RandR Interpersonal Relation Advice Thread/Colum

[MharcI]

3rd times the fuckin charm then hahaha

[RandR]

I'm glad I can offer some small help to everyone.

This should probably be in the breakup thread, but here's how I am getting by. I've been writing out my thoughts every day in a little moleskine my friend in NYC gave me(cupcake girl), and I'm filling each page with all the despair that will fit. Each day it's a little bit less, and the cathartic act is starting to work well. I'm also taking a picture every day with my webcam and archiving the pictures. When I can look at a picture I've taken that morning and realize that I look happy, I'll be free of all of this regret. When the book is full and I can read through it and track the end of my relationship with despair and sorrow, I'll be done with that too.

Each milestone you set for yourself is another chance to succeed at something and feel better for yourself, at least that's what I think. I'm not doing what I used to do(sleep around to feel better) because honestly it doesn't help very much, and I don't want my self esteem to be based on how many girls I've fucked, I want it to be based on the fact that I like myself and my life, and the decisions that I've made.

I hope that helps anybody cross reading from the other dating(fucking?) thread, or from the breakup thread by dismal.

My friend told me something the other day that I really loved:

"time goes on. The bad thing about that is sometimes the agony feels like an eternity, but the good thing about it is, that time goes on no matter what you do and drags you forward step by step until one day you realize you're fine, and maybe even happy again, hell maybe even a little beautiful".

Good luck.

[MharcI]

amen

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[darkknight]

now my friend is in a relationship with her. do i owe it 2 my friend 2 tell him that he is basically sampling my doodoo when they kiss?

I think your friend is sampling her doo doo, actually. Unless somehow you fucked yourself in the ass.

[AL-9000]

+1 on moleskine/journal tip. Seriously, you'll find that just by organizing your thoughts and getting them on paper you will have already started working through whatever is troubling you...that coupled with a little self-reflection always helped me to come to terms with whatever problems i had at the time.

most of the stuff i've written in there seems trivial to me now and sometimes even makes me laugh, but i'll always know exactly what I was feeling when i filled 25 pages of that thing with my barely legible scribbles of the girl who chose him over me (she came back pretty quickly)...that's pretty cool i think.

also they're good for remembering cool things you think of, dreams, and hot rhymes you come up with while walking down the street.

good luck to all in here

[TTM]

then you can burn the journal when you're all better!!

[RandR]

haha you guys are awesome.

my boy alex has been dropping some more e-mail gems lately. I thought i would share them.

On ending communications completely:

There isn't a finite amount of pain and confusion and despair and love inside you. It grows and diminishes in millions of countless ways every moment, and so "putting it all out there" is probably a way to maintain a certain emotional connection with the other person, but probably that emotion is going to find itself channeled into not particularly fulfilling or satisfying ways. I might be wrong on this one, but I think this is what I find in myself.

On suicide:

Even at it's worst, life is just a bit of a cruel joke. And comparatively, we've got it pretty good. And we can do better. And even if we don't we might as well ride this sinking ship down to the bottom together.

on breakups in general:

I will also say this. When the dust settles, as it eventually does, I don't know how satisfying that landscape is going to be. You'll have spent months basically at wits end. You'll be scrambling to back-fill some holes in the academic record. And the prize here is supposed to be a normalization of tensions with a clearly unstable chick? It's not clear to me (I mean, it wouldn't be, but play along) that there's even that much of a "normal" to which you'd return -- I recall that you had pretty strong feelings for ____ from rather early on. That's can't be your reference point; you'll always want to see things progress from that point. I think it's far more productive to aim for some neutral relationship that neither of you had with the other; she's probably incapable of being for you what you want her to be, and you're probably incapable of identifying exactly what that is, anyway, or at least recognizing if it gets there (not a judgement, you're just too deep in the situation).

This dude needs to be in this thread, but syrian internet won't let him on sufu I think.

[Phyziks]

Update: We're now official as of 10-10-10. Kinda cool omen.

[RandR]

Update: We're now official as of 10-10-10. Kinda cool omen.

motherfuckin' that's what I'm talking about. Internet fist bump, etc etc, eat some pho and be like "pho real motherfuckers" because yeah, this shit is real.

I think I already gave you plus rep. Good luck into the future, man.

[RandR]

So I basically fucked up the "becoming friends process" and now the girl hates me. This, apparently, is how one makes a clean break.

Good times.

I hope everyone else is doing better.

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

Update: We're now official as of 10-10-10. Kinda cool omen.

lol, should get on the 811 10/10/10 contest joint yo~

[ROYALEFATALE]

So I basically fucked up the "becoming friends process" and now the girl hates me. This, apparently, is how one makes a clean break.

Good times.

I hope everyone else is doing better.

that happened to me too, except the other way around

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Well I kind of fucked things up with my girlfriend today. Like, real bad.

Kind of filled with regrets.

Damn melatonin supplementation makes me so depressed. Need to fix my sleep schedule pronto.

[RandR]

I'm back, dudeessssss

Life is good. Stayed at the Waldorf Astoria and met hair models and random girls that work at RL, and chilled it with my girl in NYC the whole time.

I'm at like 95% as of today. Ready to assist. Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend.

p.s. to everyone that PMed me about NYC - next time I am up I am buying all of you a beer and a shot of whiskey. I was way too busy this trip to do anything. Next time I won't be, and I'll be drunk. Maybe...Halloween?

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Post some pics of your exploits in the big apple.

[MharcI]

I really need to stop being so fucking hard to be with. I start petty arguments over nonsense all the time, I just have such a bad temper, and I know I cant expect her to be perfect, she tries so hard and any other dude would probably think she is perfect. Im just an idiot sometimes.

This girl is so fucking in love with me, and I know that, and maybe thats why I feel like I can be a jerkoff, but lately I feel like ive actually been doing damage to our relationship and she says so.

The other day she said she thought she was crazy for thinking it, but for the first time in our relationship she thought about us not being together. Shes over it now, but that fucking scared me, especially knowing its my fault.

For the most part im so nice, and really a great boyfriend, and she knows this. But I dunno...sometimes I just feel angry and argumentative and any little thing will set me off.

I know I need to stop, I will even through our love, possibly lose her because of this.

Advice, thoughts, comments?

[MharcI]

And R&R, fuck that ill buy you a beer if you come through to NY. Your advice has been too good.

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Mharcl I was about to post the same exact thing, but I was scared to let me emotions out like that.

We sound pretty identical.

Anyway listen to this song, every time it pops up on my ipod I think of you (and myself)

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Actually, fuck it.

It hurts so much to know someone you love and are so compatible with will be leaving you soon, and you'll never have a chance to save the relationship....

Damn. Wish I never met this girl sometimes....

[MharcI]

Actually, fuck it.

It hurts so much to know someone you love and are so compatible with will be leaving you soon, and you'll never have a chance to save the relationship....

Damn. Wish I never met this girl sometimes....

Hahahah! That song, Im slowly but surely getting over that. Ive really figured things are too good to be worried about that shit.

At least I hope so, and me being a jerk isnt the subconcious outpouring of that.

And she aint gonna leave soon! I know this girl is head over heals with me, I just need to better work on my temper sometimes, and not let the little shit eat at me. Ugh.

Whoever said relationships arent easy was so right.

[Desi]

i aint' got no drama. Just bumped into an old co-worker at a club in the city and talked her up. she invited me over her place this weekend but I scheduled to work so gotta postpone it. doubt my car can make the trip to DC anyway but we'll see.

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Oh my bad I was talking about myself because my gf is going back to Korea at the end of the year

But yeah, so true.

Aiyo Mharcl, assholes for life son <3

[Quiver]

i.e. take that pussy off the pedestal and man the fuck up

[lak]

Starting a paypal fund to pay for MharcI's therapy. (5)

[MharcI]

ahahahha

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edit: i could probably use it.

[shufon]

i.e. take that pussy off the pedestal and man the fuck up

Took the words out of my mouth.

[ROYALEFATALE]

Actually, fuck it.

It hurts so much to know someone you love and are so compatible with will be leaving you soon, and you'll never have a chance to save the relationship....

Damn. Wish I never met this girl sometimes....

heavy shit bro.

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

heavy shit bro.

FUCK YO SARCASM ROYALE.

i'mow rape you

[sawn-off chef]

I got a date with this cute 30 year old who is 90lbs and 5', I might be taking molly that day too. This could be hilarious.

[RandR]

I just drove to Huntsville AL right after coming back from NYC. Don't really have many pictures of my exploits - drinks in the EV and LES, food at the meatball shop and minca, business shit at the waldorf. I did meet a ton of russian hair models and some girl that works for RL and is engaged, but I hung out with my cupcake girl up there for the most part(and she was not happy to see me talking with hair models at the bar, I will tell you that).

Mharci, you gotta love yourself first man. You really do. It's hard for someone else to love you when you doubt yourself first. I think you will totally be fine, you just need to recognize that she loves you for who you are, even if that who you are is neurotic as shit. Don't forget that real life isn't like the movies, or a K-drama. There are ups and downs and like any good sailor knows, you weather the downs and you fly on the ups. Set your course to 45 degrees, and don't let those sails luff, you know what I mean?

Fade, life sucks sometimes but the good news is this. If you can feel like this much shit over someone else then congratulations - you have a spark of empathy in you that's more valuable than randomly fucking tons of girls. The only good thing I got out of this breakup I went through was the reaffirmation that I can still love someone else completely, with 100 percent of my trust. That's staggering, really - it's staggering to think that The concept of "I" became enveloped by the concept of "us" like falling into a bed of white feathers. It's like when you are traveling in the rain, and you put the window down a bit to feel the drops slash across your fingers and the feel of those drops cutting furrows through the air and into your skin means knowing that safety is so fragile as to be transparent and that we should value it all the more because it is so fragile.

Both of you just need to start thinking about the postives in your situations and be happy that the process of becoming a decent person has already begun. The building might look a bit odd, but the foundations are sound.

Good luck, guys.

p.s. Mharci I'd love to get a beer with you...and your girl. You can meet my cupcake girl too(although I am still not dating her. We were both asked point blank by the CEO of a public company why we weren't dating over steaks in NYC. Both of us couldn't really come up with anything of substance. This shit is ridiculous).