Superawkward

[haploid]

In class talking about "how our cultural notions of beauty have changed since ancient Greece", the professor google images some classical and renaissance statues and asks the class what they think (idk this is some required humanities bullshit don't ask me). so after a few minutes of discussion, some girls start cracking jokes about how one of the guys depicted in the statue is hot, saying shit like "nice pecks" and "he has a nice ass". its a pretty informal classroom environment so everyone was laughing along with them. it probably didn't hurt that they were pretty attractive themselves.

anyway, this keeps up for a few minutes until one heavyset girl who wasn't in on the first group of girls tries to chime in with "MMMM look at the sack on that one". entire classroom goes dead silent for a good minute before the professor just went "well now, moving on with todays lecture..." sounded completely authentic too, like she really thought the statue had a nice ballsack but didn't realize how bizarre saying soemthing like that actually is.

[lorem3k]

sounded completely authentic too, like she really thought the statue had a nice ballsack but didn't realize how bizarre saying soemthing like that actually is.

you saying it didn't?

[evisu 2000]

which statue was it in the interest of full disclosure

[sawyer]

you saying it didn't?

could have been both at the same time

[fads]

i need to know too... for system research

which statue was it in the interest of full disclosure

[freshkills]

pulled over by a cop

asks for licence and registration

give him library card by accident

[ThePhysicist]

"i ain't steppin' outta shit my library card's legit"

[gettoasty]

my boss got in the morning and farted in the room and said 'oops' while i just stood there waiting for him to debrief

nothing was said for awhile (perhaps he was intensly reading the through the case) and i just left the room quietly. i think i muttered something.

fwiw my boss has a tendancy to run late, and use the restroom in our building before coming into the office. never thought i'd hear him fart. i wonder if that makes us closer now. i hope i get a promotion.

[e0d9n0b5]

my boss got in the morning and farted in the room and said 'oops' while i just stood there waiting for him to debrief

nothing was said for awhile (perhaps he was intensly reading the through the case) and i just left the room quietly. i think i muttered something.

fwiw my boss has a tendancy to run late, and use the restroom in our building before coming into the office. never thought i'd hear him fart. i wonder if that makes us closer now. i hope i get a promotion.

[e0d9n0b5]

also, lmfao @ never thought i'd hear him fart. i wonder if that makes us closer now

if you have to ask..

[lorem3k]

pulled over by a cop

asks for licence and registration

give him library card by accident

hey, i've kept books out past due date too, but shit man, never had to deal with cops because of it before.

[evisu 2000]

[mapclub]

[cheapmuthafukr]

i was at walgreens the other day, and the dude in front of me in line kept looking back and checking me out. He was in the mass market styleforum look... green pseudo mmil jacket and Urban outfitters selvedge... so it was hard to tell if he was checking out my dick, my jawns, or my fadez. either way it was weird.

[cheapmuthafukr]

oh, i was wearing my diors and i think you could see my dick, thats why i mention that. for some reason, that in itself is not awkward.

[denimdestroyedmylife]

one time, i was at some party and i was maybe slightly brain-boggled and i asked a family friend how his dead son was.

i mean, he had two sons, one dead and one not. and i asked about the dead one.

obviously, still dead.

but yeah, don't do that.

ask about the one that's alive, stupid.

[thedaniway]

I let a "cuddle buddy" borrow an ex-boyfriend's sweater one breezy evening. he still has the sweater, and he ran into my ex last night while wearing it.

sigh.

[merry burger]

I was halfway through a bottle of wine with a classmate that I don't know very well. He was telling me about his miserable married life, and I was nodding and "mm-hmm"ing to show that I was listening intently. I shoveled another forkful of food in my mouth, when I felt the unmistakeable feeling of an incredibly long hair in my mouth. The waitress must have dropped this delightfully long, coarse DNA sample onto the plate. I casually tried to pull it out of my mouth without breaking eye contact, but I realized that it had already snaked halfway down my throat and there was no way I could pull the whole thing out without him realizing what I was doing.

I had the mental image of a magician pulling an endlessly long string of scarves tied together out of his mouth, and couldn't deal, so I just slowly pushed the hair back into my mouth, downed my glass of wine, and swallowed it while trying not to gag.

[e0d9n0b5]

why would you eat the hair....???

[e0d9n0b5]

please don't eat hair

[merry burger]

The absolute worst time to be wearing an authentic WWII camouflage jacket with miniature German flags on the arms is when you're waiting for the 4 train in Brooklyn surrounded by hordes of Hasidic people staring at you. The only way this could possibly be more awkward is if I were a white dude with a jugend.

[freecat]

that was a long time ago

[fang]

today someone mistakenly asked me for help while shopping downtown. this has happened a couple of times before. I must look like a generic retail asian

[ninetynine]

This guy who works at the gas station up the street from me speaks english as a second language

I told him I wanted 40 regular and handed him my card, he looked at it and said "this isn't you?" to the picture on it.

I told him it was me (but with long hair).

He widened his eyes and said "YOU'RE A WOMAN?"

I was like "No... I just had long hair". He locked eyes with me for about 5-6 seconds then gave me my receipt to sign and said goodbye.

[Denpatou]

^^me in reverse, had short hair in all my ids... nowadays guys are constantly double taking when they walk into a bathroom and i'm washing my hands lol

[lorem3k]

i'm glad i stopped wearing long hair before getting ids. long hair + skinny means everyone asking "will that be all, ma'am?"

[dvzr0]

awkward inception:

go to bathroom

only stall open is middle stall

proceed to pee and realize both perimeter occupants are pooping

come out first and proceed to wash hands in middle sink (of 3)

poopers finish and wash hands in sinks around me

i know these poopers,

they start talking to me like nothing happened but it's too late, i am expressively uncomfortable

why i chose the middle sink is beyond even me...

as i was typing this, a coworker comes up and reads the post accidentally while checking for my screen size on the edge of my monitor

think i've fulfilled my awkward quota for the year

[BRICK DOM]

What would've been the icing on the cake is if the co-worker was one of the poopers

[evisu 2000]

or if it was a unisex bathroom and one of them was female

[StrangeLove]

or if he accidentally walked into the female restroom and he was the one that did the pooping only to realize that he was surrounded by female co-workers.