Superawkward

[rapdancin]

when i see the last poster is dovo in this thread it's the first thing i read in trash

[jl.1212]

When I was a wee lad I was in an elevator with my cousins while hanging on for dear life to the pee that was about to burst forth. I couldn't do it and I peed my pants. To make things worse, a man walked in and went right into the puddle. He looked down then at us and we all sort of stood around and looked elsewhere until he got off.

[okonomi]

"When I was a wee lad." Pun intended?

[pepper davies]

So I'm home for winter break. Decide to make an okcupid for some fun. I had exchanged some messages with this girl, but didn't really invest much time into looking through her profile or anything. She told me she wanted to hangout, and I wasn't doing anything so why not, right?

I drive over to her place. Here's where the shit starts. Middle of butt fuck no where. Uh oh...she lives with her parents. I knock and her redneck dad answers. This man is 6'6 and covered in dragon tattoos. Girl walks down the stairs...doesn't look anything like her pictures. Fuck... We go up to her room and we start chatting. She instantly drops two bombs on me - her baby is downstairs and she is a recovering heroine addict. Her arms were covered in marks and she looks rough.

I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. This girl is touching my hair, calling me cute, saying she's horny. Fuck. I'm trying to text on my phone to get a friend to call me out of this mess, but there's just no service. Nothing will go through. She undresses. I'm sitting there on my phone. She's telling me how much she loves Harry Potter, Twilight, and True Blood. She's still touching my hair.

I start fake yawning. My phone dies. I ask if I can go play with her dogs downstairs. Instead of getting to play with her pugs I meet her baby. Ahhh. This continues for about 2 hours until I just stand up and say I have to go. I feel dirty.

[(10chars)]

^^ i would of ran out of the house

[ranonranonarat]

her redneck dad would've ran faster. shit is awkward as fuck.

[Denton]

and the baby looked like

[StrangeLove]

Oh my fucking god i just sent my "friend" the dirtiest text ever... and creeped her out a bit shes someone i hang out with on the daily too but i always imagine myself having sex with her ffffffffffffuuuuuuu

Update: so we went out for a few dates it turns out my friend is actually really bitchy... She completely changed. I thought we were gonna be how the same as we ve always been but with sex :l

[pieiskewl]

was undecided if i wanted to put this here or in "pics that make you uncomfortable"

decided to put it here because it's just too ridiculous

i will elaborate

we're in my room. i just got back im real stoned. my roommate is playing skyrim. this kid is repetitively opening up the fridge door and slamming it over and over again. i tell him multiple times to stop fucking with door and just chill out and stop slamming shit. my roommate also adds a "stop fucking around". this kid says ok. does it again. i ask him why he feels the need to keep doing this shit. he says "idk because its there?" (for reference he is sitting in a chair by my rm's desk and i am in front of my desk in my chair we are about 3feet away from each other, prob less) i tell him that is not a good reason to do something. he responds with a hurrr or something, i pull out a pair of scissors from my desk and point them at his throat. i tell him that his neck is just there and this is probably less effort than opening and closing the freezer door and that if i used his logic then i might as well cut his fucking throat and at least then he would stop fucking with my property so i would actually be doing something productive. he got the message and stopped fucking with my fridge.

earlier he would always kick on the wall and it would be loud as fuck. i would complain to him multiple times to stop and he would always be like "lol ok its not that loud" (it was loud as fuck). so the next time he did it i went over and gave him a 2handed chop inbetween the shoulder blades. he continued to do it. so i went to his room and started choking him. now he doesn't do it at all.

this kid is the biggest simp ever and has no idea of personal space or boundaries or personal posessions. when he infringes on these i use plain words to tell him to stop when that does not work i resort to violence because it is simple and effective

other people probably think i am insane but everyone on the floor fucks with this kid. i would never steal any of his shit or tape his shit to the ceiling or anything like that. i just keep him in line when he steps out of line

and on the rape thing

so we are in the cafeteria. last day of the semester. it is me. my roommate. kid who lives next door. roommates exgf from ms/hs. we are conversing. some kid comes up and has the generic convo as follows with the girl

hey howd you do on that exam?

uh i think i did ok

man i got raped

oh ok

and then other shit i was not listening to because i was having this conversation with kid who lives next door

i dont think he knows what rape means

-???? why do you say that

well he says that exam raped him and i doubt that it actually raped him, he should just say he did poorly on it or got a low mark or something, not rape. that weakens the word rape and is also misusing the english language

-o ya i suppose you're right

well what about all the rape victims? him using rape in this context really delegitimatizes their use of the word and it is a word that should have power because rape is an extremely traumatic experience.

-ya that is true

ill make him know the actual meaning of rape that way in the future he doesnt misuse the word because he will fully understand what rape means

-???? what are you saying??? he doesnt even know you

thats good, i dont want him to know me i dont want him to expect anything, see we're a few feet away and he doesnt hear any of this he has no idea of what we're talking about. rape isnt something you can be prepared for

-.............

Edited December 31, 2011 by pieiskewl

[dovo]

dag .

[e0d9n0b5]

thanks for the explaination pieiskewl

[Desi]

you sure raped him.

[ke1]

2handed chop inbetween the shoulder blades.

[Desi]

Remind me not to freak dance with my cousins at the club. Sometimes you should just turn around and say no and sip on expensive alcohol (that you didn't pay for).

[pieiskewl]

you sure raped him.

how do you know i have not raped him?

ever mix benzos and alch? you black out real easy, especially if you have never done them before.

even on just benzos you can black out

10mg clonazepam by itself is a sure black out for anyone who has never done it before

or maybe 3mg rohypnol or less

add alcohol and it is a guarantee

they'll be blacked out for a good bit at least 6hr of amnesia where one could be raped, (this is just from my personal experience i have not read any scholarly articles regarding the ideal benzo and dosage for a 6hr amnesia rape window)

[ke1]

2handed chop inbetween the shoulder blades.

[andrewisdope]

- saw girl at a party i met through a friend

- reintroduced myself, she doesn't remember me

- tried to refresh her memory by saying she was talking about just getting out of a relationship with her boyfriend

- she thinks I'm trying to be her new boyfriend and avoids me

awwwww yeeeaah

[koala]

^stick to milf hunting

[Wilbur]

- saw girl at a party i met through a friend

- reintroduced myself, she doesn't remember me

- tried to refresh her memory by saying she was talking about just getting out of a relationship with her boyfriend

- she thinks I'm trying to be her new boyfriend and avoids me

awwwww yeeeaah

Implying that wasn't your motive.

[72virgins]

twisted 

Edited November 11, 2017 by 72virgins

[zenii]

^ when is twisting your dads nipple ever appropriate

[wahwho11]

"i'm sorry, i twisted your nipples cuz i thought you were my dad..... my room number's 434."

Edited January 11, 2012 by wahwho11

[BearCousin]

^ when is twisting your dads nipple ever appropriate

i do shit like that all the time to my dad... flick his titties, slap his ass and say "good game", racial slurs, all dat shit. super fun.

[72virgins]

^ when is twisting your dads nipple ever appropriate

I thought that's how most son's would bond with their dads

Edited January 12, 2012 by 72virgins

[OkayOkay]

I have a camera 3" from my face...right this second.

[heyheyhey]

Awkward when you're looking at a dude and he does an awkward tell (short forced laugh, scratching nose, making excuses to leave etc) in a group conversation, and he sees you and just knows you know.

Its like breaking the 4th awkward wall.

[funkdoobi]

Was in Cancun staying at a resort and with these resorts, they have free buffet breakfasts. So, they have this one section where you can make your own omelet with the ingredients you want and hand it to the chef to prepare for you. I see my dad waiting in line for his omelet and whisper closely "I'm so sick of omelets". Then I proceed to twist his nipple and he turns around quickly with a WTF facial expression. It was then I realized that it wasn't my dad and I apologize, told him I had mistaken him for my dad. Chick next to dude was laughing her ass off.

i just spat pineapple juice all over my keyboard at work. fuck.

[squirtlepk]

i just spat pineapple juice all over my keyboard at work. fuck.

tryin to get that tasty jizz

it really works

[boy better know]

tryin to get that tasty jizz

it really works

how do you know it works?

did you actually tasted it?

this is superawkward anyway

[dovo]

x post from coachella thread

Wanted to see OFWGKTA last year because I heard their pits were the shit (sucked last year) but anyways skrillex was playin and at the time i didn't know who he was so me and a friend decided to go along the side of the tent while skrillex was on, wait out his set and then climb over the fences into the front for odd future. So were chillin on the side when skrillex brought korn out (that was fuckin dope) this big dudes girl wanted to see so me being tall let her go in front of me. Turns out the dude was trying to do the same thing we were. So since i let his girl ahead of me, big dude decided to make a fence hopping group. We get over pretty much everything and when its time to go to the last fence that leads into the pit i told everyone to go ahead of me so they do. Right when I'm making my way into the pit (one leg over) this fuckin fat bitch comes out of nowhere and grabs my legs. naturally, I'm all like wtf.

her: "Go around"

me: "wtf. let me go yo"

her: "no goo around"

me: "get the fuck off me"

she refused to let go so i started shaking my leg and finally got it over the fence. she was still holding onto it so i axe kicked it out of her chubby grips. but since I'm me, it wasn't over. right when i bring my leg down i wind up axe kicking this hot chicks boobs/camera she starts freaking out saying "what the hell man! My camera!" I froze but was saved by this random dude trying to hop the same fence. When the fat girl grabbed him he went "let go of me you fuckin ugly fat bitch" loud as fuck when the music stopped and everyone turned and started laughing even the chick i kicked so when she was distracted, i shook into the crowd.

there wasn't anything wrong with her camera by the way.

Edited January 13, 2012 by dovo