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Superawkward


scoki

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a good friend of mine i hardly ever see anymore pulling the "i've always had a crush on you..." and tries to kiss me on the cheek. "uhhhhhh i'm gonna go home, i'm getting so tired all of a sudden. what? no, you totally didn't weird me out uh i should get going." wayyyyyyyyy awkward.

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Coming back from lunch and was waiting for the elevator to come. Check the parking lot and not a single form of life in sight so I give the place a double take and decide its safe enough to burp and fart. But i didn't take the elevators time of arrival into consideration during my calculations so im turned around back to the elevator let out a belch...cool still nobody home. So i let a fart loose and while im farting I pivot back around only to find a lady standing there getting off the elevator with the most disgusted look ever. It was a pretty intense fart by the way one of those loud dry non resonated exhaust sounding farts.

BUT WAIT IT GETS EVEN MORE AWKWARD.

I make my way back into customer service. Trying to convince myself ill never see that lady again so who the fuck cares? And if I ever do it'll be way after this happened. Turns out the lady only went up to her car because she forgot something and I wound up having to help her. Weirdest return ever. We wouldn't look each other in the eye and said like two words.

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I was at my good friends house and I told him that my brother was going to prom with his sister.

I started making jokes like.. ill make sure to give him a condom or ill make sure to remind him to pull out. random and funny ass shit that was pissing him off.

awkward thing was.. his dad was in the next room and FOR SURE heard everything I said.

I left with my head down and probably will stay away for a while.

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Licking your lips/biting your lip while looking around, then you look directly at someone, who's looking directly back at you...

just do what wakas doing in my avatar whenever something like this happens. totally clears the air and makes u look way cool.

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in high school i was walking in the hallway and there was this cute girl coming towards me from the opposite direction. she starts waving and smiling, and in my head im thinking, FUCK YEAH, SWAG, and i cheerfully wave back at her all smiling and shit trying to look cool.

of course, she was waving at her friend walking behind me.

:(

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Very drunk the other night and I was dancing with a girl. Put my hands on her waist and she says, "That's very confident of you." I'm thinkin huh? and like ten seconds later I realise I'd missed her waist and there I was dancing with her, holding firmly onto her boobies instead.

She didn't mind which was nice but I was just too weirded out by my lack of coordination. I had to just walk away.

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went to popeyes recently with some friends

ordered our food and sat down right next to the door.

2 fat ladies walk in and stand in line and i say...

thank god we got here before them otherwise we would have had to wait for atleast an hour for our chicken.

they turn around in disgust

i sip on my orange soda and pretend i wasnt there....

my chicken was delicious

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I was helping a customer today and while were in the middle of a transaction, I exhaled through my nose and loosened the grip of a booger that was hanging on for dear life. Booger falls onto counter; I freak out. Customer was texting and i dont think she noticed so I Ninja edited the situation by sticking it onto a pen and letting it roll off the counter where id be able to pick it up and throw it and the pen away later. Problem was my coworker decided to clean up a bit and started picking shit up off of the floor.

I denied everything.

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My really straight aunt who I barely ever talked to sent me a facebook message asking me to buy her weed (a single pre-rolled joint, for a friend...hah).

I had to phone someone to get it, and then she did a 'you slip it under my door, and I'll slip out the money and we'll never talk about it again'.

I have no idea why she thought I was the best candidate for this task, but I felt like a hustler.

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