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my face is swelling from some infection. i went to the doc today and got some meds. after eating the meds, the swelling seems to be getting worse. i'm fuckin worried. the swelling was on my cheek and now its all around my eyes. fuck. wtf. i look like a fat kid who got punched real bad.

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IT'S MY BIRTHDAY & i only told a few people. feels nice.

Eventually you will tell nobody and it'll start to feel worse.

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tomorrow i'm telling him how i feel.

the other night, it took us almost an hour to leave each other for the "weekend" and all my days off i've thought of him.

the ways his fingers sometimes caress my shoulder, how long our hands stay in each other's when we share something

the look i see in his eyes, and i feel in mine...

feels so good next to him

i need to tell him.

i just want to be closer, and closer.

i've dreamed of kissing him for so long now

and i'm not even sure he has a gf

i'll ask him.

i want to make him breakfast and moon dust

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i will. he shoiuld drive me home tomorrow night. that will be good timing.

i have sorta decided to stop heavy drinking. fall/ winter was rough... it was better with just the weekend now. but my body and brains, well. i decided to be better to myself. limit to a drink, tops.

but depending how it turns, i feel i might just ..

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A friend of mine just broke up with his gf that he lived with for a couple months. He posted a lengthy blog about his breakup and some personal growth/life lessons learned type bullshit and I'm just laughing in his tears. I'll buy him a beer tonight or something but what a dumbass.

link. people's misery, online, is always kind of jokes

last night an australian man tried to take me to some hookers. i ran away

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i will be one of your bridesmaids

you can knit our dresses

we will worship Dionysus and the Mousai

ouiiiiii!!!!

we will also proceed to the slaughtering of lambs and (young) virgins.

we might drink blood (mixed with them tears, and the melody of their screams in the background)

you're still in?

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my brother broke up with his gf for the 8th time this morning (0)

he just left to go over her place

this du needs some fucking common sense

Fuck. I was in one of those sucks. My ex used to break up with me every time I wouldn't budge in an argument or for any other stupid shit she could think of and actually the 8th time she did I just said fuck it and bounced.

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This sucks, one of my best friends is switching schools this monday cause her best friend is in that school... But leaving ALL her other friends. Not only that, but she is leaving a really good school to go to a fucking public school (no hate, I am just pissed).

Edit: It isn't that I don't like public school, it is that my friend is leaving to go to a school... not known for anything good, while my school is a college prep school. Plus, she has more friends at this school versus a public school.

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i appeared on france's most watched tv news today walking out of a bar... i can't remember the camera but i don't look so wasted. anyway, still figuring what to do with my new fame, i think i'm going to open some school in darfur or something.

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My childhood best friend got caught up in some shit. I wonder if I had still been friends with him, would he have turned out differently?

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/feb/24/mira-mesa-man-arrested-after-school-gun-incident/

that sucks man.

but he was a 19 year old dating a 15 year old – odds are you probably wouldn't budge his mind. :( feel better.

in other news, my best friend who is a rockstar programmer on the rise to higher management in his company is turning into a borderline alcoholic.

I'm worried about him, but luckily, I think he's dead set on moving to Portland and moving out of his current circumstances, so all power to him. :o Also his current girlfriend is pretty cool and definitely a change from the girls he's dated in the past so I think that's a ++ in his book.

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Childhood friends are always on stupid shit.

I've been texting one of my best friends from HS recently and shit never changes with these people unless it's for the worst. Dudes been dealing since highschool. Partied all through college. At least they finished, but shit, what's the point if all you do is go back to dealing and throwing house parties. Smashing 17 year olds and getting them knocked up. Abortions aplenty. At least one of them became an addict and got busted on some large amounts of pills and shrooms. All that's ever important to these people is money, drugs, and bitches. That's all dope on paper, but when it comes down to it, you're a fucking loser.

Highschool friends are great if they can run with you, but if they're stuck being some trash townie, move on. That's only fun when you're young, wild, and can't go anywhere.

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he was looking for me when i ran into him this morning.

we shared a coffee and a cigarette later.

he got his new house with his actual girlfriend...

i told him we could still share a drink, watch a movie, nothing obscene.

he drove me back home tonight. he told me he would come see me after work on sunday and he'd have a bit more time.

he was more a tease than ever tonight.

before leaving told me: i don't kiss you but it's not cause my heart isn't there...

i want him more than ever.

i can't have sex with him, it would kill me.

it's hard to know what to think

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