Hit up ACR yesterday, and they replied this morning, and they're sending me a decent amount of pocket fabric so I can just take the fabric and my pants to the tailor for a quick fix.
Hooray for not having to send my pants out all the way to Europe.
Yeah, you're not wrong. I guess maybe it's more accurate to say I'm going to fade what I've got? I have other pairs that fit way better. And on further reflection, all I ever wanted was a good pair of jeans.