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haptronic

dear ... [an open letter]

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Gotta get her name too.

Or maybe anonymity is better?

There's something highly pleasurable about a raw but anonymous sexual relationship a la Last Tango in Paris

here, why not get best of both worlds - ask for her name and give her a fake one, although one that has some personal significance to you. Yeah, that's kicks right there.

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Dear ex,

While I find it hilariously ironic that you're now preggers after faking a scare with me, the icing on the cake was finding out through mutual friends that it was a one-time fling with a church youth group leader. And he has a girlfriend. I guess now you won't be able to go wrap up that plan of heading back to finish up those last couple high school credits. Did I say couple? I assume it's still at least two years' worth, just like it was when we split a few years ago. I'd like to think after all this it might force you to clean up and get your act together, but the fact that I saw you at a Halloween party pounding back beers when you are apparently four months along at this point, well... your actions speak loudly enough.

-K

(Ahhh, that felt good)

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dear haptronic,

i am still waiting for you to change my title from "superfreak" to "i win every thread i post in"

your pal,

-artificialsky

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dear ex,

hahahahahahaha.

always,

julz

---------------------------------------------------------------------

dear guy (again),

i had another dream about you. WTF. im obviously worried, but confused as to why youre still on my mind. SIGH.

you were living in your moms house in this dream, where i hope you really are and not walking the streets of cleveland cause i know you cant keep a job for shit.

stop stealing from goodwill.

always,

julz

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dear girl at the gym,

I see you looking at me everytime we're at the gym. Yes, obviously we are both there at 6pm and i see you working out with your mom. I try to avoid eye contact with you as much as possible and i know you catch me looking. I catch you looking too. But please stop being underage, im pretty sure you're not 18 (even though your body says otherwise). If you are 18+, then please give me a sign so i can say whats up. Until then, we shall continue to trade glances.

(no pedo)

___________________________________________________

Dear Brosef,

I know you're at Cal Poly now and I can't be there to have your back all the time. You've turned into a fine young gentleman and a fine specimen of man-meat. Please keep pumping iron and keep up your vascularity. I was always worried how you would turn out and if being in your big brother's shadow would effect you as a child/teen. I tried to show you the finer things in life and i believe you did well. Hell, you can tear me up on the 6-string and are taller/more muscular than I.

But please, for the sake of our parents, stop fuckin up in school. You saw the bullshit they went through with me and I don't think they can handle anymore of that. Stop fuckin with the girl from san diego cuz we both know damn well thats whats pre-occupying your time. There are so many hotter bitches in SLO that it almost bothers me that you're still hung up on her. Do you not remember i was in the same position my freshman year? Clingy Greek girl from San diego and not doing well in class....sound familiar?

i know you're a smart guy, theres only so many times i can tell you before you start getting annoyed with me but fuck man, just do it. Please?

Big bruvva

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You were initially sprung for me.... I became sprung during our 3 months.

It was almost as if I was putting your pussy up on a pedestal.

You're a naive prude who can't even let a brother lay the pipe,

I was whupped for no plausible reason, and I regret it all.

That seems to be the only surefire way to smash and be gone.

welcome to the internet.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Girl that Works at the Convenience Store,

I wonder what you think of me paying for my apple juice every morning in exact change.

I know its obnoxious but I think we're both used to it by now right?

Spilling a handful of coins all over the counter and counting out loud in English for no apparent reason.

"10, 20, 70, ....ok, and.... 125. HERE IT IS, 125 EXAAAAAACTLY."

You give me that "its nice that you are retarded but still allowed to be in society" type look.

I think we might be in love.

-salaryman

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welcome to the internet.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Girl that Works at the Convenience Store,

I wonder what you think of me paying for my apple juice every morning in exact change.

I know its obnoxious but I think we're both used to it by now right?

Spilling a handful of coins all over the counter and counting out loud in English for no apparent reason.

"10, 20, 70, ....ok, and.... 125. HERE IT IS, 125 EXAAAAAACTLY."

You give me that "its nice that you are retarded but still allowed to be in society" type look.

I think we might be in love.

-salaryman

snap a pic. is she Korny Azn? Maize-y Latina?

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Dear childhood hood friends

Although most of you are in jail , I always told you guys to take the straight path in life instead of trying to get money fast. Everyone can probably go this dillema where we live, or where I use to live. You use to see the big drug dealers with money,girls,cars and power. They got people fucked up and took over blocks , but at the end all of those things were just temporary because they're not even alive anymore. I still chill with Richie he's still one cool as dude from 1st grade to now. My old friends who aren't in jail keep your heads up going to make it out soon.

Peace and Love

Joshua Kissi aka Jkissi

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Dear brother,

It seems like you're fucking up your life, a lot. Sadly, I'm not surprised, and sadly, you're not taking any of my advice.

As a junior in high school, you should know what the SATs are. You should know that anything below a 2.0GPA is unacceptable, and you should know that living at home with mommy when you're thirty years old ain't gonna cut it with the ladies. I'm through with hiding your report cards so that Mother doesn't whoop your ass - you need to shape the fuck up.

I know you like to mix music, dance, sing, etc, but you gotta get your life in check. Mature up and at least pass high school. Don't be ridiculous.

Sincerely, your concerned sister.

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dear ex of a close friend,

You are fucking crazy as shit, seriously, you are insane. You're really smart, pretty, and talented but you have got to get your shit straight. I understand that you still care for him as he does you; however, you're not together anymore. Keep in mind that you ended the relationship and you were a complete cunt about it. You can't fucking be jealous of his happiness. You completely fucked up by letting him go and I think you're just realizing it. I could go on forever, but pretty much I hope you fucking rot in hell. Oh and if you try to start shit with me I'll fucking beat your ass, you know I can.

- <3 alex

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dear *,

honestly after a month i thought you'd be hitting me up saying you missed me and that you were ready for us to work something out. im realizing that this might really be it for us. im amazed I wasted so much time with you and resent the opportunities ive lost because I kept on going back getting caught up with you again. I hope you look back at our time together and realize what we had was special and you totally fucked it to the point where I had to walk away from it even though this isnt the first time I said I was out. Maybe how I did it was immature, but I was fed up and wasnt down with getting back into a shitty situation with you. I realize im not missing the blatantly shitty aspects of your personality and intellect, just how fucking bomb you were to look at and feel, and how you could be so cute and sweet sometimes it would make my insides melt. But in retrospect that was probably all game.

Who knows if il see you again, but I definately need to get over a chick like you.

N

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Dear Hap,

When we gonna release our get rich quick jean?

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self edge x cheap monday

call the jean 'expensive friday'

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self edge x cheap monday

call the jean 'expensive friday'

Bon Jovi Fridays

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dear nose ring,

why are you being such an asshole? It could be because I'm drunk, but it could also be because you fucking suck, not really though! You're sober and I just bought three of your sisters, I hope by the time I open you'll be able to get stitches or somethin

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Dear Present Maid,

I didn't like your fat ass the first time I laid my eyes on you at the employment center. My mom was looking for help, you were lucky to be signed on board. With each passing day, your growing insolence and taking for granted that you can help yourself to as much food as you want every dinner, even if it means taking out portions designated for the masters, has my patience wearing thinner than the soles on a pair of Avantindietros. I cannot wait until this contract is up so I can fucking fire you. Until then, wipe that fucking smirk off your face, cunt.

Regards,

Your Boss

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dear nose ring,

hope by the time I open you'll be able to get stitches or somethin

what the fuck was i talking about?

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Hello dad, I'm in jail

Hi dad, I'm calling you from jail

Hi dad, happy birthday, I'm in jail

Jail, jail, hi dad

All those years, I'm in jail now

I'm in jail, I like it here

It's nice, I like it

Hello dad, I'm in jail

Hello, hello dad, hi, I'm in jail

Say hi to mom, from jail

I'm in jail, I'm gonna stay here

I like it here

I like it, yeah, throw away the key

I'm in jail

Hello dad, I'm in jail

Jail, jail, jail, jail

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dear ***,

this morning when you went nuts on skype, i really had no idea how to react. i had my balls up my throat and started getting defensive for something i didn't do. i know that i'm the only possible victim of this "scandal" but i honestly don't give a fuck about that dude and his affairs. why would i even bother to "help" him out.

i hope this matter gets resolved eventhough you came back to me telling me to drop it and said to me you're going to assume that it wasn't me who did it but fuck, anyone with the right state of mind knows you don't fucking trust me no more. i want the truth to surface just so i can gain back the trust you had in me.

love,

min

P.S: i still can't believe you said what you said to me this morning.

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another, this is great

Dear Grace,

You are the best friend I've ever had. I love you with all of my heart and I regret ever taking you for granted. School is so much better with you around, you're the reason I'm still even slightly sane. In middle school you were wack as shit but so was I. Ugh I don't know how I'd survive with out you, it seems like you're the only one that thinks any where close to the same way I do. You're my number one friend out of the three I have and I would do any thing to keep it that way forever. I know we're both going to go off to college and I hate saying dumb shit like this but I wish we could go together! Holy shit dude, that would be soo fun! I don't know how you can stand me, some times I'm really mean to you and then I feel super bad but I dunno, I know you know I don't mean it. It kind of sucks that your dad hates me now but it's whatever, it's with good reason. You make my day, every single one of them. When I can't talk to you for more then 12 hours I contemplate suicide (not really!). I've known you for FIVE years now, holy shiiiit. Throughout it all not once have you broken my trust. I've told you things that I swore to myself I wouldn't even think about ever again and you haven't said a word to any one ever, even when we hated each other. I would die for you and def. defend you no matter the situation, remember that one time downtown? You're the best friend a girl could ever ask/have/imagine and I don't deserve any of you're time at all. I get really jealous when you start talking to holly again, I'm just scared you're going to forget about me or not care or stop liking me or something, that's usually what happens with best friends. I've dropped over $200 on you and been grounded for months because of stuff I've done for or with you, but I don't regret a single cent or second. We've been through thick and thin and we've both made our fair share of mistakes. I'm glad I get to grow up and become an adult with you, looking back and seeing how we used to be, it's amazing I'm still alive. Never once have you betrayed, judged, hurt, or thought less of me. You are honest with me, except for that one time but I understand that was for my own good, you're pretty, caring, skinny, and just a fucking awesome person. I've spent the best and worse of my sixteen years with you. The thought of growing up scares the shit out of me but I think if I have someone like you around I might just be able to do it. UGH, dude can you believe my heart has been pounding for SIXTEEN fucking years?!? Imagine being eighty!!!!! French class is awesome and I'm gonna start helping you with homework and stuff so you can get your grades up and not be grounded because it really fucking blows when you are. We need to instill some morals/values/whatever in your brother and teach him the ways of weed since I don't want him being stupid about it. I lovelovelovelovelove you, you're my blood sister and I swear on my life I would be a vegetable with out you.

all of my heart,

alex

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Dear Begz,

One day I will pony up with the three dollars and fifty odd cents for some of those yellow kiwi fruit you so desire.

P.s. I never have enough reputational points for mrip.

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Guest jmatsu

boston,

you fucked up. i had once humored you via friendly pm conversation about shoes which you had initiated. this was because i got you mixed up with bostonwardrobe, who is kinda respectable-like. even after i had realized that i had mistaken you for him! even after this realization i still (against my better judgement) let you exist and do your thing. with your latest seemingly biased theatrics i just wanted to say fuck you.

when i close my fist so does supertrash. it shall implode and so shall you.

you have until tomorrow to make reparations.

jmatsu

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dear mom,

sorry i am not as good at Danny or Greg at anything. they have always had much more determination than me when it comes to getting stuff done. yet they still look up to me, and if you can't realize why it is because i am a hell of a guy. stop comparing me to my cousins like getting a house in a nice neighborhood is all that matters, because they wish they were me more often than not.

love,

connor

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boston,

you fucked up. i had once humored you via friendly pm conversation about shoes which you had initiated. this was because i got you mixed up with bostonwardrobe, who is kinda respectable-like. even after i had realized that i had mistaken you for him! even after this realization i still (against my better judgement) let you exist and do your thing. with your latest seemingly biased theatrics i just wanted to say fuck you.

when i close my fist so does supertrash. it shall implode and so shall you.

you have until tomorrow to make reparations.

jmatsu

his blog sucks

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dear lab,

make it yourself

kind regards

money tuff

mrip knows more about nacho

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dear dad,

its been so long since i've talked to you.i wish you'd come back home fumbling your keys at the front door and finally getting in after 5 mins, you'd come through that big cold door with the hugest smile on your face in delight to see your youngest son, me waiting. I still remember your breakfasts to this day. pb and j on one slice of toast that you didnt even cut in half but folded. always around 10am when the sun was shining through the windows. i miss when you made rows upon rows of dumplings for dinner just for me because i asked. it hurts to know that you wont see me graduate in may. i wish you were here because its so tough for me right now without you. you were so strong minded and your words would always lead me to ease. i think abut you from time to time wondering what it wouldve been like if you were still here. i miss you so much it hurts. ive never said this before to you but i love you dad. so much i wish i could hear your voice again.

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Dear 2nd and 6th period,

You're mostly all awful people. Enjoy being pregnant or in jail by 15.

See you tomorrow

Mr. M

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dear cam and jimmy,

please let bygones be bygones. rap is in a disarray and the game needs the set back again. i need the set back together. remember all the wonderful adventures of kufi smacking? remember the sizzurp? remember throwing money off a bus when you guys first signed to rocafella?

cause i do.

also please please dont let this be over a bitch. a bitch is just a bitch. nothing more, nothing less.

J

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  • Luisa via Roma (US)
    Brand - 125 x 125