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superconfessional II: the sequel


SSchadenfreude

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

My girl got a shelter cat today, time to dump her.

 

i tried looking for this thing we came up years ago drinking, but its the cat acquisition velocity equation, where you plug in # of cats owned, time to acquisition and we figured out if you acquire 2+ cats within 6 months you're probably never getting laid again

 

also you should have gotten her a cat instead man "get pussy for some pussy" 

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i remember a while back, a friend of mine said I could be a bit intimidating...indirectly at that time so i didn't think much of it. He usually talks straight to me but i guess thats one of the few awkward moments we ever had in 10+ years.

i just realized how sometimes people may perceive me as confident, maybe even a tad over too much of, oh, she thinks shes all that.

but I have to build my confidence up to cover over the fact that i'm really self-conscious. I can be a strong person, when it comes to topics i'm passionate about. but, i don't take compliments well. i hate looking weak in front of others. i don't want people to pity me...and somehow i end up looking like i don't need anyone because of it, when really i just hate to be imposing or, worse, a burden.

sometimes i feel like a socially awkward person whose just a really good actress, and i'm in one of those movies where only the first one is good, but than the sequel, you're exposed. everyone knows the 2nd, 3rd, etc isn't good as the original (1st).

Edited by whitney
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  • 4 weeks later...

Over due superconfessional post.. warning, a long one!

 

tl;dr: I'm stupid, too nice, i'm really worried rn.

 

 

So i've been in a serious year-and-a-half long relationship with a girl at met at uni last year. When we first started hanging out, I knew she was a drug addict (she was trying to get clean at the time, really straighten her life out), also diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and recently, ADHD. She was awesome though, so empowered and creative. Sharp and ready for anything. After hanging out and messing around more, we started to get serious about our feelings we had for each other. I knew it would be a lot of work to be in this relationship.. she even once started crying about how she might ruin my life. But I wanted to be with her and help in anyway I could (I recently read my horoscope star chart.. turns out i'm attracted to people that need help lol gotta evaluate that), and support her. 

 

But I never thought it would turn into this.

 

What followed other than the great times we had, were just lies, more drugs, and madness. She'd relapse, i'd take care of her while she's in withdrawal. When she's stood me up, i've just dealt with it like its no problem. She's lied to me so many times about where she is, who she's with, etc. it's just been so disrespectful. But I always find a place in my heart to forgive her though, often chalking it up to the lies being a symptom of her addiction or just her anxiety overcoming her decisions. I do believe that those were true for some cases, and she really does have issues to deal with. Things got so bad last school-year she had to take a break from a couple quarters. Anyways after drama, as soon as she came back to SD at the end of summer, things went nuts. Her sister finds a drug baggie, tells her parents, gf tells me that they are pulling her out of school. The first day I get to see her out of months of not and missing her, i'm taking her to the airport to send her home. As I walked her to security, i glanced down and noticed she was texting her junkie ex bf. I demanded to know what the fuck was going on right now. She then confessed that she was being kicked out of her home, and that the ex(?) was the only person she could think of in that she could stay with (...um but what about me). I just left, went to my car and sat. This was for sure a deal breaker. The next day I find out from her sister that her parents never kicked her out of the home, she wanted to leave (which would explain why she told me she had to buy the plane ticket). I also get sent screen shots of texts from her friend, where she's telling her that she still loves the ex. I text her saying that this is done. She says okay, understands, etc.. The next day she's back in SD as she has mended things with her parents. We meet up so I can give her shit back, but maybe you guessed this next part.. she convinced me to get back together with her! I also rationalized it to how we both talked about her coming back from her break as another chance for us, and it was something I held on to. How could I be so stupid? Anyways, after that it hardly feels like a relationship. I only see her maybe once or twice a week; talk, fuck, talk, dip. Never real quality time anymore, and its always cut short with a bullshit lie of an excuse. After weeks of her lying to me about shit, I finally confronted her and said that I was fine with not having a relationship, that I didn't care if she was seeing that junkie. At this point I just wanted something real with her, something honest to where she wouldn't have to worry and lie.  I just wanted her to be real with me. She insisted that she wanted to be with only me, and that the trust issues were something we could work through- I said okay. My friends have said that she's never going to tell me the truth, and they're probably right. There's pretty clear evidence that she's been hanging with the dude, and when I call her out on it she can still just lie to me like its nothing? I'm just too nice, naïve.. I think i've put up with this for so long because I tend to see the good in people, especially loved ones, and I forget the consequences of the other side. I still love her, and believe she can succeed, etc. I still think she's the awesome person she's always been, and its really sad to think about how drugs have really screwed with her life.. but I was down because she seemed so determined to get better, where I'm willing to be with her as long as she's willing to put the work into it too; even though she knows what to do to get better, her depression and addiction leads her to poor choices (see me rationalizing). But this relationship is no longer a two-way street, and its sad that I've only started realizing this a week ago. She just needs help. Help that I can't give. This is driving me crazy, everyone can see it, and I need to start caring about myself more. 

 

However, right now I have no idea where she is. Last week I was supposed to pick her up from school, and when I got to the pick-up spot she wasn't there. I called her phone, went straight to voice mail. I just chalked it up to another episode of not following through, and sent her an angry text. I still haven't heard from her, her phone is still going to voicemail, and I only found out yesterday that her sister doesn't know where she is either. She could be with the dude, which would honestly be the better scenario. It's not the first time she's just cut off and went dark for a while, but I'm very worried because this was so sudden, and I know her depression has been very bad lately; i'm afraid she's hurt. 

Edited by tac0tron
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  • 2 weeks later...

@tac0tron.  if we could only control our feelings to be in-line with our heads. gosh darn it.

 

i ordered a necklace for my sis... it takes four weeks to arrive, which is fine because I ordered it well in advance for her bday.

 

But now that it has arrived, I want one for myself.

 

I can order another one.

 

But than... I would have to wait four weeks :/

 

I should have seen this coming and just ordered two to begin with.

 

:mellow:  :(  :(

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I found out she's at least alive from her sis, so thats good. But this just means that she's completely ignoring me.. there's a huge part of me that really needs to confront her and just dig for the truth.. but maybe this is her way of telling me. Friends have been telling me that i'm probably just another problem that she's avoiding; she feels so bad for how shitty she's treated me versus how i've done her, that she doesn't even have the guts to tell me in my face that she doesn't want to be with me.

 

Its helped me realize that this is all really just an ego thing for me.. like i think I deserve some sort of answer or something. When in reality she doesn't owe me anything. 

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you know there's a point in the far future when the cockroaches have taken over and nuclear holocaust reigns, and all superfuture will be will be quidich posting old harvested photos of long-dead corny white girls. 

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Over due superconfessional post.. warning, a long one!

 

tl;dr: I'm stupid, too nice, i'm really worried rn.

 

 

So i've been in a serious year-and-a-half long relationship with a girl at met at uni last year. When we first started hanging out, I knew she was a drug addict (she was trying to get clean at the time, really straighten her life out), also diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and recently, ADHD. She was awesome though, so empowered and creative. Sharp and ready for anything. After hanging out and messing around more, we started to get serious about our feelings we had for each other. I knew it would be a lot of work to be in this relationship.. she even once started crying about how she might ruin my life. But I wanted to be with her and help in anyway I could (I recently read my horoscope star chart.. turns out i'm attracted to people that need help lol gotta evaluate that), and support her. 

 

tac0 you a good dude but damn you straight promoted yourself to general saveaho 

hope everything works out for you bro 

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Some of my other hobbies have taken precedence so I don't fashion shop any more and kind of felt guilty my style had gone by the wayside... until I took a look at the Denim WAYWT and realized the bar was set low low low.

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  • 2 months later...

i am working with someone who is hooked on heroin

no one else knows and it is affecting a lot of people (and their paychecks)

trying to decide whether it is up to me to intervene or just let him throw his life away

he's a very pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps type and his pride comes into play here

but i was working this same job when i got a call about a close friend who OD-ed and died

i know how this ends - i mean, i do have friends who have made it to the other side (one severely incapacitated, but some no worse for wear) - but still... 

 

my boss would be understanding but if i told him, i'm sure my co-worker would feel betrayed by me

i have two conflicting values here, loyalty and this save-the-world impulse i have

very much do not know what to do here

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handle at the lowest level, intervene by yourself, if that doesn't work then get peers to help you intervene (some other person must care a little about said co-worker) if that doesnt work then you have to go higher. At some point if he is unwilling to help himself, unwilling to accept help from you, and unwilling to accept help from a group of people, then there isn't much of an option but to make it a bigger deal. He will probably be upset with you if it makes it all the way to the boss, but after he straightens out he will likely be thankful. it just matters if you see it through and actually care about well being. if you bring it up with higher and you never supported said dude, then that would be tough for him to see you in a good light as someone who actually cares.

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