Miscellaneous Musings (Limited Edition)

[frasier oiseau]

Honestly, is Care-Tags the internet's biggest autism support group?

I don't know how any browses it for more than 5 minutes at a time, it's so shit

[rafsemens]

hey! care-tags is a lovely place of refuge/extremely mediocre hugbox for people who got bullied too much on other internet fashun forums =] 

[CASSAVA PIECE]

you guys done sucking eachother's dicks yet

[rafsemens]

no can u give us a lil privacy please 

[frasier oiseau]

you guys done sucking eachother's dicks yet

 

I don't have to take this, I'm going to care-tags where everyone is nice and I don't have to put up with this kind of harassment!

[Schoon]

So far my internship has been even better than I hoped. I thought they would just stick me with introductory CAD work and printing/copying, but they're teaching me to design building structures from scratch by giving me a real house to work on and helping me along the way. Plus the founder is really laid back and sits 5 ft away from me. Makes me really glad I didn't get the job at the huge architectural firm.

[skeetinmynose]

 

this is a gated community

[untrue]

 

 

this is a gated community

 

 

 

lmao are you part of the cartel facebook group?

Edited September 29, 2014 by untrue

[_ironman]

squirrels always use the back fences like a highway

 

today a squirrel left these:

 

[Nebulae]

http://www.grailed.com/listings/25411-acne-wmns-long-bomber-parka

"Selling because my ex wife is a dumb cheating filthy skank and doesnt deserve all the clothes i used to buy for her. Price includes worldwide shipping with a tracking. Wanna sell asap,so shoot me offers.

"

[Hsin8]

fuck ups

[Kaf]

knew more about civilian clothes policy than the 8 troop leading procedures at my soldier of the quarter board this morning. imagine that.

[frasier oiseau]

The world’s best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn’t notice, the orchestra didn’t notice either, but he knew he’d made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said “Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class conductor. I’m now announcing my retirement.†

After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage, only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized bodyguards. “Oh no you don’tâ€, his manager said, “you’re not retiring.†

Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said “Dear, would you be able to get me a small hand-gun?†“Yes dearâ€, she said, and he rolled over and went to sleep. 

Sure enough, at his next performance, the conductor began with the small hand-gun concealed in the his jacket. Once the concert had finished, he turned to the audience and said “I’m announcing my retirement for the second time. This is my last performance.†The tuba player stood up and shouted “You can’t be serious!â€, and the conductor whipped out his hand-gun and shot the tuba player dead. It wasn’t long before the police arrived and the conductor was taken away. 

Days later, the conductor was taken to court. “How do you plead to the charge of first-degree murder?â€, the judge inquired. “Guilty your honorâ€, the conductor replied. “Do you realize that the sentence for first degree murder in this state is death by electrocution?â€, the judge added. The conductor thought for a moment, but came to the conclusion that death would surely be better than continuing on like he was. “Yes your honorâ€, the conductor said. While being strapped into the electric chair, one of the guards came to the conductor and said “You may have one last request before we terminate your life. What would you like?†After pondering for a few seconds, the conductor replied “A silver platter with a dozen bananas.†His request was granted, and the conductor scarfed the bananas. The room was emptied, and the switch was flicked. The conductor’s hair stood on end, but he survived! As one guard was about to the flick the switch again, he was stopped. “He survived the chair and the law says we have to let him go.â€

The conductor left the building, only to be greeted by his manager and the two gorilla-sized bodyguards. “Back to workâ€, his manager said. More weeks of forced conducting went by. Lying in bed again one night with wife, he asked “Dear, could you get me a grenade?†“Yes dearâ€, she replied. At his next performance, the conductor waited until the end of the concert, the grenade tucked neatly in his undies. “For the third time, I’m announcing my retirement!â€, he yelled. The conductor took out the grenade, pulled the pin, and threw it into the audience. The grenade exploded, killing 23 members of the crowd. The police arrived, and he was taken away again. 

"You again?", the judge asked, "I thought I’d sentenced you to death not long ago?" The conductor shrugged. "OK, how do you plead to 23 counts of first degree murder?", the judge said. "Guilty to all counts", the conductor replied. While the settings were changed to triple the voltage of the current going to the chair, the conductor was granted another last request. "A silver platter with 2 dozen bananas" was his answer. He scarfed the bananas the room was evacuated and the switch was flicked. It appeared that they’d manage to kill him this time, but their fears were realized when the conductor regained consciousness as they were about to remove his body. His manager and the two gorilla-sized bodyguards were waiting for him and he left the building. "Back to work." 

The weeks dragged on, and the conductor had all that he could take. “Dear, could you get me C4?â€, he asked his wife as they lay in bed. “Yes dearâ€, she replied. 

It was all too much for the conductor, and he didn’t even wait for the concert to start. “Damn you all!†he screamed, and clicked the detonator of the bomb he placed under the New York Symphony Orchestra, killing all 190 odd band members. The army was called in this time, and he was dragged away. 

"Jesus Christ, you again!?! You’re supposed to be DEAD!", the judge roared. The conductor just shrugged. "May I ask how you plead for 190 counts of first degree murder?" "Guilty as sin!", the conductor screamed, "the fuckers deserved it!" The conductor was hauled away. A public announcement was issued to all local residents warning that there would be a short cut in the power. Meanwhile, the cities’ electrical engineers were busy re-routing all the electricity they could into the electric chair. Once again, the conductor was granted a last request. "Three dozen bananas on a silver platter", he said. 

He scarfed the bananas, the building was completely vacated, and the electric chair was activated by remote control, some 2 kilometres away. The building exploded, reducing it to rubble. They fished through the ruins to find the conductor’s ruined body. His funeral was held some days later and as the casket was being lowered into the grave there was a knock on the coffin lid. Women fainted as the conductor crawled out of coffin - alive! He was taken to a large press conference. One reporter stood up and asked “You’ve survived three visits to the electric chair. How did you do it?â€

"I’ve tried telling people all along", he said, 

"I’m just a bad conductor.

[haploid]

 

shitty joke

 

motherfuck...

[BRICK DOM]

ya that was not worth the read at all wtf

[haploid]

you should tell that at a bar. it would really suck

[dovo]

So i got diagnosed with a pretty severe case of Acute Sciatica. Over the course of september, it just got worse and worse to the point i couldn't walk or sit for more than 5 minutes. 
 

taking a shit has become a task and a half for me since I can't squeeze or get the shit flowing or sit down long enough to let nature run its course, i wait until i absolutely am on the brink of eruption. This has worked for me for the past few weeks. 

 

So today the shits ready to hit the fan so i hobble may way into the bathroom get situated and figure i have a 30 second window before the pain comes. 

First two joints. smooth as a whistle. im thinking im down when suddenly i get this urge that something else is ready to come out so i stay the course. This turd is tough cookie so im sitting there trying to breathe it out...nothin. A friend told me the Japanese have this super efficient way of shitting with their legs up. I cant lift my legs so i bend over and hug my knee caps hoping that would work. nothin. By now im in pain. I twist turn, breathe, try to shift some of the weight onto my arms/sink, get into a 3 point stance. Nothing. 

 

Ive had to shit in rounds so im thinking fuck it ill come back later. I let out this disappointed sigh and what do you know, the shit decides it wants to crown. so after minutes of trying all that shit over again. i just say fuck it and squeezee. man, i fuckin squeezed and i gotta tell ya  that shit hurt so bad (pun unintended). but miraculously once i got this behemoth of a turd out of my body, my ass muscle completely relaxed. 

 

Fast forward to now and i can sit completely up without any pain now. 

 

Feels good man. 

Edited October 3, 2014 by dovo

[andrewisdope]

^i think you're thinking of this

 

 

 

 

reminds me of this NT thread: http://niketalk.com/t/206455/we-need-to-get-back-to-pooping-the-right-way

[wahwho11]

i had one of those asian stools you buy at asian supermarkets to prop my feet while i shit.  makes it easier.

kinda like these, but i'm shitting and they're shorter.... and mine has little cartoon animals on it.

Edited October 3, 2014 by wahwho11

[SSchadenfreude]

 

 

 

 

 

 

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

 

shits

 

 

i just read about your shit habits.

superfuture is going down the drain (10)

[dovo]

i just read about your shit habits.

superfuture is going down the drain (10)

 

Shits weak son

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

Shits weak son

 

naw that was meant to be more funny. i enjoyed it but was kind of flabbergasted for me to start empathizing with you the longer i read it.

 

shit's strong brah. hi5*

[pompadork]

http://www.yoshiokubo.jp/#collection/2014-2015fw/08/

 

I like this poncho

[uhhuh69]

when i go for a shit i don't push it out, i wait for it to fall out by itself. that way i can appreciate my bathroom more and also read more which was one of my new years resolutions

[Vampyrvargfesten]

when i go for a shit i don't push it out, i wait for it to fall out by itself. that way i can appreciate my bathroom more and also read more which was one of my new years resolutions

 

[cheapmuthafukr]

I drink enough coffee and smoke enough cigarettes that I never have a problem shitting.

[Schoon]

While we're on the subject of shit, I came home to find the toilet clogged twice this week, both times in a rush to get home and dump ass.  And both times my roommates (which one it is i haven't figured out yet) weren't home so I had to deal with that shit (pun unintended) myself.  We don't have a plunger either so I had to use the toilet brush with a plastic bag around it so the shit didn't get stuck to the bristles.   

[wahwho11]

remember in initial d where that guy's car jumps over a turn?  i do.  and so does he:

Edited October 5, 2014 by wahwho11

[CronutEh]

BITCH YOU WASNT WIT ME SHOOTIN IN THE GYM