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scoki

Superawkward

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i wouldn't be confident enough in my palate to call out a corked wine but:

 

i returned a bottle of skunked ommegang at a belgian bar in philly

the bartender insisted (without tasting it) that i just didn't know what it is supposed to taste like.

when he finally did taste it, he relented

 

felt good man

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walk on the road

I always walk on the road when I'm strolling through Chinatown or downtown. Too many folks.

I don't cook much, usually I eat out or take out to go home.

There's a spot I go to because they have the best mapo tofu in town, and the portion is huge so I split it into two for later the week. Go at least maybe once a week. Twice sometimes.

The manager there hooks it up with 10, than 20% off so each meal comes out to like $8 which split into two is $4.

Once he made a weird comment about how he saw me at jtown. Ignored. He comped me once. Which was nice. Than he made another weird comment about how I should stay and talk (cos I was making small talk with the cashier, and he was like, I didn't know you guys were such good friends...we aren't...even she looked at him like wtf).

I tell myself I won't go back but DMNIT the sauce is so good.

So I went back two weeks ago and he comped me again. Said I could just bring him drinks next time or something..errr

Went back the other day, and he comps me again, and makes a comment about how I am, if I am, the only friend he has that speaks English...sigh.

Why does it have to be so effin awkward sauce. Just lemme pay for my meal and go...

Also, quit my job cos I had a client ask me to go work for her.

So I still like to meet up with an old colleague for drinks or whatever just to chat and make nice every now and than...because a) I've socially shot myself in the foot the past two years or so so it would be nice to get more active now that I don't have a soul sucking job and B) he still works there so it's nice to know folks in that place to hook up / help with shiet.

So he is at a ballgame and I'm just finishing work, make plans to grab drinks, and he texts me something funny like me keeping him warm which I totally shrug off and ignore.

Than when he rolls in, he says he's not drunk and insists that we talked about getting to second base (wtf are we in, HS??) and so I tell him he's drunk. I don't wanna mess that shiet up, and he says ask me to spell something, test him or whatever cos he's not drunk. He passes the spelling test only because I have a very limited vocabulary (if you haven't caught on so far).

And than he says shiet that makes it superrrrrr awkward and I haven't texted him since.

I am so sad that that bridge, looks like it lit up and now gone.

Funny thing is that, he was like the type of friend that if I knew any hot blonde chicks (which I thought was his type) I would totally hook him up with.

Also, I have been riding uber more lately, and today my uber driver called me to let me know he's in the area so I approached a white Prius thinking its him. Driver hella rolled down and started talking to me but than my ear piece was saying something different.

Whoops.

Flagged down a non-uber. I was wondering why the license didn't match...

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but what about all that MSG?? (I denounced eating Chinese food so it's always awkward now with the fam and work..)

 

 

 

congrats w/ the new job. sounds like it's a better direction. 

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@whitney reading that post was more awkward than the content itself

Edited by Fycus

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@whitney reading that post was more awkward than the content itself

:| sorry

tend to ramble..

but what about all that MSG?? (I denounced eating Chinese food so it's always awkward now with the fam and work..)

 

congrats w/ the new job. sounds like it's a better direction.

Too hooked to care but i tell myself there's none..pretty sure

Thx, leap of faith.

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The first time my grandma taught me how to cook something, I was so shocked when she said, "... and then you add the msg..."

Edited by tac0tron

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which for some reason reminds me of the time i refused to take out the trash because of maggots on the lid. my dad scooped the maggots up with his hand and ate them, then dragged the cans out. he was a vietnam vet, obv.

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I was setting up for a Halloween party at my work last week, and one of the (adult) students stayed after class and was hitting on this girl  who is in the same program. 

I was dressed up like a really unsexy dog, climbing up on tables and dropping shit and and trying to hang cobwebs, and he started telling her this super intense story about how he used to be in a cult. They had this weird vibe like they were having this super private heart-to-heart and I was a few feet away flapping my dog tail and accidentally knocking my chair every few minutes. 

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That maggots story reminds me of the time I first went over to a friends place back in high school. Walked into the kitchen only to see a raw steak on a plate with what appears to be a  fungus growing out of it. 

Edited by FutureFuture

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I was setting up for a Halloween party at my work last week, and one of the (adult) students stayed after class and was hitting on this girl  who is in the same program. 

I was dressed up like a really unsexy dog, climbing up on tables and dropping shit and and trying to hang cobwebs, and he started telling her this super intense story about how he used to be in a cult. They had this weird vibe like they were having this super private heart-to-heart and I was a few feet away flapping my dog tail and accidentally knocking my chair every few minutes. 

"yeah babe i used to be in this cult... you wouldn't believe the shit i done"

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was watching the gift at the cinema. so halfway the movie this guy with a white shirt walks in and starts standing on the side near the stairs. so i switched back to the movie and the whole time i saw a white spot in my peripheral vision. the guy just kept standing there till the end. ironically the whole movie was about a creep

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was watching the gift at the cinema. so halfway the movie this guy with a white shirt walks in and starts standing on the side near the stairs. so i switched back to the movie and the whole time i saw a white spot in my peripheral vision. the guy just kept standing there till the end. ironically the whole movie was about a creep

i thought that movie was reaaaally gooood

 

also watched edgertons other really good movie (he co-wrote, brother directed) called the square. also really good.

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i was trying to drop off a shirt i got for a...anyways, didn't feel right giving it to someone else + can't return (mostly was free) + i'm trying to clear space because either i'm moving or going to be traveling for a year (*crosses fingers for latter*).

 

maybe the code changed?

 

I was struggling to get the door open b/c i didn't want to leave it outside.

 

roommate ended up opening it for me.

 

it went like:

who are looking for?

oh.

what is your name?

oh.

 

so 

 

bye!

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i thought that movie was reaaaally gooood

 

also watched edgertons other really good movie (he co-wrote, brother directed) called the square. also really good.

agreed. it could have lasted longer imo with the ending but still good. oh gordo

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Doing satisfaction surveys on people

 

And re-doing it on the same person again to see any changes from their last experience

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Meeting with this client and he was talking about being 62, retired on SS and needing more of that money to live the lifestyle. 

 

At the end of the meeting we shook hands, and shared a few more words about that life. He then reached out to try to shake my hand again but his hand was sort of in a fist, and I remember he's about that life, so, I reached out with my fist to reciprocate. But we just sort of grazed each other's knuckles. I think he turned around with a smirk kind of like "wtf". I said bye and walked away. 

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every fist bump is awkward

what a terrible way to greet someone you like

please let me punch your fist with my fist to express my admiration

 

if a white person tries to fist bump me

i assume he (or she) is a germaphobe

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its awkward that you ain't about that life

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every fist bump is awkward

what a terrible way to greet someone you like

please let me punch your fist with my fist to express my admiration

 

if a white person tries to fist bump me

i assume he (or she) is a germaphobe

go to meet fist bump

extend past their hand till wrists meet

pull peace sign

say 'snail'

 

now its superawkward

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I've been getting the most interesting characters on uber lately.

This one I had today, tops the cake.

Before he picked me up (left hand turn) on his right side, there was a car going straight that was gonna smack into a car in the opp intersection turning into the same lane.

Anyways when I got in I made an offhand comment about it, thinking to break the ice so the ride wouldn't be so silent and awkward.

He didn't get it and so I was like okkkkkk we are gonna be silent from here on out.

Nope.

He started asking me how my day went (so he can really tell me how his went bc etiquette dictates I reciprocate).

He goes on to tell me how his day sucked cos xyz, he has no gf or friends cos he's new in the city...

Shows me his pills that the doc prescribes him because he thinks too much

How his gf and him broke up cos she wouldn't move here with him

Asks what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm doing after

Want to be friends

Do I have a bf

Want to go on a date

Give me his # and I call him after I'm done and he will pick me up

I'm like I dunnooooooo how long I will be when prompted

There were awkward silences on my part when he asks those Qs.

Key being plural. Usually after the first awkward silence, they can pick up a hint.

Luckily I have two numbers because he gave me his and made sure I call so he gets mine...

Ugh I'm such a pushover

Edited by whitney

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Haven't really posted on the future in years but i always liked this thread so let me start here.

 

 

so a few days ago my brother's best friend asks my brother, myself and a few of my friends if we wanted to go to his middle school to help him with his school's winter band concert.  After the concert is over, we are all cleaning up and what not and this one girl comes up to me and says "Hi Alvaro! do you remember me? We went to elementary school together!" and i'm thinking "no" and i tell her "i'm sorry i'm really bad with people, so i'm sorry but i don't remember you."  She looks kinda bummed but then she turns to my brother and says "i remember you too!" and my brother says "I remember you but I know your husband (then my brother turns to her son and says "your dad") even better!  Then my brother proceeds to say "your husband and me were supposed to graduate in the same class but he got held back a year!" ...and elementary school looks devastated!!  I'm assuming the son didn't know this information. and i'm just think "oh shit! double whammy awkward!" She excuses herself and leaves but wow we definitely ruined her night.

 

Still have no idea who she was. :/

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My friend invited me to this holiday dinner his roommate was putting on, and halfway through the night these grown ass twin brothers started arguing really loudly with each other over the table, and then things got heated between them and they stood up and sort of weakly reached/grappled fore each other while the rest of us just sort of awkwardly watched. 

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Arrived at work at the same time as another co-worker. We enter the front door at the same time. I always take the stairs and for a split second I saw her pace slow down as if to process where I would be going relative to her direction, which was the elevator. It's okay if you take the elevator, no shame in that. It was more awkward because after saying 'good morning' in the parking lot we walked in complete silence thereafter. the body language awkwardness. lol

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i love urinal stories

 

never do i feel like i'm swimming in the main stream of life than at a rest stop pissing in unison with a dozen or more men

 

i've probably told this story on here before but i was washing my hands at a sink in a movie theater restroom when this dominican gentleman turned to me and said in a baritone voice: what i am about to do may shock you. he uncoiled his wang and washed it under the tap.

 

another time (probably already told this one here too), a homeless man next to me at the urinal told me: never hold your piss

 

i never do.

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