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got shitty drunk last weekend (fri sat & sun) at my friend's bday, she seemed real pissed/disappointed at me. Especially after she saw me makin out wit some random girl at the bar saturday night. But i had told her in the past that i needed more time to be single and i didnt want to fuck shit up gettin into a relationship all quick & she seemed cool with it plus i thought she was hookin up with one of her friends friday night but i guess she didnt. I really like her too. She didnt even talk to me saturday night and all day sunday she ignored me when we were hangin out with her n her friends at the strip club. I asked her if she was okay, and she said "yeah". She drove me a long drive to pick up my car sunday night & we really didnt say much in the car. She has not texted me since & when i text her all week its one word answers. I've felt all sad and shit for what i did all week cuz i really like this girl but my partying got the best of me.

I haven't drank since sunday nor have any desire to, i cant sleep at night and my appetite is shit, i haven't eat much all week, i've been to the gym to work out 2 to 3 times a day pullin hour &1/2 sessions everyday this week since monday just to get my mind thinkin differently. I really miss hangin out & being with her & want to talk to her bout it but i think she might be over it all. Now its friday night & im heading to the gym right now again.

i know feelin down sucks but i also know i'll pull through :)

and cue your conscience. She's not over it. You don't just turn things off like that (even when you want to). Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a third person in a situation to realize what you really wanted in the first place.

Give it a second. "You don't want to fuck shit up....blah blah blah" well you kind of did, now deal.

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scrambling through the scrub towards the light

i hear the voices above i don't know if they are friendly

this feels like life and death

through snatches of consciousness

no details of preceding events

the branches break footing unsure

using my face to lead

i struggle to safety

i have marks left to remind me

take more care

flirting with deadly combination

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yesterday i saw a girl with beat to shit rick owens sneajers and i said "she is wearing rick owens sneakers" and my friend replied "she can hear you."

"she's too tall for you anyways"

and then we changed direction so we weren't walking behind her anymore

hah ahahaha. see that's why i stopped giving a shit about high fashion.

in the words of herpsky 'you never gonna pull girls with dick ovens'

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yesterday i saw a girl with beat to shit rick owens sneajers and i said "she is wearing rick owens sneakers" and my friend replied "she can hear you."

"she's too tall for you anyways"

and then we changed direction so we weren't walking behind her anymore

dude you shoulda tapped that shit,

tapped that shit all over victoria.

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she wasnt so high fashion - flannel and military jacket or something like that...

but

flannel – wings + horns, $300

military jacket – prada – $1.5k

lick onions sneakers – $1k

from what i've seen of waywt, you can spend $2k+ and look like a hobo mountaineer on here (VISVM)

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i am so suggestible

that when people say something about how i am

it feels like a casting

a spell or a role

for a time is cast

i can't help but play along

play it to the hilt

i really don't like to disappoint

until the next audition

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flannel – wings + horns, $300

military jacket – prada – $1.5k

lick onions sneakers – $1k

from what i've seen of waywt, you can spend $2k+ and look like a hobo mountaineer on here (VISVM)

so true, this reminds me of my visit to NYC in '06. I was sittin on a bench in madison square park waiting for my gf at the time to get out of a doctors appointment and i noticed a homeless old lady sitting on the bench next to me by herself writing in a journal, at first i felt sorry for her but then noticed the number (n)ine kurt cobain style sunglasses she was wearing. I looked at her a little closer and even walked by her and noticed she was dressed in number (n)ine attire head to fucking toe, all black everything. I was shocked and awestruck. I should have took a fucking picture of her or asked her what her name was. later that day we went to the (n)ine store in the meat packing district and in the womens section i saw all her expensive pieces she had on, i was like wtf?

i came to the conclusion she must have been a famous writer or something.

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Don't know if this would be a confession or random thought, but it weirded me out and I want to share. Last night I dreamed of having awkward sex with Julianne Moore. She's wanting it, but what ever I try, it ain't working. She's always been one of my favorite redheads, but can't remember the last time I even thought of her so it's kinda random that she popped up in this dream. So anyways, I wake up this morning with my poor performance on my mind. About ten minutes ago I pick up the mail, and there's a piece of junk mail in there advertising a woman's clothing store. Who's the model on the front? Julianne Moore. You gotta be fucking kidding me....

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^something similar happened to me one time,

where I dreamt about some old friend that i havent seen/talked to in years. it was a really vivid dream too. and the next morning, there was an email from her in my inbox. really weird.

so weird when this happens, like some ESP dreams that come true the next day

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