin scoop of butter pecan when this drunk lady in clown makeup walks towards me, stops when she's about 5 feet away, and proceeds to squat down and take a piss while looking me right in the eyes. naturally i looked right back and kept eatin that ice cream LIKE A BOSS.

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yo one time on the 1 train my homie was tellin me that he wants to get a jesus crown of thorns tatted or something and i told him to never say the name jesus on the train and right after i said that an asian construction worker man began to press me and lecture us about how good is good and we shouldn't hide from jesus etc. when we parted ways (after like 10 stops) he told us to have a blessed evening

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Like everyone else not a subway story but........i had finished skating brisbane city for the day and walked up to my usual bustop. I noticed there was a ring of people about 5 m from where everyone usually congregates. There was a homeless man fingering a homeless woman at about 200miles per hour. She was moaning and his finger was an absolute blur as it ransacked that womans special area. Meanwhile many, many people tried not to look as they had to be there or else miss their commute. They both had soot or dirt all over their faces like mine workers.

Edited by Lukenstein

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probably hipster performance artists. I bet they both have tumblrs.

Haha but at least 10 years ago.

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  • Luisa via Roma (US)
    Brand - 125 x 125