superconfessional

[ohsnap]

just watched the bill cunningham documentary.

bill breaking down at the end made me tear up.

[MJR]

I got a really weird vibe about Bill after watching that doc. It almost seemed like he was hiding something really important about his personal life... and I'm not alluding to the notion that he may or may not be gay, that's irrelevant to what I'm getting at. It's just odd to think that the guy has never had a truly meaningful relationship in his life.

[bruised]

i work with this nurse and noticed that she acts strange. i've been keeping my eye on her for about 2 weeks, and i'm 99.9999% sure she is stealing IV narcotic drugs. i'm talking fentanyl and dilaudid. she will take it upon her self to pull drugs for procedures she's involved in well before hand as well as pulling drugs for other nurses and keep them in her pockets. she will often go to the bath room after pulling drugs. she always has a water bottle with her and always exclaims that she has to pee so much. she always has extra syringes laying around with normal saline. she comes back from bath room breaks wearing jackets which i think she does to hide track marks. basically what she does is give people plain saline or diluted drugs and keeps the real stuff for herself. she likes that she is known as a nurse who heavily sedates people. she uses that as an excuse to pull extra drugs (she will really give the patient a "normal" amount but steals the extra for herself). normally all left over drugs are to be recorded and wasted, but i'm sure she just takes the extra for herself and wastes' the same amount in normal saline for the witness.

highly unethical, if not unsafe. here's the thing: i don't feel like the one to tell on her or even submit an anonymous tip..... just yet at least. i kinda wanna see shit come crashing down on her because she's sloppy.

the kind of procedures she's involved in requires very little drugs and it looks like she just compensates the drugs she steals by pulling extra and giving patients the normal dose but recording that the patient receives extra. patient safety isn't really being affected, primarily at least. she is working under the influence which can cause her to make some fatal mistakes perhaps.

its possible i'm not telling on her because i think if i were in the same position and desperate enough id prob do the same thing, but i wouldn't get caught or be as sloppy. plus id rather just buy H i think.

this nurse has a daughter that was addicted to crack at one point and prostituted her self. a conspiracy theory i have is that she takes the drugs back home and they do it with each other. its her way of keeping her daughter at home and off the streets hookin. i guess this daughter was missing for like 3 years at one point.

this is kinda heavy shit for me

[bruised]

I got a really weird vibe about Bill after watching that doc. It almost seemed like he was hiding something really important about his personal life... and I'm not alluding to the notion that he may or may not be gay, that's irrelevant to what I'm getting at. It's just odd to think that the guy has never had a truly meaningful relationship in his life.

i feel like he was just an fashion otaku. kinda like how anime nerds might know a lot about military specs and guns but with out really being directly able to handle or work with them. not saying he didn't put in his time doing his shit, but somehow got lucky by being relevant some how.

[syed]

Three months ago I had to stay in hospital for a few nights and I heard one of the nurses whispering to another about how high the pot was on betting who the next patient to die would be. Wasn't sure if she was joking or not, but my bed was closest to the nurses' station and I was one of the only people awake - she saw me, look startled, then hurried off. I wrote to the hospital after I got out, but I'm not sure if anything actually happened.

The nurses were also really mean to elderly patients, and basically treated them like crap. There was one old man who was clearly confused, and they were laughing at him and telling him to get back in bed. Thankfully I could speak his language, so I tried to get him to calm down. It's the same hospital where a nurse was recently arrested for stealing house keys from elderly patients and robbing their houses whilst they were in hospital. Makes me shit scared whenever my grandmother is admitted there.

[Desi]

here's the thing: i don't feel like the one to tell on her or even submit an anonymous tip..... just yet at least. i kinda wanna see shit come crashing down on her because she's sloppy.

the kind of procedures she's involved in requires very little drugs and it looks like she just compensates the drugs she steals by pulling extra and giving patients the normal dose but recording that the patient receives extra. patient safety isn't really being affected, primarily at least. she is working under the influence which can cause her to make some fatal mistakes perhaps.

its possible i'm not telling on her because i think if i were in the same position and desperate enough id prob do the same thing, but i wouldn't get caught or be as sloppy. plus id rather just buy H i think.

snitch bro. Too many people have been getting in the field who potentially pose serious threats to the patients and others.

[sistersuzie]

agreed with that...

it's sorta hard to talk about it sometimes cause you don't feel that you're helping or whatever or you think it might be lame, but it's really not the case. would you rather be responsible for an accident with a patient? cause if you know what's going on and you don't tell, you're sorta responsible about that stuff.

until a few weeks ago i was living with my brother whom i had taken under my roof cause apparently he had problems with his roommates.

but since the summer i had seen him going from weeed and beer to opiates. sniffing morphine on the reg. and then going to crack.. and that's when it all went down. i've seen him lose weight and do so many fucked up things. doing crack everyday being so fucked up all the time. trynna beat me up, stole my shit.

i kept it silent for so long cause i thought i'd be able to help him stop that shit without involving too many people.. especially not my parents. but it came to the point where i was really scared for my life and his.

even had to call the cops to my place cause he was trynna beat me up and i didn't wanna get violent with my little brother... my poor little brother.

it was making me so sad to think about this whole situation, felt terrible for him, didn't want people to know

one night two big black dudes tried to bust in my place in the middle of the night because of him, situation was handled but i had an anxiety attack after that.

that's when i decided i couldn't deal with that shit anymore... i talked about it, to my parents and stuff. even had to kick him out my place. that was not even a month before xmas... he doesn't talk to me anymore, say im a slut and i have no heart. that i don't love him. but if he knew, if he could understand how much i love him. how much it broke me inside to see him destroying himself like that.

i saw him coming home at 3am fucking all ym shit up to find money, walking outside in slippers in the middle of the winter

i don't even care about my camera and all the money. it's just him, my little brother i love so much. i remember him playing in the sand, waving his hand at me, smiling. you know that beautiful innocent smile?

worst holidays this year.

but i know i made the right decision, hiding, lying, keeping secrets are no help for that person. sometimes, its sad, but they have to go down a bit to understand, and go back up...

Edited January 5, 2012 by sistersuzie

[mrchariybrown]

That's extremely fucked up, M. Just hearing that makes me want to uppercut your brother.

Hope it's a better year for you.

Edited January 5, 2012 by mrchariybrown

[sistersuzie]

don't worry c., i'm a strong woman. one of our comon friend wanted to punch him thinking itd put him back in his place, but it didn't work. i guess stronger dudes threaten to broke his legs already...

seriously i'm more sad for him than anything, you know? i know he's not in his right mind. i hope he gets out of it. for him, for my parents who gave him everything. hes falling down fast enough on his own

[sistersuzie]

but i guess my point is, hailxenu to not keep that a secret, especially if theres other people life involved in there...

[bruised]

fuck i think you just kinda put it into perspective. i will do the right thing.

[albinolove]

Bittersweet sufu story endings. Stay up everybody

[boy better know]

hailxenu

snitch, i work in a meat packing plant and i see dus show up high and drunk every morning and they keep smoking and drinking on breaks

i got my first aid certification so i'm the one in charge of helping those morons when they injure themselves and last week one of them actually slit his hand open and it was obvious he was high as shit

i don't care if they do drugs of drink simply cause that's their own business but i don't want them near of any 7'' blade knife or whatever heavy machinery we got at work because not only you could injure yourself or you could also injure the ones around you

[sistersuzie]

For some weird reason I have a hard time trusting girls that smoke marijuana or do drugs. 3/10 of the times they are cool and the other times they just straight up grimey I still kick it with them though.

I kinda get this. I used to feel the same way, even though I used a bunch of diff shit. It just hit me weird when girls would smoke or whatever, mainly when I was younger. Not sure why, I have no reason for it. I think maybe it was how the girls I knew presented themselves when they smoked or were high, it just came off as unappealing. Mindset is totally different now though. Current GF smokes occasionally, but she's super cool about it. I smoke sometimes, and weed culture is still incredibly fucking annoying to me. I'm really glad she doesn't wear hemp necklaces and have a piece shaped like a dragon with a mushroom growing out of its eye or whatever. I guess she's just a lady about it, and I appreciate that (as dumb as that sounds).

hey, cheers

Edited January 7, 2012 by sistersuzie

[boy better know]

i always fall for the most fucked up but sweetest girls

wish i could just be emotionally unavailable when it comes to certified heartbreaking girls like that

but i guess it's my nature unfortunately (or fortunately)

Edited January 7, 2012 by boy better know

[jl.1212]

I am almost certain that I have depersonalization disorder which is really fucking with my life right now. I feel unbelievably distant from all my actions and thoughts. It's like I'll do something one moment and an instant later it'll seem odd that it was me who did that. Recurring bouts of depression aren't really helping either. I want to see a psychiatrist, but I'd have to tell my parents and I don't feel like I can tell them anything.

In other news, I'm in love with my former best friend. We know that we've had feelings for each other in the past but for some reason it never worked out. She's been dating someone for a while now and recently she had been telling me that she's unsure about their relationship. I didn't want to encourage her to break up with him or tell her about my feelings because I'm obviously biased and I don't want to fuck with her life like that when it looks like she wants the relationship to work out. Now it seems like they're getting along okay again and it's killing me.

Edited January 7, 2012 by jl.1212

[Spaghettini]

why is it all bummy people in my life ask for shit at the same time?

[gettoasty]

how to get pussy? fuck it's hard not being in school. playing field is different

i want to kill myself

[boy better know]

how to get pussy? fuck it's hard not being in school. playing field is different

i want to kill myself

picking up beezies in bars is easier than on campus because most girls are at bars for that specific reason or at least ''to meet'' guys

so show up to any bar with a homie or 2 and be talkative and confident then go shoot the shit with girls

if you're a shy du go talk to uglier chicks just to get warmed up then go for the hot chicks

but for fuck's sake don't be that quiet du posted up on the wall or talking to the barmaid all night

Edited January 8, 2012 by boy better know

[baizilla]

i have three models sleeping on my bed right now.. and i'm about to take a picture of them. nothing sexual, they just needed a place to sleep after a party.

[DJ_Flame]

Pics or i don't believe it.

[Denpatou]

kinda bummed that my buddy got to fuck a mutual friend before me... she kissed me a few nights before but it's like as soon as i learn someone is attainable i start realizing all of the things i hate about them and psych myself out. he said she was a lame fuck tho so i'm thinkin i dodged a bullet there. on a slightly amusing but disgusting note, the three of us recently had an awkward conversation about when eiffel towering is acceptable--kinda wish i could erase the thought from my head now :C

[pieiskewl]

i wish i could not exist do so many things over fuck what am i doing

i want to cry

just wish things werent so fucking complicated i wish the guild system still existed so i could just do that and not have to think about so much shit and figure it all out

i really need to do less vicarious shit

i wish i could get paid to smoke weed

Edited January 8, 2012 by pieiskewl

[AstroWolf]

Sorry about your brother SS, i got along better with him than i did you... he was a good dude... hope shit works out.

Edited January 8, 2012 by AstroWolf

[ROYALEFATALE]

people frequently send me youtube videos. i never watch them, but fake it like i did when they ask me about them

do this all the time, just time lol or something

[baizilla]

i'm fucking scared of myself right know. i'm 24 and i'm already thinking about settling down, working a 9-17 job, having kids and live a fairly uneventful life. i think i'm getting tired of the whole process of picking up a girl, dating her a few times, just to find out she is not for you.

[Desi]

I start a new job today at a retirement community. I'm scared.

[OkayOkay]

i'm fucking scared of myself right know. i'm 24 and i'm already thinking about settling down, working a 9-17 job, having kids and live a fairly uneventful life. i think i'm getting tired of the whole process of picking up a girl, dating her a few times, just to find out she is not for you.

Don't be scared of it, it's nothing to be scared of. There's this fantasy that we're fed through pop culture that we're all gonna go out to amazing bars and pick up knockouts every night and wear impeccable suits and all that, and I know for some, a version of that is reality, but for most everyone that fantasy usually manifests into playing xbox alone on a Saturday night 9/10 times, even for said "cool guys". It's really not all Ryan Gosling / Crazy, Stupid, Love in the real world, and it's admirable to look at things like finding a partner and raising a family as a positive goal and something to look forward to. I've been on both sides of the fence, and while there are definitely times that being single and randomly hooking up can be fun (really fun), what I really want to do is eat a bowl of cereal with my sons while we watch Adventure Time and travel and laugh and have a great time with a committed partner. You're not being domesticated or being a pussy by wanting stability and a family, you're just a step ahead of the people that don't recognize quite yet that they really do want it. The only reason I know that is because I've put my time in and see the whole picture.

All that being said, don't jump into something too fast, or make marriage/kids a goal when you're meeting people. I'd almost be down with people not being able to legally wed until they're in their late 20's or 30. I had absolutely no idea who I was un until 5 or so years ago, and I made a huge mistake of thinking the person I was with was the right fit for me, mainly because she was there and available. You have your whole life to get married, but realistically only a short period of time to connect with new people before the real world starts consuming you (which it does). On a positive note, if time feels like it's running out...we (men) just seem to get more desirable as we age. If I took 23 year old me and 31 year old me and put them side by side, the older version would pull girls all day over the younger one. You have a ton to look forward to.

[e0d9n0b5]

Don't be scared of it, it's nothing to be scared of. There's this fantasy that we're fed through pop culture that we're all gonna go out to amazing bars and pick up knockouts every night and wear impeccable suits and all that, and I know for some, a version of that is reality, but for most everyone that fantasy usually manifests into playing xbox alone on a Saturday night 9/10 times, even for said "cool guys". It's really not all Ryan Gosling / Crazy, Stupid, Love in the real world, and it's admirable to look at things like finding a partner and raising a family as a positive goal and something to look forward to. I've been on both sides of the fence, and while there are definitely times that being single and randomly hooking up can be fun (really fun), what I really want to do is eat a bowl of cereal with my sons while we watch Adventure Time and travel and laugh and have a great time with a committed partner. You're not being domesticated or being a pussy by wanting stability and a family, you're just a step ahead of the people that don't recognize quite yet that they really do want it. The only reason I know that is because I've put my time in and see the whole picture.

All that being said, don't jump into something too fast, or make marriage/kids a goal when you're meeting people. I'd almost be down with people not being able to legally wed until they're in their late 20's or 30. I had absolutely no idea who I was un until 5 or so years ago, and I made a huge mistake of thinking the person I was with was the right fit for me, mainly because she was there and available. You have your whole life to get married, but realistically only a short period of time to connect with new people before the real world starts consuming you (which it does). On a positive note, if time feels like it's running out...we (men) just seem to get more desirable as we age. If I took 23 year old me and 31 year old me and put them side by side, the older version would pull girls all day over the younger one. You have a ton to look forward to.

well said. 23 y.o me thanks you on behalf of 31 y.o. future me.

[julzkind]

^^

very well said!

ive been married for almost 3 years and i feel like i dont know my husband (actually he doesnt know me)...i was in my bathroom last night, candles and incense lit, smoking to the god of bud and he asks me to stop smoking. i dont know about anyone else, but i get super defensive about smoking. when we first met i told him i smoke all the time and granted i havent so much the past 2 years, but since getting this good shit im def doing it way more often.

i guess im just pissed that he doesnt understand and accept the fact that id rather smoke than drink and not make me feel like a complete asshole when i do smoke. =/ i want reassurance, not judgement.