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went on a date today. the guy was super funny and we got along, but i was not attracted to him at all and felt no sexual chemistry. right after, i manned the fuck up and told him straight up that he's chill as fuck but i didnt feel anything, but we got along so well that if hes up to chill and be friends, so am i. he was cool about it, obviously bummed because he was 'super into' me, but very reasonable. i hope i did the right thing in being honest. rejecting people feels terrible, too.

gonna go watch hausu alone at the village IFC tonight. need to make more friends in ny, cant just hangout with my roommates forever

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forreal, im going through the same shit with a girl right now and i wish she would just be straight up with me. we've hooked up, she flirts with me constantly, but its well known that she is jockin on somebody else right now. i have no problem moving on, but it makes it harder when she throws out these misleading signals.

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but we didnt hook up or do anything at all, and i straight up said i wasn't interested but we legit get along super well and should continue chillin. is that still 'leading him on'?

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forreal, im going through the same shit with a girl right now and i wish she would just be straight up with me. we've hooked up, she flirts with me constantly, but its well known that she is jockin on somebody else right now. i have no problem moving on, but it makes it harder when she throws out these misleading signals.

ignore her and find a new girl

easy game

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on another note, finally used okcupid 'seriously' for a week, and it's depressing as fuck

where do i make friends outside of the friends i already have

wtf are you doing looking for friends on a dating website

stop that

Edited by jayrock
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Lately I've been battling the ups and downs of my emotions, rehashing this sickness I've been trying to bury. This depression, this disease, this darkness and feeling of loneliness, sadness, hatred, spite, anger, and other notions of which I can't seem to put to words. I don't know how to proceed forward, how to make things go right not wrong, how to earnestly choose which decisions to make that teeter on the cross roads of this story. I feel so alone, that everyone has somewhere to go. I'm loosing my mind slowly to madness and irrationality. Why are we put on this earth to suffer so much? I find myself questioning the overall meaning of being for anything. The universe so vast, our world so small, my world so insignificant. What does it matter. Why does it matter. Is it supposed to matter? I've heard it all before, you cannot have the happiness without the sadness, it is always darkest before the dawn, the sun will always rise but yet I cannot understand why it is that when the sun has risen that I find myself seeing the darkness around the corner. Forever from within and never out of sight. This mentality that I cannot rid. Why was I born?

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Real talk man you just summarized how I feel about everything. At this point I just look at it this way- I live for the sadness, suffering, sorrow, lonliness for these feelings are those of man, and without them I am not a human being. once i expire i will be a product of the universe, returning back to where i came from without any feelings, good or bad. Sure sometimes its overwhelmingly bad and it gets better, only to become shit again, but sometimes it's the pain that really kicks me in the ass and reminds me that I'm alive.

Edited by Fycus
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i eventually just think about the odds of being alive... about all that has happened before that allowed us to be born, random chance encounters, accidents, all that our ancestors survived, each generation more important than the one before because its even less probable.

gotta spread the seed

Edited by ifeelasleep
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I forgot SUFU existed, and have come back in creep mode, nice to see some of ya still at it...

Is it just me or the site seems slower than it used to be?

Steez mack not understanding of the web question concept.

Edited by AstroWolf
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i'm really enjoying the conversations being brought up.

wesc, fycus, I'm also undergoing some self-thought and self-evaluation of myself recently; and I feel as though my thoughts are similar to the points you guys brought up. despite all the negative that continues to go on, i still hope that you all are doing well or will do well in the future.

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Battling this revelation since elementary school has been extremely difficult. Trying to loose sight of what was once thought and theorized. Trying to forget the overall idea that we could be anything right now, pieces of bacteria gathered in a corner of a room called the universe. Easily cleaned by what they state is the higher being. Would it ever had mattered in the first place? Have we moved anything in that vast space? Have we changed anything? Have I changed anything? Would it have been any different without me? Sure, but the world will still go on.

I try to find enjoyment in the simple things in life, try to find the happiness day by day but the overall painting remains clear. Sitting under that big tree on the grass away from the rest of the class, kick ball it was for the boys and hop scotch for the girls. Listening to the wind whistle through my ears and striking the very chord of this dark understanding that I wish I had never heard. STOP THINKING, For it will only do me worse.

I have been aiming for one goal at a time, to keep the string going. However the goals are lacking meaning. I got off the pills because I did not want to be dependent upon them but every now and then I think what could have been if I kept taking them. I wanted to be stronger and say I can stand without but! It was them that kept the evil from within. I have to fight my own battles now. I have to fight this to win, but to win for what? They same ending to the this.... the very same in the end that we all face.

Ignorance is my suffering.

I am sorry for the babbling sufu, trying to find a venue to vent my frustrations. I have told my friend this revelation once before and he began to fail his classes until he began to attend more of the sunday service and stuck to the scripture. He has since forgotten what we had spoken of. However I cannot take the one vague answer as an answer since I believe that there isn't an answer. Why cant I ? This sickness I bear and I see that I am not the only one. I'm am sorry sufu if you have read any of my thoughts. I should not have burdened you.

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I don't post very often (at all) but since we're on the real talk thing here are some thoughts that have been on my mind lately...

I'm thinking about free will a lot and have come to the conclusion that it doesn't really exist (a lot of psychologists and scientists agree to this). A human's actions are just the result of physics and chemistry. If you put the exact same human in the exact same situation 1000 times he would obviously do the exact same actions 1000 times.

So what does this mean? What matters then? Anger is an empty and pointless feeling if people aren't really responsible of their actions. Does only happiness matter? Should I just try to make everyone (including me) as happy as possible?

Edited by dona3000
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If you knew the exact position, velocity, and acceleration of every molecule in the universe you could predict the future indefinitely. forget which philosopher said that, but its pretty fucked up to think about. also, i'm pretty sure the universe is just a figment of my imagination. y'all aint real. fuckers.

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I think about this a lot too littlemike (predictability). Quantum physics actually aren't predictable yet but who knows, they might be in the future.

Predictability is a great argument in favor of the absence of free will but some people say "quantum physics!!111" to counter it. Even then, the human isn't the one controlling quantum physics happening in his body. He is still not free.

And I can ensure you I'm real. But are you?

Edited by dona3000
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on another note, finally used okcupid 'seriously' for a week, and it's depressing as fuck

where do i make friends outside of the friends i already have

go to those random mass sent event invites? Been doing that lately.
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wtf are you doing looking for friends on a dating website

stop that

Looooooool DEAD. Hahahahaa.

Lots of self discovery posts going on. I can def appreciate. Always hated being by myself, kinda dreaded it actually...but just lately figured out how to just hang and not feel lonely or like I'm missing out or whatever. Really feel like I've settled into my own, dropped the pressure I think I put on myself, and am so much happier. People want to be around positivity, and even finding new friends is kinda like dating...you just have to put it out there and see how it works. I'll def admit making "new" friends as an adult is different, but just branch out from who you already know. Some of the coolest people I've met are friends of friends, and it's nice expanding that circle a bit.

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im on drugs.

no... not the good kind.

i started taking zoloft about a month ago. i realized that i had been depressed for years... i mean, i knew it, but it wasnt that bad sometimes. sometimes it was fucking horrible... but most of the time it was so unnoticable that none of my friends would ever say anything. my wife even didnt realize it, and ive known her for 13 years. but it was there, always in the back of my mind... i just felt beat down... i kinda floated along with life, living day to day, getting high and drunk and skateboarding... i always fet like i could do more, but when an opportunity presented itself i would never take it. stress made it worse, and after losing my job in may, i went downhill. it got to the point where i had no energy to do anything... even fuck. i realized i needed something when i was fighting with my wife for no reason and just started crying and unable to take anymore.

so, i called the doctor... went in and was prescribed zoloft. i was skeptical, but have been taking it as prescribed and i actually feel great.

the first week was fucking great too... it was like the tail end of a mushroom trip where there are no more visuals but you feel amazing and your head feels light. couldnt sleep worth a fuck tho.

now, almost a month into it im getting side effects at all... or bad ones anyways. i actually was able to motivate myself and get back into school. should be starting at the end of this month.

now... i dont recommend drugs to anyone... especially pharmaceuticals... but this has worked for me. only downside is i can no longer trip the same... it takes 2 times the mushrooms to get lesser, but still enjoyable effects.

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I think about this a lot too littlemike (predictability). Quantum physics actually aren't predictable yet but who knows, they might be in the future.

Predictability is a great argument in favor of the absence of free will but some people say "quantum physics!!111" to counter it. Even then, the human isn't the one controlling quantum physics happening in his body. He is still not free.

And I can ensure you I'm real. But are you?

you need a good high dose mushroom trip... it will answer that for you

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