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Humor Thread


Vs Toto

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Post some funny, inoffensive, and easily accessible jokes in here! Photoshops are more than welcome!

I'll start:

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

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^Hmmmm. Let's keep it clean guys. Here are some themes to avoid when making funny jokes: sexuality, gender, age, race, interpersonal relationships, vulgarity, politics, and references to anything that isn't common knowledge.

Here's another I like:

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

smiley_lol.gif

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^Hmmmm. Let's keep it clean guys. Here are some themes to avoid when making funny jokes: sexuality, gender, age, race, interpersonal relationships, vulgarity, politics, and references to anything that isn't common knowledge.

Here's another I like:

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

╠═╣€ ├╡ √10char

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"A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

LOL! I figured it would go with the recent theme of twilight :)

:)

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Someone merge this with the other mods-are-communist-oppressors thread from over a year ago.

Motherfucking late pass you whiny bitches. Y'all should read beyond the 1st page of threads in the supertrash…

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Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights?

He’s all bone & no muscle.

Who was the most famous skeleton detective?

Sherlock Bones.

What do the skeletons say be for eating?

Bone appetite

Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party?

He had no body to dance with.

What do you give a skeleton for valentine’s day?

Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To go to the body shop.

Who was the most famous French skeleton?

Napoleon bone-apart

Why did the skeleton go disco dancing?

to see the boogy man.

What instrument do skeletons play?

Trom-BONE.

Why did’t the skeleton cross the road?

He had no guts.

What kind of key does a skeleton use?

A skeleton key.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie?

He didn’t have the guts.

Why do skeletons drink milk?

To help their bones!

What is a Skeleton’s favorite song.

Bad to the Bone

What’s a skeletons favorite part of the house?

the living room

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the halloween party?

Becuse he had no body to go with.

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Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

A: Dayscare centers.

Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?

A: Bamboo.

Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?

A: Boo boos.

Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?

A: A BOO-logna sandwich.

Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?

A: The Eerie canal, Lake Eerie ! or Mali-Boo

Q. What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

A: The roller ghoster.

Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?

A: At the ghost-ery store.

Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?

A: At the ghost office.

Q: What's a ghosts favorite fruit?

A: Booberries.

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best ?

A: A dead end !

Q: What did the baby ghost eat for dinner ?

A: A boo-loney sandwich !

Q: What do you call a ghost's mother and father ?

A: Transparents !

Q: How did the ghost song and dance act make a living ?

A: By appearing in television spooktaculars !

Q: What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains ?

A: Boo-ts and ghoul-oshes !

Q: Why are ghosts bad at telling lies ?

A: Because you can see right through them !

Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class ?

A: Watch the board and I'll go through it again !

Q: How do ghosts learn songs ?

A: They read the sheet music !

Q: What is a ghost's favourite day of the week ?

A: Frightday !

Q: Where do ghosts get an education ?

A: High sghoul !

Q: What did the polite ghost say to her son ?

A: Don't spook until your spooken to !

Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?

A: Hoblin Goblin.

Q: What do you call a prehistoric ghost ?

A: A terror-dactyl !

Q: Who speaks at the ghosts' press conference ?

A: The spooksperson !

Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?

A: How do you boo, sir?

Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?

A: Boo boo's!

Q: Why did the ghost go to the amusement park?

A: He wanted to go on a rollerghoster !

Q: Who's the most important member of a ghost's

football team ? A: The ghoulie !

Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?

A: In the moaning.

Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?

A: Ghost toasties with booberries, Scream of Wheat or Dreaded wheat !

Q: What do ghosts drink at breakfast?

A: Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q: What is a ghost's favourite dessert ?

A: Boo-Berry pie with I-scream !

Q: What do ghosts dance to ?

A: Soul music !

Q: Where do ghosts live ?

A: In a terrortory !

Q: What color are ghosts?

A: BOOOO!

Q: When do ghosts usually appear ?

A: Just before someone screams !

Q: What's a ghost's favorite ride?

A: A roller ghoster!

Q: What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars ?

A: Sheet belts !

Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner ?

A: Ghoulash !

Q: What kind of ghost has the best hearing ?

A: The eeriest !

Q: What does a ghost swim in?

A: The Dead sea!

Q: Who did the ghost invite to his party?

A: Anyone he could dig up.

Q: Who was the famous ghost detective?

A: Sherlock Moans.

Q: What vehicle does a kid ghost like to ride?

A: A boocycle.

Q. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?

A: To get a Booster shot.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast

A: Dreaded wheat.

Q: How did the ghost patch his sheet?

A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What is a ghost's favorite bird?

A: scare crow!

Q: What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?

A: Boonanas and Booberries.

Q: What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

A: Boo--icks.

Q: What's a ghosts favorite Broadway play?

A: phantom of the opera!

Q: What did one ghost say to another?

A: Do you believe in people?

Q: What medicine do ghosts take for colds?

A: Coffin drops.

Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?

A: Spook-ghetti.

Q. What is a ghost favorite article of clothing?

A: Boojeans.

Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?

A: Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q: What time is it when a ghost haunts your house?

A: Time to move to a new house!

Q: What's a ghosts favorite desert?

A: Boo-berry pie & I scream.

Q: What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?

A: Whipped scream.

Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost ?

A: Put your boos and shocks on !

Q: Why are ghosts cowards ?

A: Because they've got no guts !

Q: What story do little ghosts like to hear at bedtime?

A: Ghoul delocks & the 3 scares.

Q: What is a ghost's favorite party game?

A: Hide-and-go-shriek.

Q: What do ghosts say when something is really neat?

A: Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost rush home from school?

A: To watch an after-ghoul special on TV.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, poodle, & a ghost?

A: A cocker-poodle-boo!

Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

A: He is mist.

Q: Who protects the shores where spirits live?

A: The Ghost Guard!

Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?

A: You look boo-tiful tonight.

Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?

A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

A: He didn't have a haunting license.

Q: What did one ghost say to the other when they fell down?

A: I got a booo booo.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

A: A boo-tie.

Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?

A: mas-scare-A

Q: Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?

A: Because demons are a ghosts best friend.

Q. Who did the ghost go with to the Halloween party?

A: With No-Body!

Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?

A: Boo-ties!

Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?

A: Tombstones

Q: What do ghosts mail home while on vacation?

A: Ghostcards.

Q: What do ghosts do when they're in hospital ?

A: They talk about their apparitions !

Q: What's the 1st thing ghosts do when they get in a car?

A: They boo-kle their seatbelts

Q: What do short-sighted ghosts wear?

A: Spooktacles.

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