Superawkward

[WolfPssyMuncha]

why she get so mad is it that crucial? spoil the innocence?

[OkayOkay]

man so I'm leaving tomorrow am for Kauai with the whole extended family, like 18 of us, and I just found out someone decided to make matching family tee shirts with the last names and "Kauai 2012" on them, and they're all hyped on wearing them on the plane and then off to "surprise" my grandparents at the terminal in Lihue.

I'm apparently the only one not excited about this bullshit. Everyone else is hyped.

[bryanayrb]

for some reason i keep reading kauai like kawaii and im thinkin how can you not be psyched to wear kawaii t-shirts

[thelion1856]

this!

and i will say ordering online and getting package(s) delivered is a nice feeling.

[mapclub]

intended for low-five to fist bump...ended up being in between a low-five,handshake

this happened to me when i went to shake hands with the Flying Lotus drummer.

hand-shook his his attempted bro-fist and then he refused a photo with me.

ಥ_ಥ

[andrewisdope]

man so I'm leaving tomorrow am for Kauai with the whole extended family, like 18 of us, and I just found out someone decided to make matching family tee shirts with the last names and "Kauai 2012" on them, and they're all hyped on wearing them on the plane and then off to "surprise" my grandparents at the terminal in Lihue.

I'm apparently the only one not excited about this bullshit. Everyone else is hyped.

just slap a supreme sticker on it

[e0d9n0b5]

sometimes you gotta just lighten up and be a dweeb with your family

enjoy yourself

[freecat]

Tried to take a picture of someone looking funny in the metro. Dude realized and the picture was shit

[shinobi2000]

sometimes you gotta just lighten up and be a dweeb with your family

enjoy yourself

exactly, if i saw that on the plane, i'd recognize that that was a deliberately cheesy stunt done for jest and i wouldn't be *too* judgmental...:-)

[e0d9n0b5]

this whole video

[evilgeniusdan]

especially that ill fucking twist at the end. on par with usual suspects.

[Dropt]

As a great korean poet once said :

"Nigga wanna hustle"

Edited July 15, 2012 by Dropt

[lmk1995]

new french girl at work. can't understand a thing she says. i think she just tried to invite herself over to my place but i couldn't decipher the conversation until 30 minutes later so now i just look like an ass.

[boy better know]

new french girl at work. can't understand a thing she says. i think she just tried to invite herself over to my place but i couldn't decipher the conversation until 30 minutes later so now i just look like an ass.

pm me your facebook, i will give you free french lessons

[ifeelasleep]

mike, if you manage to integrate ^his signature in a conversation you're in.

[merry burger]

On my JFK > LAX flight a few days ago, I was walking down the aisle to my crappy middle seat, only to find an elderly couple sitting in the window and aisle seats and a small fluffy dog sitting in my seat on a filthy blanket. I love dogs, of course (and this one was a Corgi-Papillon mix that reminded me of my own dog), but having to next to this little guy who was clearly disoriented/freaking out/high on doggie tranquilizers for several hours was a whole different story. They said I could pet him, so I gave him a little scritch on the head, and the dog freaked out and gave me a few frantic nips.

The couple was nice enough to give me the window seat, but they put the dog on the husband's lap with his head facing me. He first sneezed on me about five times in a row, then started convulsing and loudly wheezing for what felt like an eternity. Everyone on the plane was looking over, and the couple started panicking, saying, "We have to get off the plane! Is Zach going to throw up? Is he going to throw up?" The wife looked at me with wild eyes and asked, again, even more loudly, "Is he going to throw up???" How the heck am I supposed to know? The dog's head was facing me, so I couldn't stop mentally picturing myself doused in projectile dog barf for the duration of a 5+ hour flight. The husband was holding a snack size Tupperware container under the dog's mouth in case of the worst. Luckily, the dog sneezed on me a few more times, stopped convulsing, and instead just blew soft, warm, moist dog breath and dog snot bubbles on my legs for the next few hours. I said to the husband, "I think Zach has the sniffles," so he gave me a tissue to blow the dog's nose.

On top of everything, the flight was delayed for six hours (a nightmare in itself) because of hail and lightning. I hesitantly asked, "Is Zach going to be okay without... going out for almost 12 hours?" The husband winked at me and pointed at a little plastic bag and said we'd have to "get creative."

I thought a miracle had happened when a flight attendant came up and told me that I may be able to move to a different seat, because a seat a few rows up had somehow opened up, and someone else would take my seat. The wife freaked the fuck out and screamed, "I don't want a strange man sitting with us! The dog knows her now and I don't want some strange man sitting with my dog! She's staying with us!" So the dude who was supposed to get my seat instead got a pretty sweet upgrade...

The rest of the flight wasn't so bad. I took out a little string cheese and suddenly the dog was in my lap and about an inch away from my face, staring intently into my eyes. Next thing I know, I'm waking up at LAX with a snoozing dog on my chest. I guess there are worse things in life.

Edited July 24, 2012 by merry burger

[gettoasty]

i went to the restroom at my building lobby like an regular monday.

to save energy the lights automatically turn off if not occupied or that if you stay absolutely still away from the sensors it auto shuts off too. well i learned the latter today when i walked in about to due my business. the lights take a moment to flicker on and i like the last stall since it is nice and big. half way past the middle stall and the lights still dim i noticed a pair of shoes and kind of have a brain shout 'WTF'

i thought i was going to be alone and in that instant i was already into the third stall and could not back track my way out. the whole time i'm like 'WTF' and wondering what the hell is the dude doing??

I put the seat down and pull a toilet seat cover. I sit down and i hear nothing from the stall to my right. i'm thinking to myself 'is this dude dead?? constipated and passed out??' i sit there nervously unable to release my bodily fluids (i have a shy bladder fyi). it usually helps when i am nervous to sit down and take a piss as well like a woman.

but this whole damn time i'm so nervous that we both just kind of sit there. i finally release and then i hear clicking next door and the dude is on his cellphone. 'wtf?!'

i pretend like i actually dropped the kids off and wipe my ass then walked on out of the stall. as i'm rinsing my hands i hear a loud runny fart come from the middle stall and i'm just thinking 'fuck you!!!, dude'

dude was also wearing some type of moccasin slipper and i just remembered that there has been reports of random people off the street going into this office building to use the restroom.

Edited July 24, 2012 by gettoasty

[Fycus]

that story was terrible, and not awkward in the slightest. Imagine staring people in the eyes while you're pooping at work through the cracks in the stall- Now that shit (pun intended) is awkward.

[gettoasty]

i guess you must not have a shy bladder

[OkayOkay]

So I'm chatting with this girl I'm seeing about what we're gonna do tonight and she says she wants to go to a psychic / get tarot cards read, which actually sounds kinda fun. Had my fortune told once and if you can take it as entertainment, it's a fun enough thing to do. Anyone in SF knows about that psychic a couple doors down from Pearl's on Post...she's kinda decent actually. Anyways (I'm in Sac), and I start googling psychics in the area to see who's open/available, and I call the first one listed. She answers and I ask about making an appt for 9pm and she says she's available, then asks if I have her new address. I just have the contact info Manta listed from a Google search and I read it off. She seemed normal until I said the address listed then suddenly got super aggressive and is like "honey, I'm a psychic and there is no way you could have known my home address." I explain it's just what came up from google, and she cuts me off and is like "I am fearing for my life right now, I see what you are planning on doing and I will absolutely not see you!" I'm fucking confused and tell her I'm just trying to take my girl and I to see a psychic and give her money for it, and again she starts ranting about how I'm a liar and a thief and not who I say I am and how could I know her home address (it's just what came up on a fucking google search), and she starts talking about calling the police but she "doesn't trust them either", and that's when I just hang up.

Needless to say we didn't go to a psychic tonight.

[wahwho11]

^ That's lolworthy, but not sure if it's awkward enough, since it wasn't face-to-face. Awkward points will be awarded and deposited into your account once you go and introduce yourself as the guy on the phone.

[redX]

wait for her at her home adress

[andrewisdope]

she'll probably see him coming. sounds dangerous.

[Dropt]

Not if he's got his invisible cape.

[wahwho11]

believe in the heart of the cards.

[BearCousin]

sit down and take a piss

lol you sit down when you pee

[ifeelasleep]

i did that once at a girl's place... i was too drunk, didn't fuck her, i woke to take a piss with a raging erection, using drunk logic thought it would be a good idea to sit... no dice, piss got on some towels. girl probably thought i jerked on them or some shit.

punishment for being a pussy

Edited July 27, 2012 by ifeelasleep

[okonomi]

Sitting to take a piss is great. I don't do it all the time, but if you can take a seat while you're doing something, why not do it?

That guy sits while he eats, what a pussy.

That guy sits while he's on the bus, what a pussy.

[lmk1995]

sometimes in the morning i'm so tired i've got no choice but to sit down when i piss.

[lawlercopterz]

^ wow.