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MharcI

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Posts posted by MharcI

  1. I am alive, thanks everyone for the support and the kind (and not so kind) words, along with those who sent me PMs, I've been doing better actually, figured I'd try and get some ass over the Internet to ease my woes, and it's a pretty interesting story...

    I'm writing this out cause I think it's entertaining, and for some reason I just woke up an hour earlier than I needed too.

    So yeah set up an OKC profile, just for kind of a rebound hookup thing, and just for shits and giggles at the same time

    I met my first person off there on Tuesday, she looked better in pictures but whatever, still attractive. We met up in a park, and I'd brought a bottle of wine, she was nice enough to bring a blanket, it was a gorgeous day and we laid out for awhile talking, etc. We finish the wine, and she actually suggests getting something stronger, so we go to a liquor store and get a bottle of Jack, my type of girl.

    We go back to the park, drink some more, out of nowhere the skies open up and it starts pouring, we hide under a canopy of trees and use the blanket as like a tarp, it passes quick, I got the feeling that at this point she kind of wanted me to kiss her, but I didnt, cause I wasnt sure...At this point its about 9 in the evening so I suggest we should go get some food, she agrees and says she knows a good BYOB place nearby, so we can continue to drink. I'm somewhat impressed, the bottles about halfway down and she doesn't appear drunk in the slightest, and wants to continue, alright.

    We walk over to place, and its closed, we meditate on what we should do for a moment, when she says my place isn't too far from here, we can just order some pizza or something. At this point I figure I'm in. She even wants to pick up a six pack, whaaat?

    We order some food on the walk over, get to her place we have another drink. Her apartment was beautiful by the way, and from what we spoke about earlier I already deduced shes one of those hipster art school girls with a really rich dad. Fine by me...

    She asks me if I wanna take a quick shower, which was a nice gesture and I did. I get out and its been about an hour since we ordered the food, so I call them and the place is fucking closed. So we figure they're not coming... So what does she do? She cooks me a fucking steak, yes, alongside a salad and some other shit and it was fucking great.

    We move to her living room, we start making out, I suggest we move to her room, we do, we get undressed, and she's all over me, but she keeps saying we shouldn't, blah, blah, she's been hurt in the past, if we have sex right now shell never see me again.

    After some kinds words, alongside some tongue action she succumbs, and holy shit, craziest girl I've ever been with. I love sex as much as any man, but she fucking wore me out. Finally she's had her fix and we pass out, or rather she does. I'm wide awake cause I'm thinking this is so weird.. Especially coming off a long serious relationship. I don't need anything like that again, and I kind of feel like this girl likes me way too much.

    I finally pass out to be awoken again at like 7 am, she wants to fuck, so I get her off and pass out again. This happens again like two hours later. At like noon were both up for good, and lay around messing around till like 3, this girls a fucking animal...

    I say I need to head home, take care of some stuff, she gets all upset, and says lemme at least make you some food before you go. Fucking great, so she makes me lunch, I kiss her goodbye, walking to the subway im still thinking what the fuck... A couple of hours later I get a text saying her sister is throwing a BBQ at their parents apartment, and I should come by.

    I figure I've got nothing better to do, so I agree. I get to the place, which is actually a fucking duplex on the upper east side over looking the park, and when she said BBQ I thought it would be a crowd, it's actually just her, her sister and her boyfriend. It's fine though, I don't fucking mind steak and champagne and all this other shit.

    We spend a couple of hours hanging out, and I'm genuinely enjoying myself, it's good company. The night begins to wind down, and her sister and boyfriend go to bed. We kiss for a little bit, and she says shed love if I stayed the night at her place, i say why not. We get a cab to Brooklyn. At her place I'm ready to just pass out, she literally says, "im not getting off that easy, and she wants to fuck." I let her get on top for a bit, and to be honest in the morning neither of us really remember if we did it, cause we just passed out. I have to be somewhere, so she makes me coffee and I go on my way... That was this morning.

    It's fucking weird, I know this girl is falling for me hard, I can just tell. But at this point I know I can't do thar, just got out of a crazy relationship, etc. But this chick is genuinely cool, if not a little bit damaged/crazy...

    I gave her a call this evening, just a hey how was your day kind of thing, maybe im leading her on, but it feels nice to be wanted so badly by someone again, especially a girl who loves to fuck and drink, and will cook for me, and never wears a pair of shoes that don't have heels, or pants, and who comes from demented money so she won't be reliant on me...I dunno, even though I'm enjoying this, I keep comparing her to my ex and it's strange.

    Strange things, that's my story anyway, to be continued probably...

  2. no you don't. You just spent 4 paragraphs feeling sorry for yourself. I'm telling you, do you really think you're the only person who has problems and feels sad in this world, and therefore is entitled to talk about them like this? Get the fuck out of here. Stop looking in the mirror and expecting yourself to be so special, just calm the fuck down and live like a human being. You have plenty of time.

    I'm about to turn 30 soon, and dude, everything you're saying, I know how it feels. I've been there and I've had far worse times as well. I am not gonna spell out my own problems here because that doesn't really do anything for them, but you need to realize that you are completely and utterly normal, just stay off the bottle because you are permanently fucking up your serotonin levels and then you really will have problems, rather than the tiny ones you have now. Get off the fucking internet while you're at it, go outside and try to make some friends.

    Like theres nothing else I want to fucking do then sit home between the tv and computer all day, you say it like its so easy, go outside and make some friends. WIll do.

  3. Actually I broke it off, but just because I knew shit was dying. I know its the right choice, and she actually messaged me the other day saying she misses the good stuff about us.

    But that relationship is over and done with. I want nothing to do with her...not for a little while anyway. Distance is the best cure.

  4. Bruv, take it easy. Start up a blog or something.

    Look, I'm pretty much the exact same age as you (turning 20 in 2 weeks), and honestly, I've felt pretty much EVERYTHING you've described in your post above. Like literally EVERYTHING. And I'm sure everyone around this age has felt the same shit too.

    YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. YOU ARE NOT SINGULAR IN YOUR FEELINGS.

    (I, for one, would never commit suicide though. That's just fucking weak, plus I don't want to put that sort of burden/pain on my family/close friends.)

    I've actually written a lot of responses to your posts before but I've deleted all of them because I know that you'll probably just brush whatever anyone says to you aside.

    Nonetheless, my advice is to hit the gym, go exercise, go for a morning run. Seriously, the best anti-depressant is exercise. Keep yourself occupied, it'll get your mind off things. I find myself the most depressed when I'm at home laying around doing nothing. I think up of the most depressing shit when I'm alone with my thoughts. But the next morning, it's always a new day and all my inhibitions just melt away.

    And I recognize that man, I reiterate it more than once that I in a way feel stupid for feeling like this, and in a lot of ways its unwarranted. I just cant shake the feeling.

  5. Man, I know you're not having a good time, but basically, this:

    1) you're like 20-22? You haven't even lived a third or maybe even a quarter of your life, so killing yourself is frankly kind of el oh el on the weakest tip

    2) From your posts, I'm pretty sure therapy isn't going to help man - you don't listen to anybody. People were telling you to break up with that girl like last year, as a consistent daily thing. Listen to what people are telling you, they're not trying to drive you off the cliff.

    In the same vein, don't take up drinking as a solution to your problems - take it from somebody who has been there.

    3) You should go read Norwegian Wood and find the line where he says 'people who feel sorry for themselves are assholes' .... Go have your sympathy drink, read your post again, and then go on cnn and look at the pictures of those 90 some dead people in Norway or something. You thought you were having it bad? Please.

    Reaching the point of suicide means you are now at a point where you can do ANYTHING with your life. Just drop shit and go and do the thing you've most wanted to do, but had too many things holding you back. If you were prepared to end it all, who cares about anything else? Ditch everyone you know, your possessions, your obligations etc and move to Spain and become a bullfighter - however it goes has gotta be better than being dead, right?
    also, Mharcl, I'm gonna leave your quote up there so maybe you'll come across it in like 5 years, and you can look back on it and see how you're sounding right now.

    summary of your problems-

    "broke up with girlfriend"

    "i drink a lot"

    "I lost my job and the other money making venture i was doing isn't doing so well"

    If the rest of the world's population offed themselves for those kinds of reasons, we'd have nobody left on earth over age 25 or so.

    Look guys, I completely understand what you are saying.

    I am 19 years old (20 in a week) the chance that this girl I was in love with being "the one" is quite fucking slim. Theres plenty of fish in the sea, and i'm young, relatively good looking, and not awkward, I should just play the feild and enjoy myself.

    This is all obvious. But at the same time, as unrealistic as it is, it still fucking hurts when the girl who at one point spoke of having children with you, wants nothing to do with you.

    In a similiar matter, it's kind of sad to realize that all of the people who I call my friends, arent really my friends. They've just been people i've gotten drunk with for the past couple of years.

    Of two people who I can honestly call my friends, one of them is drifting away, and the other lives 10 hours away. So thats shitty.

    I just feel like I have no ambition, and no drive. Like at one end of the spectrum, I hate the fuck that i'm stagnating, I havent done anything with my self for the past couple of weeks except sleep, and drink. Its disgusting. My room is a mess, i'm constantly under some form of intoxication. I dont even shower for a couple of days at a time.

    I feel like the task of going and looking for a job is ruthless, school starts back up in a month and I dont know what the fuck im going to do with myself education wise...

    I just feel really lonely, and like I have no one and nothing....

    And I know its pathetic, and I know its silly. I dont reallyt need anyone to tell me that, I know I should be fucking grateful for what I do have...but its like man, who cares that the grass is always greener, cause im where I fucking am and I feel like shit.

    I just need to somehow attain that drive, or motivation, or whatever you want to call it, but I dont know how, and I feel like I need to fall really low before I get it...

    And I really am fucking suicidal, i've been researching ways on how to do it....I know I probably wont, but theres some solace in the fact that I can. Last night I called the suicide prevention hotline and spoke to some one there.

    I dont fucking know anymore.

  6. Broke up with my girlfriend of about 2 years couple weeks back. It's for the better, and I realize that, so i'm not all that bummed about it.

    It's just all this shit happened at once, I also lost my job, the startup that me and my friends attempted is faltering.

    I always thought I could keep it in check, knew I had a problem. But i've consistently gotten drunk every damn day for the past month or so. Like a bottle of Jack every night as I lay in bed watching movies. I get horrible sleep, I feel depressed. Feel like nothings going for me...

    Wont lie, ive definitely thought about killing myself, but I know its ridiculous. Im gonna seek therapy

  7. Always wanted to sleep with an older chick, I think my opportunity is finally here, but don't really know how to go about making it work...

    I was visiting a friend in Philly for the weekend, coming back I get on a boltbus back to NY, even though my ticket was for a later megabus, I completely didn't notice.

    In any case I grab a seat next to this pretty chick, and ask her what bus it is. We find out I'm totally on the wrong bus, and share a laugh. At this point I'm not getting off, it's going to where I need to be headed, and at an earlier time. Pretty clutch.

    Anyway, me and this girl start talking, and were getting along really well. She works for NBC as some sort of marketing agent, promises me free tickets to Jimmy Fallon.

    We get on the topic of age, and she's genuinely kind of shocked that I'm 19. I don't look it at all, and don't really act it I like to think... Turns out she's 29.

    It doesn't deter anything though, were still talking a bunch, she's leaning into me. What was a 2 hour ride felt like 15 minutes.

    Anyway we get to NY, and get off the bus, she gives me a deep hug and says it was great to meet you. I decide to jump the gun and suggest we go and grab a drink (I have a fake id.) She declines, saying she's got to be up for work, she's really tired...

    I kind of thought I fucked up there, but this morning she posted on my Facebook some stupid inside joke we created.

    I feel if I play my cards right I could have a nice little thing with this older woman, but obviously I've never really dealt with a woman this age. Thoughts opinions?

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