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dismalfuture

official break up thread

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i worked out and quit smoking cigs for 3-4 weeks, i really wanted to be looking and feeling good as a kinda "fuck you, im better off without you and you never meant anything to me anyway" kinda thing...

I think we're hitting here the two side-faces of an after break-up:

either you fuck yourself up, either you step yourself up (sounds like a lame punchline, i know).

Edit= i almost spaced out that all of the people i know that went through an hard break-up lost an excessive amount of weight

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i dont know if i ever rly talked bout my ex on here...

met him @ 20, got married...thought i loved him even tho he was a dick from the start. lived in cincy from oct 2004-nov 2007, trying to work at it and even going through invitrofertilization 2.5 times to try to have a baby cause the bitchfuck was shooting blanks.

he fucked my mind/my heart up to no end. he was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive--sort of blame myself cause it was my self esteem to blame for letting someone treat me like that. after the last ivf treatment costing $25,000 at the Weill Cornell Medical College (yeah they spent that much) didnt work i left new york thinking it was going to be different...life w/o kids would be fine and he and i would try harder and make this thing work. except i got off my anti-depressants and woke the fuck up and started looking to bigger and better things.

told him i needed a break, he threatened to hurt me so i lied and said i was going to stay with my rents for a week for thanksgiving.....i left and never went back, that was nov 2007. also about the self health kick, when i knew it was over and i was leaving i lost like 10lbs in a week (depression made me a fattie :( )

so when i left i was happy as fuck, looked good and loved myself more than anyone else and therefore, was able to be loved the way i should have been. /mush

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I've only been through one really hellish breakup in my life. Moved to NYC for the girl. She was a former chicago ballerina + columbia grad + her dad's like one of the top 3 neurosurgeons in the world. She looked like Anne Hathaway but taller. I was madly in love with her.

Breakup happened, and it was terrible. I was living out in Brooklyn at the time, and the commute on the L train was miserable. I would call my friend out in Jersey and he'd take the train into the city at any hour of the day to just walk around with me, smoking cigarettes.

Every morning I would wake up and look at the knife I kept by the bed and think, "I need one reason not to kill myself. Anything." Every damn day it was something innocuous like "oh, I need to get stamps today". This went on for about a month.

Then one day I impulsively moved into manhattan with a friend of mine and killed my lease. I left everything at my old apartment except my clothes and just bought new furniture at the new place. A week after I moved in, I was standing on the rooftop drinking a beer and I realized, life is pretty fucking fantastic. Our perception of it might change from time to time, but life, just being alive is an amazing thing, and I'm in awe of it. It was like a cold snap, and then I was laughing.

I think too often we let ourselves become subsumed by a relationship, and we lose sight of our own identities. Breaking up like that is like accidental death - the misery and regrets that have accumulated end up on us, and we have to struggle through it until we start falling in love with ourselves again. At least, that's how I perceived the process.

Good luck to everyone in the thread, not that you will need it. Fuck, you're all mad ballers anyways.

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rwO4g--LhuU

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I uh, kinda got my gf back and she is coming back to me. so I dunno about quitting smoking, jacking off, or any of this bullshit, but be honest with yourself and know what you are capable of alone and know what you need the other party for. Most of you fuckers don't even know what you need yourselves for, so thanks for fucking up the adults thread. see you in a couple years.

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yeah, sorry I was hammered as fuck yesterday. I had a half bottle of bourbon, a half bottle of wine and a 6 pack in my system, i ate for the first time in two days, and I went back and read this thread and read sixes and sevens post. I get the mean streak when I drink.

apologies.

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longest GF ive had was 7 months back in HS.. this threads making me feel good to be single.

Had a sweet ass summer fling Grease style.. now i'm in grad school and shes 1500 miles away. its nice to be away from her b/c shes got legitimate mental health problems, but it was still a blast :)

Grease-movie-p08.jpg

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anyway, I realized by reading some of the other posts in this thread that maybe it wasn't gonna do as much good as I originally thought. Sometimes there's just not much else to say, sometimes there's a lot and you can't get it all into the English language.

To the older guys I apologize, I didn't mean for this to be a thread where 18 or 23 year olds who know everything about the world give you expert advice. That can be pretty annoying at times, and I guess that is something you only see in the rearview mirror. That's not to bash being young, but we live in this modern world full of luxuries, and growing up physically happens in high school, growing up mentally happens in college, and then unfortunately growing up emotionally doesn't happen til you're well into your 20's nowadays, and sometimes real maturity may not set in til you're well into the 30's as I see people around me.

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hows the make up sex ? i bet its soooo goood

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I'll lick the toes for you edie. She's not back yet, she has to do some paperwork in Japan and then she'll be back.

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god damn im excited for you good luck mate if your getting married let me know i wanna see kim+shi kids ( kimchi + sushi)

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I left everything at my old apartment except my clothes and just bought new furniture at the new place.

Sufu has taught you well.

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I have had a girl break up with me after 4 years on my birthday. (she is married with a kid now, we talk semi regular.)

i have had a finance break up with me and steal half my shit... moved out and lived at work for 3 months sleeping under a desk. (she can die in hell and get raped by flaming demon cock. she would probably love it.)

i have had the girl of my dreams break up with me and still love her. (still love her. nuff said.)

as someone said, you either get fucked up or step it up. hopefully we all keep stepping it up. The better choice is always life. Choose life.

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going to give this thread a read when i finish this assignment

but

me and this girl were in love really connected and inspired each other... she moved an hour away [move out for first time] and she said she was unsure abt distance so we both agreed to end it... she said that she needed to learn to be independent and that included emotional attachment

i was bummed for a bit but i've been having a good time with the bros and also i've been meeting girls like i see good looking girl on campus so i just go up to her and talk to her and i don't consider myself especially confident but i'm surprising myself... also me and my friend have started this thing we have a quota of meeting/talking to a new girl every day

best wishes for all

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i have had a few big break ups.

the first was when i was 19 i had lived with the girl for a year we had been together around a year and a half. we had been living at my mum's place then moved into a flat. she started spending all her time with our flatmate who was a good friend of mine. it was weird but really i just hung out with my friends. one day she came home and i confronted her about anything going on. she said no but it was time to break up, i was devastated. a week later they were together.

i spent my time making new friends and writing songs/started a band. at the time it hurt. thinking back my life just got a whole lot better/more interesting. i was single for the longest period of my adult life and was so interested in my work at drama school and playing music that i got a lot done. wasn't really interested in anyone else until i met my next girlfriend almost a year later.

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had one major, life changing break up:

met this awesome chick who helped me define who i am today. in retrospect, i don't think i would even know about sufu if it wasn't for her. initially, she got me interested in sneakers. jawnz soon followed.

either way, we hit it off the first time we met. initially started as a fwb thing which eventually lead to both of us catching feelings. i really liked her, she loved me. we went on and off for about 4 years. lots of me ignoring her and her being too needy and sex. we never officially 'dated' but it was just something we assumed. didn't see other people -- i just had some thing about not liking the term bf/gf.

anyway, a while after the final 'break up', she calls me crying and tells me she has to tell me something. shits eating her up inside and she had to let it out. ends up she got pregnant twice and aborted both of them. she said one was a boy, the other a girl. didn't let me know, didn't consult me, didn't say jack shit. told me nearly a year after the second abortion. looking back, i wonder how i missed it but i guess with technology nowadays you can catch that much earlier.

that shit fucked me up hard. quit my job, started smoking heavily, doing lots of drugs, drinking alot. i've never cried so hard in my entire life. ever. it is also a big reason why i don't sleep often. as soon as i get thinking about that, i feel so helpless/useless and can't sleep(not sleeping tonight obviously). i've always talked with friends what i'd want to name my kids if i had a boy or a girl and it's a little cliche but to me, getting a tattoo is very therapeutic. i got the boy(elijah) name and girl name(faith) tattoo'd on my ribs as a reminder/tribute/memorial.

i'm still not over that entire issue. i don't think i'm ever going to "get over" it. i don't want to.

i'm 23 now. she told me when i was 21. tanx for reading my sob story, brohymns.

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i have no problem with people getting tattoos for tribute/memorial whatever. someone dies, kid is born, etc.

that being said, am i the only one who finds it pretty weird to tattoo the names of kids you didn't have? i mean, you said you didn't notice it admitting she likely aborted pretty early. so not even like they were stillborn or anything

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i have no problem with people getting tattoos for tribute/memorial whatever. someone dies, kid is born, etc.

that being said, am i the only one who finds it pretty weird to tattoo the names of kids you didn't have? i mean, you said you didn't notice it admitting she likely aborted pretty early. so not even like they were stillborn or anything

It's kinda of corny in words my interpretation of the tattoos but is it not poignant to have a brand, a tangible reminder significant only to yourself of how flawed a human you could be? You don't want to get over it, that's almost inhuman but wouldn't it be nice to elevate yourself to a point where the tattoo carries that weight but in a light that's a bit more comforting.

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but everyone that sees you with your shirt off is going to ask about those two names. I understand feeling fucked up over two abortions you didn't know about, but I wouldn't want to have to tell every chick I fuck with about that.

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ridin' durty for the dogs of war:

hellohihey,

it's like talking to a tombstone. do those who do such things feel satisfaction? is any type of re-conciliatory supplication achieved by that act? in a way, that's what i do daily with the long gone specter of you. what i did that last day was necessary to move on, yet my legs still feel weary. success was had that night, but easily not the kind i hoped for. you broke my heart and i needed you to...thank you for that...fuck you for that. i am again whole because of that death, yet that makes nothing any easier. on some days it's gratitude, on others anger, hatred, ill feelings. you hollowed out not just my heart when you left and refused to respond, you hollowed out me. everything in terms of social interaction with those i knew while dealing with you seems pointless now...save with ______, and of course ______. god! how can not talking with _____ even be an option??!! it's a viable option which i exercise on the daily, and although it's wrong, it just doesn't matter. laughter with the homies ain't the same so i choose not to even attempt a joke. it sucks to still miss you, so i don't say it aloud. i intern it and hope that the day when i don't comes soon. what you did, what we did, what i did: only you can tell me the rights, wrongs, proper/improper-ties of what it was. alls i can do is postulate. there is this inadequacy within me now because of you. this lack of self appreciation because you didn't or couldn't see what everyone else sees on the daily, and that negates every positive word or stare i have received in bulk since you left. i hate you for that. i gave you my heart on your doorstep and you never even peeked through the goddamn curtain. it was necessary for you to do this i know, but you never even said a word. i hate you for that. yet and still there is this optimism i foolishly hold on to that you will call or i will run into you, some bullshit like that. what would that change though? if i am better off for having known you why do i feel so inconsequential? all i can do these days is focus on getting the fuck out of ______. the memories here are too hurtful to hold onto oftentimes. i know i don't belong here. when you leave for ______, my wish is that you would let me know to say goodbye, but i have no faith that you would. what would that change anyway right? what would change what remains? anger, inadequacy, a pinch of sadness, isolation......you.

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thats what i did with with my ex's before make them drink Vitamins everyday ( vitamins are pills) and then there before having sex

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let me get this straight, you wanted two kids at 21? smh.

You're assuming too much from what I posted. Wanting to have kids and being put in a certain position and not even having a say in a certain position are all completely different things.

i have no problem with people getting tattoos for tribute/memorial whatever. someone dies, kid is born, etc.

that being said, am i the only one who finds it pretty weird to tattoo the names of kids you didn't have? i mean, you said you didn't notice it admitting she likely aborted pretty early. so not even like they were stillborn or anything

Those are kids I WOULD have if I had any say in the matter. Maybe you find it weird but I don't think you can even begin to comprehend (and it's obvious by your response) why I got that tattoo or what I experienced.

but everyone that sees you with your shirt off is going to ask about those two names. I understand feeling fucked up over two abortions you didn't know about, but I wouldn't want to have to tell every chick I fuck with about that.

I've got a fair amount of work on my body and surprisingly enough, I don't really enjoy talking about their significance with just anyone -- especially if it was some random hook-up. "Long story" and "I'll tell you another time" or just smiling and shrugging do the trick. =)

Also, thanks to the people who sent me detailed PM's. I wasn't expecting that at all.

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You're assuming too much from what I posted. Wanting to have kids and being put in a certain position and not even having a say in a certain position are all completely different things.

Those are kids I WOULD have if I had any say in the matter. Maybe you find it weird but I don't think you can even begin to comprehend (and it's obvious by your response) why I got that tattoo or what I experienced.

Can he assume you wanted them now?

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Dude, if I had to make the choice, I would have kept both of the children. That doesn't mean that I WANTED to actually have children at that time though.

Is that so hard to understand?

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girl I dated this summer was all about we. couldn't tell where her personality ended and mine began. adopted the philosophy of whom ever she spent time around. Kinda bugged me

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this thread is serious shit

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